i have a questions.....Or maybe a lot of questions about the realtionship that I am in. I have knowen this guy for the last 8 years, we hooked up one night in the bar when I was going to college. We lost track of each other after that and then a couple of years later he appeared back in my life. We have always been friends had hang out with the same people. Over the last couple of years we have hooked up multiple times..But it has really only been sex!!! I would really like to date as a serious couple but he says that he only wants to be friends, b/c he has never had a girlfriend and does not know how it would fit in with his life?????? In the past year he was dignosed with testicular cancer and has gone through chemo and appears to be on his way to recovery. I been there for him all through it.
I guess my questions are:
1. How do I approach the subject of dating without freaking him out?
2. Should I hold out on the sex until he decides if he wants to be more than friends?
3. Should I ask him what is scaring him about dating?
I think he is the kind of guy who once he starts dating he will realize that I am not going to make him my "!**@!" and order him around!!! He will wonder why we did not do this sooner. Not much will change, we will talk on the phone (he lives an hour away from me) and we will hang out together when our jobs and lives let us.
If you're no longer comfortable with just being his bed buddy then you need to speak up and say so. Unattached sex is fine for some people as long as they don't get attached easily to the person, but once feelings start you need to decide whether or not you want to risk getting hurt. Sit down and talk to him about it and try to really find out what he's afraid just remember that he may not open up. What guys like to talk about feelings and fears right? :roll: but it's worth a shot. And I say if you're starting to have feelings for this guy and you want more but all he's interested in is the sex you need to cut him off. By not wanting to get into a relantionship with you he's baiscally saying you're good enough to be his friend with benefits but nothing more. Hopefully things turn out the way you want them too. Good luck.
Thanks poohbear for the advise!!! Sometimes it's hard to see the right thing to do when your feelings are involved............And being a women I have let my feelings get invovled!!! I will let you know how thing work out.
If he has cancer, than he is probably scared that his life could end at any moment. He may be scared of being with one person because it doesn't want to waste his precious time with only one person, in which it could be the wrong person...But then again, he may also not want to date you or anyone else because he might be afraid that if something were to happen to him, it would break your heart. Think about it, if he's worried about how much time he may have to live, i'm sure he doesn't want to leave a girlfriend behind to mourn over him. Still, I agree with everyone else, and you should confront him about how you feel.
Hey girlfriend, if he just wans you to be friends without dating then you have to leave sex out of it all. Where is your self esteem if you have to spread your legs for him and not get what you want?
Many guys out here seek commitments and could give you what you want. He is not indispensable. Is he?