I avoid using the label of co-dependent because I have learned that it tends not to help unless the goal is to get one partner to take more than a fair share of responsibility for the relationship. This can be dangerous for the relationship, even though is is "good" for the individual. I find that any problem with one is a problem for both. Shifting to this perspective is the best path I have found to make changes in a relationship and still keep the relationship intact.
In addition, it's important to understand what is really going on when someone acts, thinks, or looks "codependent." It may help to know that every relationship naturally exhibits a need for the other partner a certain way in order for them to feel loved, accepted, happy, etc. The modern label of "codependent" is unfortunately used as an indicator of an unhealthy relationship. By this standard, every couple I work with, including my wife and I, are unnecessarily pathologized. A better and more productive approach is to realize that it is not so much the presence of a codependent tension that is the problem, but being unconscious of it is.
To be conscious about the size and shape of your "need" for your partner is to be aware of your own leftover unmet needs from childhood (or from other significant relationships) and convey them to your partner in such a way that he/she can constructively respond. A relationship in which both partners (A) accept that this is natural, (B) talk about how their relationship can be a catylist for healing those unmet needs and (C) stretch for the other to accomodate rather than provoke areas of previous injury, is the most beautiful kind of codependency that I know.
