Hey man
it actually makes me feel bad to read what your going thru I want to let you know that I had similiar issues and I got past them and improved, and u can as well
beleive me i've been thru hell and came back and it was a long process because I tried many things till I found out what worked for me
i've found a few things that helped me out.
1. You must fix what probably is now a chemical imbalance in your head, so you can think more clearly there are some legal supplements that can help you
2. You must fix the pain from past memories that puts fear in your mind, u can, and think of more resourceful ideas related to your goals,u should google emotional freedom technique Dr. Mercola
3. U should take up exercise and running and eating better, this will heal your body
and listen to what the guy before my post said that's some good advice