What Do I Do Now... It Hurts Posted: 11-12-05 13:36pm
Recently I confronted my boyfriend of 6+
years about why he has been so withdrawn
from me. We live together and have for
quite a while. He is obsessed with his
hobby. So much so that our whole lives
seemed to revolve around it. I lost alot
of friends and moved to this small town
with him. I never really made any new
ones. After confronting him dozens of
times and getting no answer, he spits it
out. He doesn't love me. He never did,
and just didn't know how to tell me. I
was lonely before, I was always in his
shadow and people only knew me as his
girlfriend. I really love him, and
always imagined us together. Now it is
as if my whole life has been ripped away
from me without a reason. Ive been
depressed before, but this has lasted over
a month and a half now. I am in my late
20s and have been diagnosed with glaucoma.
The tests and treatment have hurt me
financially. I am not secure enought to
be able to move out. Never mind that
naggin feeling in the back of my head that
im going to be blind and all alone. Ive
never been so hurt in my life. I cant
concentrate at work, and I keep thinking
why... What happened? How could he do
this to me. How could he not love me all
these years. I am very easy going and
people would always tell him how lucky he
was to have me. How could everyone see
it but him. I have been stripped of my
life. My family loves him, I feel,
almost more than they love me. I dont
know how to tell them. I dont know what
to do now, im all alone. Im stuck in
this little town, living with him as
"friends". No one to talk to. Broke.
Broken hearted, seriously depressed. I
keep having break downs and im sure he
thinks im crazy. Ive been fighting an
urge to hurt myself. I dont know what to
do or where to turn now. And the worst
part, I can see how relieved he is now
after getting it off his chest. I dont
know what to do or where to turn. I dont
want to get up in the morning, I cant
sleep at night. He seems very cold and
materialistic to me now. He wants to be
friends, and the truth is he is my best
friend, who I also happen to be in love
with. How am I supposed to deal with
this. I hate being so sad, I used to
smile all the time. Now I just cry.
|
sandyallen
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 02 Feb 2004 Posts: 4580
Ghostwatcher Posted: 11-12-05 14:45pm
Hello and welccome to ehealth! Their is
help out their for you, is your glaucoma
non-operable or non-treatable, their has
been a lot done with glaucoma,with lazer
and all. Their is help out their for
you. You need to let your dr know what is
going on, he can help you, you can get a
second opinion or a third or etc., until
you get some answers, to heck with the Dr.
Bills, pay them a little bit each month
and start putting some money aside until
your b/f tells you to leave or you cannot
take it anymore. Their should be a
mental health around by where you live,
they can generally help, please do not
take me wrong. I am not saying that you
are crazy but their are times we all need
a little help in our lives and what you
are going thru is mental or verbal
abuse.
Could it have been that he was having a
bad day and was taking it out on you even
though it is still not right, it could be
possible, your family may love him but
they do not live with him. Take some
time out for yourself, go to the gym, you
can meet people there, you are young!
The main thing is is to get to the Dr.,
tell him the truth and get something for
depression before it gets worse or even go
to a natural herbal shop and see what they
recommend. Live your life for you, not
him
please keep us posted on how you are
doing. My thoughts and prayers are to
you. Good luck, keep in touch!
|
ouch318
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 04 Oct 2008 Posts: 4
Posted: 10-04-08 02:00am
This guy was a part of your life, but he
is not what defines you. Remember that you
are your own person, despite losing
friends, etc... It is so hard to get past
this, especially after such a long time,
you HAVE to take it day by day. Thinking
"i have to be like this my whole life" is
a nearly impossible task, but thinking "i
have to be strong today and let the rest
take care of itself" may be manageable.
On a side note, is it just me, or is it so
easy to give others advice, but so hard to
apply it to yourself?
