Ending a Relationship Forum - Please Help,dealing With Guilt After Ending a Relationship

Relationships > Ending a Relationship Forum > Please Help,dealing With Guilt After Ending a Relationship

Q: Please Help,dealing With Guilt After Ending a Relationship

asked by: goldstar on November 9th, 2005

New User

I was with this girl for a year, we got eternitised , and we moved in together. I am 22 now and I even lost my virginity to her....

I never realy felt like she was the one for me as she caused arguements constantly. But having v little experience with relationships I wanted to be with her, and didnt want to leave her.

She fell madly in love with me, but you wouldnt have thought it, she constantly told little and big lies about alsorts of things, and caused arguements. She could never admit being in the wrong, and would shout at me over anything.

However, I stil loved her and she did me. Eventualy I left her, she begged and begged me not to. But I did. She was so v upset over this, but her feelings turned to anger, and because of this we were never able to patch things up as most telephone calls would end up in a row. We were seeing each other stil bout once a week until recently when she suddenly told me she slept with someone else. Now I feel heartbroke, and miss her bad. But the thing is I feel really really guilty for leaving her, and keep wishing I hadnt, however I dont think wed have ever worked.

How can I stop feeling so guilty and heartbroke? I feel like I threw our love away ... And keep remebering her begging me not to leave
plz help!

Replies(3)

goldstar

replied on November 11th, 2005

New User

Any advice plz?

Loki_

replied on November 12th, 2005

New User

goldstar wrote:

any advice plz?

maybe i'm not in the best mindset to give you advice.. But really, think about yourself for the moment. Are you happy in this relationship? Do you think that you can see yourself with this person for a long time? Can you trust this person? Are you afraid of being alone, after ending a relationship?

Ask yourself these questions. If you aren't happy, you should find something that makes you happy. If you can't see yourself with this person for longer than 6 more months, and if it's already very rocky (even if your conflict resolutions are pretty good), are you willing to continue on the on/off path of arguing and making up? Do you trust this person, because if you don't, there will always be doubts and possible jealousy (unless you're very laid back about things). And if you're afraid of being alone, it's very common to feel this way. You're used to a certain way of living, and maybe since it hasn't worked to plan you're afraid that you will be left behind.

Are you infatuated with this person, or is this really out of love? Just some questions to ponder. Because seriously, if you aren't happy, then don't feel guilty. A relationship takes two people to make it work, and if you're putting everything on your shoulders than you shouldn't feel guilty at all. Yes, you've invested time in the relationship, but if you know your own happiness is at stake, maybe just take some time out to consider whether you really feel this can work, or whether it's basically dragging it on.

(sorry for the kinda biased opinion). I just broke up with my b/f of 9 months as well. I kinda had a feeling we were not on the same page, he wasn't re-affirming my feelings, and he was using jealousy and mind games to pretty much keep me in my place. I wasn't happy, and I knew that if I stayed in it longer, I would literally be crushed later. I know I can do better. I gave him many chances, and that's all I could give. Now that his chances are up, I said "it's over" as well. I'm feeling a bit empty somewhat, but I know it's for the best really. I think it's better to take care of myself before him. I know i'm worth more than that type of treatment.

goldstar

replied on November 12th, 2005

New User

Fanks for that.
Well we are split up, ever since she slept with someone else I just couldnt look at the same. Shes now with the guy she slept with, by the sound of it now shes arguing wiv him all the time insted of me lol.She rings me stil, I dnt ring her, but im not intrested in geting bk wiv her. I feel like staying m8s as was with her a year and hard to just hate her, but I couldnt get bak with her. Ill be annoyed if she stops her constant arguing with this new chap as she cudnt wiv me for a whole year, but I fink shes kinda learnt her leson a bit now?
Anyway, let bygons be bygons eh

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