Medical Abortion Forum - Just Need to Vent Some Thoughts... And Ask For Help

Abortion > Medical Abortion Forum > Just Need to Vent Some Thoughts... And Ask For Help

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Q: Just Need to Vent Some Thoughts... And Ask For Help

asked by: deedee102901 on November 7th, 2005

New User

Ok so recently my husband came home from jail, and my birth control had not kicked in yet, so I am now pregnant again. I already have three planned children, and have gone through a total of 7 planned pregnancys, I have had 4 miscarriages. I am 25, and my kids are 7, 4, and 1. They were obviously all difficult pregnancys that I worked very hard through. The last one I ended up with gestational diabetes, and I have chronic hypertension. I am terrified of going through this again. Especially since we have decided for my husband to go to a 2 yr rehabilitation program. I feel like I am already raising these three on my own, and I honestly dont think I could handle 4 kids. My health is already deteriorating, and I have such a great risk of losing this baby already, I just dont know what to do. I mean I could chance going through with this, and then lose it, and devistate my kids, or I could terminate it, and only I would be hurt. Of course I dont believe in abortions as an alternative to birth control, but I am glad that women who have health risks of some sort have this option. I just dont know if its for me. I dont have much longer to figure it out either, and I have no one to help talk me through this. I am around 10 weeks I think. Please if any caring ear can talk me through I would appreciate it very much. :?:

Replies(10)

Izzy

replied on November 7th, 2005

Active User, very eHealthy

Well we are in a bit of a pickle arnt we!

I dont know what to suggest, it is obvious your very responsible, very ethical and very loving - but most of all there is a obvious increase in health risks.

I think its going to be a very hard choice but here is my two cents worth from what I would do.

Having three kids already, that I found hard to cope with keeping the child would be, unlikely

believing abortion to be wrong not only for myself but for the child too, abortion would be out of the question

so I would have to give birth unless the health risk seriously threatend my life, then I would have to reassess the situation again but so far I am giving birth and bravely giving my child to a loving couple who I would choose to raise my child as their own - adoption maybe hard but I think it maybe the best option all round, for you and your husband at this difficult time, the child and the childless couple... Thats how I would be thinking anyway.

Btw - congratulations on your husbands release, I will pray the rehabilitation works and your never seperated again.

God bless

izzy

sandyallen

replied on November 7th, 2005

Extremely eHealthy

Hi deedee! I sure hope your hubby maakes it thru o.K. Now because it does sound like you need a helping hand! These people that say you are killing a child or a baby in regards to having an abotion sure like to try to put you on a guilt trip, as all you are doing is terminating a pregnancy, but let them feel the way they want, they are not going thru what you or someone else is going thru, therefore you must do what you feel is the right thing to do.

Tazzy D

replied on November 7th, 2005

Advanced Support Team

Hi.. Im 29 with 6 children, and I do know what you are going through. It is very hard this day in age to raise children and esp. By yourself.. I hope that you make the best decision that's right for you. I went through alot as well with my preg. But the one good thing is that not all of the preg. Are alike just like the children. What do you want? Do you want to have this baby? You sound like to me that you dont really want to have an abortion? Have you spoken to your doc about this and what have he/she recommended to you? Once I hear back from you I will give you my advice..

jenn_smithson

replied on November 7th, 2005

Active User, very eHealthy

Re: Just Need to Vent Some Thoughts... And Ask For Help

deedee102901 wrote:

ok so recently my husband came home from jail, and my birth control had not kicked in yet, so I am now pregnant again. I already have three planned children, and have gone through a total of 7 planned pregnancys, I have had 4 miscarriages. I am 25, and my kids are 7, 4, and 1. They were obviously all difficult pregnancys that I worked very hard through. The last one I ended up with gestational diabetes, and I have chronic hypertension. I am terrified of going through this again.

which is understandable. As someone who has had an ectopic pregnancy, the thought of becomming pregnant again terrifies me to no end because I am always afraid that it will be another ectopic. Luckily, though, my husband and I have been actively preventing pregnancy until we are ready.

Every pregnancy is different and there is no garauntee that this one will be as problematic as the last. The chance does exist for all of us that we will develop problems. What has your doctor told you on the matter?

Quote:

especially since we have decided for my husband to go to a 2 yr rehabilitation program. I feel like I am already raising these three on my own, and I honestly dont think I could handle 4 kids. My health is already deteriorating, and I have such a great risk of losing this baby already, I just dont know what to do. I mean I could chance going through with this, and then lose it, and devistate my kids, or I could terminate it, and only I would be hurt. Of course I dont believe in abortions as an alternative to birth control, but I am glad that women who have health risks of some sort have this option. I just dont know if its for me.

the only person who can make this decision is you and you alone. I wish that I had something to say that could make the decision easier for you but I don't. In the end, whether you remain pregnant or not is up to you. Can you be pregnant again? How will this pregnancy affect your body? How will this pregnancy affect your relationships? How will this pregnancy affect your life? Every woman who has ever been pregnant has had to decide the answers for herself.

Quote:

I dont have much longer to figure it out either, and I have no one to help talk me through this. I am around 10 weeks I think. Please if any caring ear can talk me through I would appreciate it very much. :?:

you should see your doctor as soon as possible and they will be able to pin point more directly how far along you are. A good doctor will also give you information as to the choices available to you without pushing an agenda. A pregnant woman has two choices: to remain pregnant or not. Your health concerns should also be raised to your doctor so that they can advise you what they think your body can handle.

Whatever you decide to do, I support your decision. Even though you think you don't have much time, think about this thoroughly and if need be, there are places where you can go to receive unbiased counseling. The clinic that I work for has counselors on staff who are more concerned for your personal health, life, and well being than they are for any sort of agenda. If a planned parenthood near you does not employ similar counselors, they will most likely have the information of someone in your area who can help.
Peace,
jenn

jenn_smithson

replied on November 8th, 2005

Active User, very eHealthy

jlee77 wrote:

you can do this.

you aren't her, you don't know what problems she is facing, and you don't know how this will affect her body. Since you are not her, you cannot know what she can or cannot do with her body. She has already posted that the risk of losing this pregnancy has already asserted itself.

Quote:

if this pregnancy is not likely to cause your death, you can do this.

again, something else you cannot know because you are not her. Even pregnancies that are not likely to cause actual death, can still cause major damage to her body. Since it is her body, not yours, only she can decide if she wants to take that risk or not. Also, this pregnancy is not the only thing that she has to think about. She also has other children to consider.

In the end .Deedee, the decision is yours because this is your body and no one else can tell you what to do with your own body. Best of luck.
Peace,
jenn

deedee102901

replied on November 8th, 2005

New User

Thank you all for your responses. Just to clear up a few things, besides the main health problems I mentioned (hypertension, and what is now type 2 diabetes) the reason I have had four miscarriages, is because of problems with my cervix. The scariest miscarriage I had I was 19 weeks along, and I went through the labor and delivered a disceased fetus. It had died 2 weeks prior. I lost so much blood, I barely made it. As the baby gets heavier on my cervix, it ends up putting me in labor. The other 3 were also after the safety zone (12 weeks) at that time I had one child already. I am under a docotrs care, the same doctor ive had for all my pregnancys, he has explained to me the obvious... Each pregnancy is riskier and more dangerous for myself and the baby. I am already being ordered to bed rest. He cannot recomend or suggest termination because of clinic policies, but he has insinuated towards it. I really cant do this. I have 3 kids that need me, I need to be there for them. I have no help to take care of them if I go through with this. And not to mention I mentally cant handle 4 kids, I am barely sane with my 3.

Tazzy D

replied on November 8th, 2005

Advanced Support Team

deedee102901 wrote:

thank you all for your responses. Just to clear up a few things, besides the main health problems I mentioned (hypertension, and what is now type 2 diabetes) the reason I have had four miscarriages, is because of problems with my cervix. The scariest miscarriage I had I was 19 weeks along, and I went through the labor and delivered a disceased fetus. It had died 2 weeks prior. I lost so much blood, I barely made it. As the baby gets heavier on my cervix, it ends up putting me in labor. The other 3 were also after the safety zone (12 weeks) at that time I had one child already. I am under a docotrs care, the same doctor ive had for all my pregnancys, he has explained to me the obvious... Each pregnancy is riskier and more dangerous for myself and the baby. I am already being ordered to bed rest. He cannot recomend or suggest termination because of clinic policies, but he has insinuated towards it. I really cant do this. I have 3 kids that need me, I need to be there for them. I have no help to take care of them if I go through with this. And not to mention I mentally cant handle 4 kids, I am barely sane with my 3.

once again you have to do what is right for you and your family....You have to be the one to handle everything not any of us on here hun.. If you need to talk im here for you

Tylanas

replied on November 8th, 2005

Especially eHealthy

deedee102901 wrote:

you must consider these risks to your health very seriously, and the wellbeing of your family. They need you, the family that you already have. I believe that you should do what will allow you to care for the family you have, the family that is there for you. If you won't be able to cre for when while in bed rest with a high-risk pregnancy, then... Perhaps you should get an abortion? You do already have 3 lovly children.

jenn_smithson

replied on November 9th, 2005

Active User, very eHealthy

deedee102901 wrote:

if you decide to obtain an abortion, you should notify your doctor as soon as possible. He can then tell you step by step what the procedure will entail and what you are likely to expect after it is over. I am so sorry that you are in this situation. I am sorry that any of us ever has to be in this situation. I know it is not an easy decision to make. Keep us posted on how you are doing and how you are feeling and let us know if there's anything we can do.
Peace, love, and support,
jenn

sandyallen

replied on November 9th, 2005

Extremely eHealthy

Deedee

I totally agree with jennsmithson and I wish I was their to help you!
The very best to you and your children! I do hope you are alright and I am sure you will be! Please feel free to post to us anytime!

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