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Mental Health > Depression Forum > I Want to Save My Relationship And Here Is My Problem.
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Q: I Want to Save My Relationship And Here Is My Problem.
asked by: joeparker1 on October 26th, 2005
New User
Hi everyone,

my name is joe and I am 21 years of age and my fiance is 20. We have been together for 4 years and we have a 14 month old beatifull daughter who I love dearly. See my fiance was a virgin when I met her and I had a relationship before my fiance and ended up having sex with the women before my fiance. For 4 years never seemed to be a problem and all of sudden she wants to leave me over it and she states she can't deal with the fact I had sex with someone else. She says during our intercourse she wonders what positions I had my ex in etc.. I told her the truth about everything. My ex and I never had unprotected sex and my fiance was my first unprotected and I am thankfull it is her. But she still sees it as me being with another women. We have a big apartment together and have been living together for 3 years and I can't throw away all the memories with her and my daughter. I just can't loose her. I do everything for her. I wash her clothes, hang them and my daughters, I change the baby, feed the baby wash and play with the baby. I cook, clean, work and do all the chores while she crochets. She says oh maybe I am manic depressive etc.. And she takes off her wedding rings and then puts them on a week later. I just am so sad and just want a happy family and watch and raise my daughter. I don't know what to do or say but I feel this is really stupid to end a relathinship over. One day she is kissing me and all over me and next wants to leave me. I don't know. Someone please help. I tried so much. Thanks, joe
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sandyallen
replied on October 26th, 2005
Extremely eHealthy
Have you sought professional help with her?
The best to you and yours!
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joeparker1
replied on October 26th, 2005
New User
sandyallen wrote:
have you sought professional help with her?

The best to you and yours!


she won't go that route I already asked. This really bothers me. I just want to be the girl she used to be whom I love so much. I look around and see kids playing with their parents so happy and I just want that to be my family.
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bluemoon
replied on November 2nd, 2005
New User
The thing that I have learnt from relationships...Which is of late one of the reasons that I am depressed...Is that the one who loves more in the relationship always gets the shitty end of the stick...When I say this please do not mistake it to mean that I am saying she does not love you. What I am saying is that she knows you want to work it out and she knows how much you love her so she is pushing all ur emotional buttons to have that control...Once she has that...She will always have the upper hand...She needs to grow up...I am 22 years old and after my four and a half year relationship I have learnt so much about manipulation and those games that your wifey is playing. It is the same games by boyfriend played...If this sort of behaviour continues...I am afraid there will only be heartache....I know this cuz my heart is broken into a million pieces and I desire no one but the one who broke my heart and treated me like dirt...Why? Because people always desire the thing that they cannot control or cannot have...
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mommy7
replied on November 16th, 2005
New User
I Was Like Your Fiance
I understand her. I was like this with my boyfriend, who is now my husband. He had sex while we were broke up once and then every since I was not able to get over it. I brought it up all of the time. The thought of him "being" with someone else drove me nuts and it still can, if I let it. For me, this happened when I was 19. He was in a band and he and this girl had a one-nighter during a time when we were broke up. Then we ended up moving in together but he did not tell me he had done this...Until!! He was blamed for a pregnancy. I believe that he would have never told me if it were not for that. Anyway, I was not able to forgive him until I had an experience some time later, after I became a christian. I was praying for him to be okay with all that had happened as he was trying to locate the child (this was about 5 years later) so I was praying that he would be emotionally okay, when something happened to me...The lord gave me complete peace about all of it...Something like a spiriutal hug or something. I just know that after that morning that I had this experience, I was forever healed. I guess what I am trying to say is, hang in there and have your fiance chat with me if she wants advice on how I coped. Take care and may you be blessed! And remember...You cannot change the past...And this was before you were with this woman. I think she will get over this...In time. Best of luck to you!
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Jessica_CF20
replied on November 16th, 2005
Experienced User
I dont think this is something you guys can face alone talk to her ton her good days tell her how important it is to you that you see someone not because she is sick but to help streangthen the relationship if she still refuses just tell her everyday even on the bad days how much you love her and that you have forgoten about your ex anything to reasure her good luck
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kksmith603
replied on November 21st, 2005
New User
Did your girlfriend act this way before she had your daughter? I only ask this because I once acted this same way. It was due to post-partum depression. I was never a jealous person until going through the depression.
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pineystein
replied on November 26th, 2005
New User
Save Relationship
An easy one. Look at your posting. You offer a littany of things you do.
What does she do for you or the baby. Tell her you want her to share more responsibilities towards the baby.This will actually bring her closer to you. Sounds like she has bipolar depression.
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