Bipolar Disorder Forum - I Am Bipolar And My Boyfriend Is Unipolar!...please Help!

Mental Health > Bipolar Disorder Forum > I Am Bipolar And My Boyfriend Is Unipolar!...please Help!

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Q: I Am Bipolar And My Boyfriend Is Unipolar!...please Help!

asked by: Simplicity_29 on October 31st, 2005

New User

First let me give you a little background on me and my boyfriend...

I have been dating this guy since 8/26 of this year....We hit it off and we do well together...We spoke on the phone everyday and I was seeing every other day...About a month and a half into the relationship, all of sudden, he disappeared for two weeks....No calls, emails or im's...He wouldnt respond to my efforts of communication at all...As soon as I was about to move on....He called me, apologizing profusely for leaving me....He claimed that he had fallen in love with me and he was scared about his feelings....I forgave him and he revealed his condition of being unipolar to me......

I have been diagnosed as having bipolar disorder but I dont claim it....I am not on meds and I dont want to be....I have attempted suicide twice in my life (before diagnosis and after), the latter being in 1999...After the last attempt, I have been ok....I do still have my times when I am depressed...Nothing seems to bring that out more than a relationship....I cant handle rejection or breakups....It feels as if my life is ending....

My problem is that with my boyfriend, he is always down.....Sometimes, it makes me feel as if I am the cause of his unhappiness...Although he says he was depressed before he met me, I am frightened that he will up and disappear on me again like he did before....I love him to death....Actually, I am afraid of my feelings because they are too strong for words....

He is so quiet and I try to communicate with him to see where his feelings and thoughts are at...Sometimes, I feel as if he doesnt want to be bothered...In a nutshell, I feel I am walking on eggshells whenever I am with him...I dont want him to disappear on me again...People keep tellling me to leave him because the situation isnt healthy, but I cant bear to leave him.....We both suffer from some form of mental disorder...I would hate to leave him because of that....Please give me any advice that you may have for me...

Replies(5)

emerald_angeltx

replied on November 4th, 2005

New User

Re: I Am Bipolar And My Boyfriend Is Unipolar!...please Help

simplicity_29 wrote:

first let me give you a little background on me and my boyfriend...

I have been dating this guy since 8/26 of this year....We hit it off and we do well together...We spoke on the phone everyday and I was seeing every other day...About a month and a half into the relationship, all of sudden, he disappeared for two weeks....No calls, emails or im's...He wouldnt respond to my efforts of communication at all...As soon as I was about to move on....He called me, apologizing profusely for leaving me....He claimed that he had fallen in love with me and he was scared about his feelings....I forgave him and he revealed his condition of being unipolar to me......

I have been diagnosed as having bipolar disorder but I dont claim it....I am not on meds and I dont want to be....I have attempted suicide twice in my life (before diagnosis and after), the latter being in 1999...After the last attempt, I have been ok....I do still have my times when I am depressed...Nothing seems to bring that out more than a relationship....I cant handle rejection or breakups....It feels as if my life is ending....

My problem is that with my boyfriend, he is always down.....Sometimes, it makes me feel as if I am the cause of his unhappiness...Although he says he was depressed before he met me, I am frightened that he will up and disappear on me again like he did before....I love him to death....Actually, I am afraid of my feelings because they are too strong for words....

He is so quiet and I try to communicate with him to see where his feelings and thoughts are at...Sometimes, I feel as if he doesnt want to be bothered...In a nutshell, I feel I am walking on eggshells whenever I am with him...I dont want him to disappear on me again...People keep tellling me to leave him because the situation isnt healthy, but I cant bear to leave him.....We both suffer from some form of mental disorder...I would hate to leave him because of that....Please give me any advice that you may have for me...

i don't know why anyone who knew they were bipolar or unipolar would not seek treatment for it. You will feel so much better. Please, I encourage you to accept the fact that you are bipolar and to seek a doctor's advice and treatment.
Secondly, i'm just curious as to whether or not you have a personal relationship with jesus christ. I am a non-denominational christian (but I attend a baptist church here) and have found so much peace and security in knowing that I am loved totally and completely by christ. It is a daily struggle to remember that but what awesome knowledge. I am currently dating someone myself and just last night we got into a pretty big discussion and the whole time I was terrified that this was going to be the end of our relationship. But looking back on it today, I know that if we aren't meant to be, it's because god has someone better out there for me. Someone who's an even better match than this guy is and he is pretty amazing. Completely different from any guy i've ever dated before....
Is your boyfriend on any medication? I would encourage him to seek treatment too and that way you can both be stable enough to pursue a relationship together. You really won't be able to get anywhere if you're constantly up and down and he's down all the time. Those are not the right ingredients for a healthy, stable relationship.
I just got back on meds after being off for a year and a half. I've only been on them a week and am going to the doctor again to have them changed because these aren't doing the trick but i'm not going to give up. I know that I will find the right combination of meds that will relieve me of some of this roller-coaster ride. I'm a rapid-cycler and can cycle in and out of mania and depression in 1-2 days. I don't do this everyday, I have several periods of normal mood in between but I have gotten to the point that I can recognize when i'm manic and when i'm depressed. My doctor told me I was lucky....Some people don't have that recognition.
So, I guess my advice is three-fold. Seek treatment, have a relationship with jesus, and encourage your boyfriend to seek treatment as well. When those three things are securely in place, only then can you hope to have a healthy, loving relationship with someone else. If you have any other questions, etc, please feel free to reply to this post. In christ, emily

Simplicity_29

replied on November 5th, 2005

New User

Thank you for your response!....I am also one of the few who knows when I am "cycling" as well....That's why I have been able to contain it without meds or therapy for the past 13 years.....I cycle fast as well...1-3 days...I am so in touch with myself and I am glad that about that...It somehow keeps me balanced....As far as my boyfriend, he is on prozac....I guess I am scared that he is going to disappear again since he has done it twice before.....Actually, I am beginning to think I can't handle relationships being bipolar because anything can upset me and I am so quick to call it off or get very depressed....Sometimes I need plenty of reassurance from my mate (like most bipolars do) and if I dont feel I am getting it, I will definitely go out and flirt or much worse with someone else (well...I use to before I began noticing my cycling), which I felt was part of my "mania"....As far as my relationship with christ...I use to have one....I was saved and I was doing so well...It was after my last attempt at suicide and after the birth of my son....Then I backslid with my son's father and I was too ashamed to go back and beg for forgiveness because I knew better....In actuality, I never forgave myself for betraying him....I am surrounded by pastor's, I am extremely close to their wives (17 years)....My children's paternal grandmother is an evangelist and yet, I have been too ashamed to ask for his forgiveness....I know human love is not perfect and it is filled with flaws....I also know that love from a human is not guaranteed forever as well....Noone can give unconditional love as christ....I know all of this.....

emerald_angeltx

replied on November 5th, 2005

New User

simplicity_29 wrote:

thank you for your response!....I am also one of the few who knows when I am "cycling" as well....That's why I have been able to contain it without meds or therapy for the past 13 years.....I cycle fast as well...1-3 days...I am so in touch with myself and I am glad that about that...It somehow keeps me balanced....As far as my boyfriend, he is on prozac....I guess I am scared that he is going to disappear again since he has done it twice before.....Actually, I am beginning to think I can't handle relationships being bipolar because anything can upset me and I am so quick to call it off or get very depressed....Sometimes I need plenty of reassurance from my mate (like most bipolars do) and if I dont feel I am getting it, I will definitely go out and flirt or much worse with someone else (well...I use to before I began noticing my cycling), which I felt was part of my "mania"....As far as my relationship with christ...I use to have one....I was saved and I was doing so well...It was after my last attempt at suicide and after the birth of my son....Then I backslid with my son's father and I was too ashamed to go back and beg for forgiveness because I knew better....In actuality, I never forgave myself for betraying him....I am surrounded by pastor's, I am extremely close to their wives (17 years)....My children's paternal grandmother is an evangelist and yet, I have been too ashamed to ask for his forgiveness....I know human love is not perfect and it is filled with flaws....I also know that love from a human is not guaranteed forever as well....Noone can give unconditional love as christ....I know all of this.....

i'm surprised you can "control" your moods somewhat. I know when i'm cycling but there's not a darn thing I can do to keep from plunging into depression or spiraling out of control with mania. I've had the same kinds of experiences you described with relationships. I'm 22, was married at 19, separated and divorced at 21. I have 2 kids, 3 and 10 1/2 months, both have a different father. My ex-husband was mentally and emotionally abusive but I was so up and down that I stayed with him on and off for almost 7 years, starting with dating in high school. I have a pretty big fear of rejection and being alone too. Even though i'm a born again christian/virgin, there's still times when I struggle with feeling all alone or not rocking the boat in my current relationship because i'm afraid I might lose him. And after that big discussion we had the other night, I was angry, very angry, with myself for letting one comment I made get blown into a full blown discussion. It also led to other things....We've decided if we're going to have a long-term relationship/get married, that we're going to wait to have sex until we're married and the offhand comment I made was that I was thinking about what it would be like to wait until we're married to kiss too. Anyway, I know what you mean about the fear of rejection and mania pushing you to do other things whether it be flirting or beyond. I experienced that with my ex-husband and cheated on him several times....Of course, he didn't really help and wasn't faithful either so it was a go-nowhere relationship. So glad i'm out of it!
I'm glad you have a relationship with christ. And I know you've probably heard this but there is nothing that god won't/can't forgive. We have trouble forgetting and letting go but "the bible says that god forgives past sins if they are confessed: 'if we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness' (1 john 1:9). Because of god's grace and mercy, he does forgive. Because of our sinful nature, we can't forget. God will help us forget the past." that came from a bible study i'm working on with my girls singles group at church. Here are some other verses on forgiveness: psalm 103:12, isaiah 1:18, micah 7:19, romans 3:25, hebrews 10:17. I'm hoping these will help you more....
So, you said you have a child/children? How many? What ages?

Simplicity_29

replied on November 5th, 2005

New User

Well...I am 29 for starters...My daughters are 10 and 8...I have a 5 year old son who is mildly autistic (meaning he can talk and communicate, but not as well as other children his age) and he is bright!...I know my children think my nerves are bad because I do yell a lot....I try not to, but I cant help it....I think they have come to ignore me now....I dont know...Like last night, I didnt sleep at all because I didnt talk to my boyfriend (well, I was over his house yesterday morning until about 7am) and I was too nervous to sleep.....Then I thought about just giving up on this highly stressful relationship (although the stress is coming from me and my constant thoughts) ...Then I thought to myself that I was probably being codependent and I need to chill out....I have a thousand thoughts running in my head and then all of sudden, I got really sad and thought dark thoughts.....Now am I just wandering aimlessly through my home (my kids are at my moms) not knowing what to do with myself....Maybe I should go back to sleep.....

BPjoe23

replied on November 10th, 2005

Experienced User

I also want to know about how can you control your mood with out meds?.
I also encourage you to talk to a doctor.. What's hard about the relationship in my opinion is that you can have the high's the mania a long with the depression. Where he can only go depression to normal to depression and cycle back and forth like that.. If it was meant to be cool, if not god always has a plan for us to meet someone better.

Just make sure you keep the talking open,and stay with the meds and doctors.

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