Help I Need Some Advice, I Am I Or Not Posted: 11-14-05 21:32pm
Hi all,
ok the question came to me in july am I
gay bio or what , it terrified me for
months I cried alot, and then during a
therapy session I said it out loud, I felt
so empowered for a day and crying started
again , I said to god ok if I am ok , but
I really dont want to be, I want to be a
mother more than anything. I said at one
point I could never emagin sex with a
women, but recently my thoughs are
changing, one day I say ok I am then I see
a cuter guy and think no, then I think am
I trying to talk my self out of it.
Any advice would be welcomed
thanksshelly
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hellohi
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 22 Nov 2005 Posts: 9 Location: California
Posted: 11-23-05 05:24am
Just because you fantasize about one
gender, that doesnt determine your
sexuality. If you have that "heart
stopping" reaction about a man only, you
are straight. If it is to a woman, you
are gay. If it is to both, you are bi.
Your thoughts dont determine your
sexuality. Its the actions. Everyone has
had dreams of experienceing things with
their same gender, but that doesnt mean
they're gay. Hope that helped :]
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shelly27
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 14 Nov 2005 Posts: 9
Thank You !! a Few More Questions!! Posted: 11-29-05 19:51pm
Hi,
thanks so much for the reply, I do have a
few other questions ,which I would be
gratfull for any input, yes I have had
those heart stopping ,cant wait to see the
person in my head all the time about
certain women, but I never though about
them sexually untill recentlly after I
thought about myself maybe being gay, and
after the crying stopped(which was so
intense for a few months(the fear of
people finding out), I started thinking
about them sexually and it didn't seem so
bad.
I still look at guys and fancy them, but I
am in my late 20s and have never had a
serious boyfriend, I have never connected
with guys really.
I really dont want to be gay ,somedays I
think oh well if this am who I am meant to
be then its ok(because I don't believe you
choose to be gay), then other days I am so
scared of my family finding out!
Anyone reading this one question from what
you have read does it sound as if I am
gay?
Confused shelly
take care allxx
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forbiddenkiss30
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 31 Dec 2005 Posts: 3 Location: Panama City, FL.
Re: Thank You !! a Few More Questions!! Posted: 01-12-06 17:57pm
shelly27
wrote:
hi,
thanks so much for the reply, I do have a
few other questions ,which I would be
gratfull for any input, yes I have had
those heart stopping ,cant wait to see the
person in my head all the time about
certain women, but I never though about
them sexually untill recentlly after I
thought about myself maybe being gay, and
after the crying stopped(which was so
intense for a few months(the fear of
people finding out), I started thinking
about them sexually and it didn't seem so
bad.
I still look at guys and fancy them, but I
am in my late 20s and have never had a
serious boyfriend, I have never connected
with guys really.
I really dont want to be gay ,somedays I
think oh well if this am who I am meant to
be then its ok(because I don't believe you
choose to be gay), then other days I am so
scared of my family finding out!
Anyone reading this one question from what
you have read does it sound as if I am
gay?
Confused shelly
take care
allxx
hi shelly!! My name is shelly as
well..Sounds like you are very confused
woman..This is what I think you should do
and some may not agree to it..
Ok when I was younger im talking like 15
or 16 I never could get into guys like the
rest of my female friends.I did find them
very cute some where even nice to kiss ,
but I never could relate nor was I
sexually attracted to them..So I was like
whats up with this.Well as time went by I
decided to kiss a female to see if this is
what I was really into and whoa everything
fell into place..So I guess what im saying
is find a female friend you can trust or
even attracted to and kiss her.Then go by
your feelings..I really think a kiss says
all!!! Call me strange..Lol good luck
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AvatarOfUrDreams
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 10 May 2006 Posts: 67 Location: Chicago
Posted: 05-17-06 12:23pm
I'm not saying you are gay or you are not
gay or even bi since we allll have
thoughts about the same sex once and a
while - it is natural and nothing to be
ashamed of!
The best advice I can offer is - do not
label yourself! By putting a label on
your forehead, you are locking doors that
have no reason to be locked!
Gays can like women, lesbians can like men
- you can't help who you are attracted to,
it is how your brain is hardwired.
I lucked out and started this internal
dialogue when I was about 10 years old. I
realized that while all my little
girlfriends were swooning over popular
guys and famous guys I was just
indifferent yet when I looked at the women
on tv and in adds I got the same feelings
that they did looking at guys.
This was back in like 1992, when "gay" and
"lesbian" was sheik so at least I had all
this info out in the open to help me
realize what was going on.
I am 25 years old now and 99% sure that I
am a lesbian, but there is that last 1%
that pops up now and then. I was with a
man for 4 1/2 years and found him quite
attractive. I think the guy that hosts
the show "ham on the street" is the
hottest guy I have ever seen and simply
melt when I see the show. But that
doesn't stop the fact that 99% of my
thoughts are about women.
This is a very complicated and very
personal issue. It is no one's business
but your own. If you want to come out to
the world and say "i'm gay" or "i'm
straight" or "i'm bi!" it is up to you but
if no one asks then why complicate things
by saying one way or another.
I let everyone come to their own
determination based on their own personal
bias. Most of my family and friends think
I am straight while some have the personal
insight to realize that I am not. I
honestly don't care one way or another
what they think about me and since I don't
give a damn who they sleep with or
masturbate to so I just don't bring the
subject up.
I take the same rout for both gay’s and
straights – don’t ask, don’t tell.
I am happy for everyone that has found
someone to share their lives with no
matter who they are so why should anyone
hate me for finding someone for me to
love?
And that is what it all boils down to –
love.
It’s only other people’s intolerance
and hate that can spoil things. You are
who you are and that is that.
Some day this world will change and all
this bu!!S#it will go away but it will
take a long time for that to happen – so
while we wait why not love yourself and
allow yourself to be loved no matter who
it is you choose?
You can still have kids and be either bi
or lesbian or straight.
Hell, if you can't come to terms with this
issue then just be a single parent!
Don't hate yourself for what is out of
your hands.
Should I hate myself because I was born
white? Should I hate myself for my
hardware telling me I like women?
If this was a matter of "think straight
thoughts and you will be straight" don't
you think that everyone would fit into the
catagory of "normal"?
Don't let religon's bs guilt you into
being unhappy for the rest of your life.
Just go with the flow and once you stop
worrying about it the pieces will fall
into place!
I hope that at least some of this helps.
Good luck friend!
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shelly27
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 14 Nov 2005 Posts: 9
Thank You !! Posted: 05-27-06 21:29pm
Thankyou avatar yes you are so right for a
while I felt as if I was liying by not
telling anyone,and all I could think of
was all of the labels.But really it is no
ones buisness!
But I still haven't came to a conclusion
yet and really it doesn't matter ,at the
end of the day it is about two people who
love each other.
Love and light shelly
