Sexually Transmitted Diseases Forum - Am I the Only One Whose Ever Felt This Way?

Conditions and Diseases > Sexually Transmitted Diseases Forum > Am I the Only One Whose Ever Felt This Way?

Q: Am I the Only One Whose Ever Felt This Way?

asked by: completely lost on November 9th, 2005

New User

Well my story started about a year ago. Background -- I was dating someone who I was completely in love with... We were very happy. Knew each other for a long time in college and then finally got together afterwards. I waited twenty two years to meet this person (or so I thought). Things were going great. He was the first person I had ever slept with. I never thought for a minute I was making a mistake.

Back to a year ago..Well he had to move away for awhile and I was fine with that. He had work and I figured it was just an obstacle we would overcome. He said he loved me, wanted to be with me forever, blah blah.

A month after he moved he was dating someone else. Then came the worst news of my life... I was told by the doctor I have hpv. I was devastated. It wasn't fair that the one person I slept with had given me this and he is already with someone else. Happy as can be. I told him. He faked a cry on the phone but went on with his life.. We don't talk anymore but i'm sure he is still dating and living life without any cares. I was/am still slightly severely depressed. I lost a lot of weight in the past year and I wouldn't have cared if I woke up the next morning. I cried/cry a lot... On my way to work. At work. On my way home.

8 months later I am still dealing with everything. I go to the gyno every other month. It sucks. I still am so hurt and just sad. Someone I loved left me to deal with this on my own. He is happy... Why can't I be? Why is this happening to me?

I have never talked to anyone about this (besides when I let him know)... I have kept it to myself for 8 months. Im too embarrassed to tell friends, family, etc. Even though I know that he is the only person I had sex with... It is still hard to accept that this is not somehow my fault.

Does anyone else or has anyone else felt like this? Does it get better? I want the tears to dry up and I want to smile a real smile soon. And perhaps even meet someone who accepts me for who I am.

Replies(4)

jma1

replied on November 9th, 2005

Experienced User

I am sorry this has happened to you. The pain will go away, but you have to help it along too. Anyone that has ever loved, has been hurt. You need to get together with some friends and go out. Forget about the std for now. Go have fun, love yourself and regain that selfesteem back. When I say forget about he std for now, I don't mean go sleep with a bunch of people. I mean you have it, its not going anywhere-so don't dwell on it. This std will run your life if you let it. Start dating again, once you see that sex is going to be involved let them know what is going on with you. Do some research on hpv and let your mate know what his risks are. Always wear protection-even if you think this guy is the best in the world and he loves you. Just because you date doesn't mean you have to have sex. I am sure you know that because you have only had sex with one guy. Thats why it hurts so bad-he was your first and he hurt you. I wish parents passed out pamplets telling their daughters that 90% of the time the guy that takes their virginity will crush their hearts and soul. If you haven't talked to a doctor about the depression, you need to. Depression is a huge problem that can control you life also. You need to put the guy behind you, it will be hard, but you will have to in order to move on with your life. The std is only your business don't feel obligated to tell your family and friends-they cant catch it from you. They really don't need to know. You will smile again, you seem very determined-i am proud that you haven't given up! If meeting men makes you worried-try getting in a chat room with people that have this std. They do have them, you know. I wish you alot of luck, smile-wipe that tear away, get up and get out.

completely lost

replied on November 9th, 2005

New User

Thanks :)

Thanks for the support. I think the hardest thing is letting go of the pain and moving on. I am over him. But i'm not over the hurt.. If that makes sense. The last time I saw him, before he moved, we were happy and together. He broke up with me through an email....Really mature. It was something like... You are everything I needed but you aren't here. He is a boy of convenience. But one which I cared about a lot. I guess I am the type of person who is always thinking of everyone else... It's time to think of myself!

I have definitely worked towards getting better. I am much healthier and stronger than I was and that is getting better by the day. I have focused a lot of this energy into working out which has really helped build up my immune system. My doctor is very supportive...When I cry, she just sits and waits but I don't feel like she judges. For now, she is the only one that will know.

I do need to go out more.. I've spent too much time alone. And don't worry, i'm definitely and will never be the type of girl who sleeps with just anyone. I am proud of myself for waiting 22 yrs to sleep with someone and I will wait another 22 if that's what it takes. I have more knowledge on hpv now bc of the countless hours I spent reading about it. It's hard to accept but I know I have to.

Again, I thank you for your kind words. It helps more than I can explain. Esp. Since this is something i've kept locked up inside for 8 months.

jma1

replied on November 10th, 2005

Experienced User

I am glad to hear this, you sound better today than when you wrote the post. You sound like you are mature and you know what has to be done. Great job. Anytime you need to unleash some anger or cry, feel free to write me, I am on the majority of the day. There is no need to keep all of this locked up inside of you. Again thanks for not givingup on yourself, you deserve better and you will get it too.

so scared

replied on December 22nd, 2005

New User

Your Not Alone

Hi,
you’re not alone in how you felt or feel, I am a student in finally year. Am absolutely terrified and convinced (waiting) for the confirmative of test results. That I have hpv or something worst. The thoughts of fear in my mind has impaired my judgment. I am or was too scared to talk about what was going trough my mind. And broke up with a girl I loved because I was too scared that I would infect here. And to dumb to tell here what was going on. Now she is angry at me for ending it. (she did love me back) I am too frightened to tell people that I think I have a virus or something and waiting for confirmative. I feel alone in this, but I realize now that there’s other people with similarities in situations. I guess things will get better as times goes on.

Thanks.

Learn About Us

Get Help

Join In

Do More

We comply with the HONcode standard for trustworthy health
information:
verify here.

The site is not a replacement for professional medical opinion, examination, diagnosis or treatment. Always seek the advice of your medical doctor or other qualified health professional before starting any new treatment or making any changes to existing treatment. Do not delay seeking or disregard medical advice based on information written by any author on this site. No health questions and information on eHealth Forum is regulated or evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration and therefore the information should not be used to diagnose, treat, cure or prevent any disease without the supervision of a medical doctor. Posts made to these forums express the views and opinions of the author, and not the administrators, moderators, or editorial staff and hence eHealth Forum and its principals will accept no liabilities or responsibilities for the statements made. Schizophrenia health sitemap.
This page was last updated on January 1, 2009.
© 2008 eForums, Inc