My boyfriend and I just lost our first baby boy - Baby Sam - in a cord accident. I was 4 months, but he got tangled in the cord a couple of weeks ago. The thing that upsets me most is that I did not know he was gone...that I did not feel the energy missing from my belly. Everyday I would talk and sing to my baby and rub my belly - my boyfriend would kiss my tummy.
We are devastated...our entire time line was built around his arrival into our lives and now we feel we have no compass...no direction. He was perfect and though the delivery was hard, we had brilliant friends and nurses to help us through it in Santa Barbara.
We look everywhere for closure but the truth is, there will never be true closure because our baby will not rest in our arms, snowboard the mountains, or travel the world with us like we dreamed - but Sam holds a place in our heart forever, like he should.
Reading of your pain and journey was hard for us, but reading of your happiness years later with your little girl gives us hope that we will one day be fortunate to have the family we dream of. Thank you for sharing and my heart goes out to anyone else who is, or has suffered this tragedy.
Love, luck and beautiful families to all those who seek it...we will be hoping and praying for ours in the near future.