Medical Questions > Womens Health > Sexual Health - Women Forum

Life After Herpes

Must Read
20% of the population has or carries herpes simplex virus. But do you know what herpes is? Learn about causes and risk factors for herpes. ...
Do you know the less common signs and symptoms of herpes? Get the facts of herpes symptoms and outbreaks here....
Herpes diagnosis requires proper testing. Learn about the two simple tests that doctors use to confirm a herpes diagnosis....
User Profile
Just wanted to let anyone know that if you have herpes, I would be more than happy to talk to you. I have had it for about 5 years and went on to find happiness and love and mariage.
Did you find this post helpful?
First Helper User Profile Lilypad
|
Users who thank Lilypad for this post: ChicagoMade 

replied November 17th, 2005
Let's Talk
Hi,
i learned I had herpes about five years ago. Since then I have only had intercourse with one person. Now that we are no longer dating, I need advice on how to inform potential partners.
|
Did you find this post helpful?

This post is being reviewed to be sure that it adheres to our Community Guidelines.
Thanks for your patience!

User Profile
replied November 17th, 2005
Extremely eHealthy
Basically I decided that having herpes was the ultimate test. If someone was willing to look beyond this then they might be really special.

So after a 6 month morning in my own sorrow period of staying away from men all together I decided to be brave and look for the love that I deserved. In the mean time I did alot of reading about herpes and informed myself.

After I got herpes I was lonely. I was afraid to reach out for fear of rejection. An old flame who I had kept in touch with from a couple states away was always wanting me back. Since I was over him, although he was really sweet I decided to test this on him. I called him up and told him the news. Immedietly he replied I dont care about that, I would marry you anyway. Unfortunately the right response-wrong person for me, but it did give me a little hope.

I never really had much of a problem meeting guys, not because I am drop dead or anything but because I always had a healthy amount of self confidence. So for awhile I just decided in my head that I would just date for fun, and absolutely not get physical(beyond kissing) with anyone unless I gave them the full story.
Some guys were freaked out and stopped calling. This of course was devastating but I had to remind myself that I might of acted the same way if the situation were reversed.
But there were also quite a few that were pretty cool about it, too. I always had protected sex. Once I met a guy that I knew from high school. I really liked him alot from the beginning and he was alot of fun. I decided to tell him after a couple dates because I could tell he was kind of wanting to move fast and I did too. I thought, I will tell him and if he runs-then at least I got out of this early. I was at his place and I gave him the speil... He walked out of the room. I sat there in horror for a second and then he walked back into the room and threw a small box on my lap with a smile. It was his prescription for valtrex! He had herpes too! I had never felt so relieved. I thought this is so awesome I dont have to feel ashamed now! It was a short-lived high because about a week later I caught him out with some other chick. Oh well.
Eventually I developed more confidence. You see herpes or no herpes dating is a numbers game. Statistics. There are going to be some guys you like and dont like you. Some guys that like you but you dont like them. Some guys dont care if you have herpes because they are so head over heels for you and some guys cant run away fast enough.
When I met chris, (now my husband) I knew immediatly that he was special. After our first date I even told my roommate, "i think I am going to marry this guy!" however I was terrified to tell him about the herpes because I was really falling for him fast. After about a week of dating I sat him down and told him the news...I was crying....I was sure that this would be the deal breaker. But he was so nonchalant about it. He was like. "its okay. I still want to keep seeing you. And it could be alot worse." then he confided in me about how his dad was hiv positive. It really put things in perspective for me.
About a month later we moved in together...After 5 months he proposed...At nine months we were married at a little chapel in the smokey mountains...And we will be celebrating our 2 year anniversary this month. We are still so in love and currently trying to have a baby. (yes you can still have babies! )

if it can happen to me it can happen to you.

I hope this helped some, good luck to you and let me know if you have anymore questions.
|
Did you find this post helpful?
Users who thank Lilypad for this post: amandam413  ChicagoMade 

replied August 17th, 2011
I just found out, i want to just die. I had sex with the same guy for 4 years. I have to tell him but i don't know how. Shoukd I tell him.
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied March 28th, 2012
I'm a college girl who goes out and parties a lot, but was recently diagnosed with herpes. I'm nervous that at some point I'll drink too much and end up hooking up with someone without telling them. I know this sounds terrible and it'd be easy to say just stop drinking but it's really not that easy. All of my friends love to go out and party, and I'm too shy to quickly make a bunch of new friends who don't party. I don't think it'd be fun for me (being shy) to go out and not drink, but I would feel so guilty if I gave it to someone just by being careless. I doubt any of the college guys I hang out with would understand, unless I found someone who really does like me and want to be with me. For now I just need some advice on how to live my life and enjoy myself without risking passing it on?
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied November 17th, 2005
Let's Talk
Thanks so much for the inspiration. I haven't dated in a couple of years, but I am anxious to check back into life. I am so happy that I found someone who has actually lived this. There is such a stigma associated with having herpes that it is almost impossible to talk openly about this. But, as your story shows, honesty and openness are best.

Thanks again!!!!
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied March 14th, 2009
Experienced User
just a quick question
Lily~ I just ahave a quick quesiton on this situation. I know someone who is in a similar situation as you said above and is or was your husband at the time of trying to have a baby at all worried about contracting herpes from you?
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied June 14th, 2009
Hi Im 17 and I just recently found out that I have hsv...when i found out i was completely devistated and I felt like an outcast...im slowly but surely getting over the shock but I just cant help but feel like a loser in the game of life because I know I have so many years ahead of me left...this is a ironic situation for me because for years I always said I would never live past the age of 17 (idk why I just always did)...Im not suicidal but I kind of felt like I died inside when I found out this info... Im starting college soon... my family understands...and my boyfriend said hes not going any where...but I really want to know what can I do to rebuild my confidence; in life and in myself...I know this could have been alot worse...its not like this is gonna kill me... but I refuse to live my life in fear...all in all...what can I do to restore the hope and confidence I once had.
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied November 10th, 2009
quick question
I was diagnosed last week and my boyfriend was recently deployed to Iraq. He will be returning in Jan. We have been together for 3 months and having unprotected sex for 2. I am concerned about his return and having sex again. I have read lots of information about avoiding sex during an outbreak but what about between outbreaks? Isn't it possible that he already has it also? So why use condoms if we both already have it?
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied November 2nd, 2010
Just been diagnosed.
I am 20 years old & Never had an std, that is until about a month ago. I went to my obgyn for a routine checkup and i was diagnosed with hsv2. I was horrified and in denial. I always thought it could never be me. I have always been very educated about stds and even more cautious. I have always used condoms, all it took was that 1 time. He wasnt just a stranger or a new partner either in fact we have been intimate for about 3 yrs. my biggest mistake was trusting him.I thought because i wasnt having sex with multiple partners i was safe, i was wrong!Just because I was with only him, he was with other females. There is a stigma to herpes...ppl believe only sluts can catch this but i am certainly not that kind of "easy"girl. I am a very attractive girl and get alot of attention from men, now i feel disgusted with myself and my self esteem is at rock bottom! I feel like i have let such a beautiful, healthy body go to waste.. I cant take it back tho I wish i could. I have to learn to live with this! I am still in great depression, I cry alot in my bed. I dnt know how I would break the news to sum1. I dnt want to put any1 at risk either. I dnt know what to do I need advice. I am on daily Valtrex and will remain on it for life. Never think it cant be u, I did.Ppl please use condoms. No1 is worth ruining ur health!!! If any1 wants to tlk to me, please write me.
|
Did you find this post helpful?
Users who thank lilricanshawty26 for this post: niaj 

replied August 17th, 2011
I can agree with you the same thing happen to me. How have been coping with the virus?
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied March 13th, 2012
hello
Hello, i just read your post and i had to write something. i just wanted to let you know that i was diagonsed with hsv2 2 months ago and was floored with the news i have 2yr old and have never a any infection i know this deseas is not just for sluts but can be contracted from anyone i hate this has happened to me but what can i say . i shouldnt of had unprotected sex
i sometimes worry about my furture and happyness , but i learned that i could either get bussy living or get bussy dying so in stead of askig god to take it a way which i hope he does ill instead ask for life and happiness and the ability to live with the deases and have life abundantly.
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied March 13th, 2012
hello
Hello, i just read your post and i had to write something. i just wanted to let you know that i was diagonsed with hsv2 2 months ago and was floored with the news i have a 2yr old and he is my strength i have never a any kind of serious infection until this i know this deseas is not just for sluts but can be contracted from anyone i hate this has happened to me but what can i say . i shouldnt of had unprotected sex
i sometimes worry about my furture and happyness , but i learned that i could either get bussy living or get bussy dying so in stead of askig god to take it a way which i hope he does ill instead ask for life and happiness and the ability to live with the deases and have life abundantly.i take it one day at a time and accept that if this is the life god chose for me than hes already equipt me with my shield and armor and to have faith and trust in the lord for he will supply all my needs
|
Did you find this post helpful?

User Profile
replied March 27th, 2013
Although I bookmarked this page months ago, today was my first time reading it. Thank you so much for sharing this with us. You just don't know how grateful I am to have stumbled upon your post. I needed to hear your story at this very moment. The Lord works in mysterious ways, and this time he used you to help me.. So Thank you. I wish you and your husband the absolute best, God bless.
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied May 8th, 2013
I just found out I have herpes a week ago I been with the same guy for 3 1/2 years and we were/still playing to get married next month. I'm sad,depressed and just don't know what to do. He didn't know he had it and I believe him he says he doesn't want to lose me and he wants to still marry me can someone please tell me what to do how do I move forward does the pain go away.
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied May 21st, 2013
Cheating hubby.
My husband of nearly 12 years just gave it to me and I feel crazy for not wanting a divorce. We have so much history and I don't know what to do. I feel like its my fault because I knew he cheated then slept with him any way. I love him. I also think that if we both have it then I should just stay since I can fogive him for the other woman. I still can't help the hypocritical feeling that I'm not redy to forgive the stds. Even though that's kind dumb. I'm so confused. I think a sane woman would ask for a divorce.
|
Did you find this post helpful?

replied June 20th, 2013
Message for Inspiration Thank You
Reading all of your post whether good or bad have inspired me to live an abundant life. After finding out that I tested positive for HSV-2 i was instantly shocked. I looked up at the nurse and I told her I was hurt. My boyfriend is in the Navy and stationed 2,000 miles away. I moved back home to start preparing for him to be stationed in another state/country in two months. The nurse told me not to blame this on him, or my ex the only two I have slept with. She had it too and found out when she was pregnant and shes married and has a healthy baby. Immediately I wiped my tears and found hope in the opportunity God has given me to be aware of my status. Most people that have a negative outlook fail realize how lucky they are to know they have it and to be able to manage it. Than to be walking around like there's a rare diamond in between their legs, when 1 in 4 of them don't even know and are taking a risk by spreading it further. God has done so much in my life and altered my outlook and that is what matters. Because this virus is only stigmatic not life threatening- ONLY my outlook can alter my life outcome. Thank you to you all for sharing, I know it's hard but get up every day fighting for your right to shine your light, and in doing so you give others the power to do the same. My boyfriend has refused to go get tested because he feels he has been"burned" like his life has been taken from him and the only texts that I have received from him was to ask If I was okay(still makes me laugh haha!). I wanted to respond because I want him in my life. But I realize that he has to want it bad enough, I am still the queen he saw in me from day one and forever I will be. For him not to care about his health enough to humble himself and just find out if he has HSV, lets me know how much energy I would exhaust trying to convince him that I still deserve the best life full of happiness and so does he. And as God as my Judge and I as God's witness I will, I shall be whole again. Thank you to all again, I'm truly blessed to have come across this page. To Lilypad Thank you for your inspiration.
|
Did you find this post helpful?