I am 18 and have just recently moved from my home town to live with my sister. I am currently attending college as well. ..But the thing is, I know I have had a few small episodes of depression when I was in high school, but now, over the past.. Almost four months I feel like I have been severely depressed. I know I should go to a doctor about it, but right now I don't have a job and I don't know about the insurance i'm on. Also, I can't talk to my family, i've never been close to them at all and always just kept to myself in my room. I still do. I hardly go out, i'm either tired and sleep all the time, or i'm not tired at all and go hours and hours and hours without any sleep. I also have add and am a nail biter of nervousness, anxiety, and just boredom. I am over weight as well, I am 5'4 and weigh around 225lbs. This is mostly part of it all. I guess I am severely self-conscious with no self-confidence at all. I've never had really a relationship with a guy, just always a friend, never had a bf or kissed a guy. I feel as if I can't trust anyone, relationship wise. I am crying every night when I am alone. I act like a totally different person when I am around people, if I even am. I'm somewhat, I guess you could say, 'afraid' of people, what they think. I hate going places by myself or being in places alone, yet I crave to be alone when I am in my room. My mind gets jumbled all time and seems like every thought is going 500 mph to where if i'm typing or talking, I forget and talk about something else and that my thoughts jump from thing to thing so quickly. I also get really sad if some guys want's to go out with my, I deny them, even if I want to. I feel as if they don't deserve me. I get soo sad at times that I somewhat start to lightly shake and I just then try to get my mind off things. I have read in various things that writing things down helps, but it only makes things worse for me as I either start thinking about them again, or I think about them more. I retreat to my room all the time, to the computer, online. Online I feel better since no one can see me and that they don't know me. I even think about killing my self all the time, but I know I won't do it. I'm afraid. Somewhat if there would be large amounts of pain involved..But.. The whole 'dying' part, not death in general, i'm fine with that, just.. The 'dying' bothers me so. My friends online say I should go get help, but I possibly can't get help without my parents or my sister knowing. I can't think of anymore things to write, or that i've just forgotten, but I just want to know if someone is, or has been in the same place that I am now, if it really is depression or if i'm just going through some teenage thing??......... Uumm.. Well ... Please and thank you.. I guess...