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Pregnancy Forum > Getting Pregnant Forum > Ttc Without Husband's Permission (Page 1)
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Q: Ttc Without Husband's Permission
asked by: Nenis on October 24th, 2005
Experienced User
Am I bad? I am 21 and married to a wonderful man. He just loves children and I am sure he will be a great father. But he doesnt think we should have any yet. I just cant wait to be amother. Talked to her and told him that he should take care if he doesnt want children because I just do. What do you think. Am I bad?
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Replies(23)
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poohbear101
replied on October 24th, 2005
Experienced User
Did he give you a reason why he doesn't think you should have children yet? It could be something as simple as he just wants it to be the two of you so you have time to do whatever you want without having to worry about children. Some men just don't think they're ready for fatherhood until it happens and then they start to feel comfortable with it, but others aren't like that at all. He may resent the child if you have one before he thinks you two are ready, just like some mothers resent getting pregnant when they're not ready. I don't think you should trick your husband into anything that he may end up hating. Maybe you should talk to him more in depth about it and perhaps suggest settting some kind of time where you do start trying together. Good luck.
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Nenis
replied on October 24th, 2005
Experienced User
Thanks
I am sure he wouldnt resent the child. He says we should buy a house first. Thats the only reason. I also think we need a house, but I think we can still buy one after I get pregnant
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Lilypad
replied on October 27th, 2005
Extremely eHealthy
Bad Bad Bad
Getting pregnant without your husbands consent is manipulative and decietful. Having a family is something that should involve planning and consent on both parts!
It would be better to have a long honest talk about both of your reasons for wanting/not wanting to have a child.
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njmama
replied on November 3rd, 2005
New User
I agree with lily!
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Kristina86
replied on November 4th, 2005
Experienced User
Re: Bad Bad Bad
lilypad wrote:
getting pregnant without your husbands consent is manipulative and decietful. Having a family is something that should involve planning and consent on both parts!

It would be better to have a long honest talk about both of your reasons for wanting/not wanting to have a child.


i agree
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SadMommy
replied on November 4th, 2005
Experienced User
Yup, if you are not seeing eye to eye on this, talk more to him.....But don't deseve him into anything
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michelle1981
replied on November 4th, 2005
Supporter
Re: Bad Bad Bad
lilypad wrote:
getting pregnant without your husbands consent is manipulative and decietful.


you give it to her lily, straight and blunt!!!
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Lilypad
replied on November 5th, 2005
Extremely eHealthy
Thank you I just feel very strongly about that. My brother and his wife have alot of problems and she got pregnant when he wasnt ready...He was going to school. She stopped her bc pill s on purpose. He had to quit school b/c of that. I just think it is wrong to get pregnant on purpose if the man doesnt want to.
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michelle1981
replied on November 5th, 2005
Supporter
I agree with you 100%. I couldn't even imagine doing that to my husband. When my youngest was 1(now he's 3 1/2) I wanted to have another baby, but my husband wasn't ready. I mentioned this to a couple friends and they said "miss some pills..... He'll never know" :shock:
needless to say, I didn't take their advise!
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Lilypad
replied on November 6th, 2005
Extremely eHealthy
Just wondering where "nemis" is and what she has to say about our opinions on this....
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michelle1981
replied on November 6th, 2005
Supporter
I was thinking the same thing :p
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holliadrienne
replied on November 6th, 2005
Experienced User
Ttc Also
I am 23, and in july I found out I have stage 2 endometriosis, and that having children will most likely be difficult if I am able to conceive at all. Even after hearing this, my husband at first still wanted to wait to conceive like we had planned, but after many heart-to-hearts, we came to a decision together and are both ttc with our whole hearts. My point to this, is that even knowing I only have a short time to conceive, if I am able to at all, my husband's thoughts and feelings were so important to me. I wouldn't have tried to have a baby without his wanting it too.

Your marriage is the most important thing, and I am sure you didn't get married only to have children. My advice is to stay honest with your husband, because you don't want to end up alone or at the least hurt your marriage by bringing a child into it when that isn't something both of you are ready for. It wouldn't be fair to your husband or child, just try to talk to him honestly about how you feel! Good luck, I know how lonely it is to want a baby and your husband isn't sure...Take care and I hope you make the right decision
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Nenis
replied on November 6th, 2005
Experienced User
Thanks For the Opinions
It is not like I dont care about his feelings. I do and we are not going to have a baby until we are both ready. I dont take birth control pills, we are on the natural method because I have some health issues when I take bith control. But right now we are no ttc at all
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sandyallen
replied on November 6th, 2005
Extremely eHealthy
May I ask, how long have you been together? Their are other methods besides the pill, do not rely on the pull-out method because of the pre-cum which I am sure you are aware of. You seem pretty smart! Good luck to you both!
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michelle1981
replied on November 6th, 2005
Supporter
Re: Ttc Also
holliadrienne wrote:
i am 23, and in july I found out I have stage 2 endometriosis, and that having children will most likely be difficult if I am able to conceive at all.


i hope you can conceive.... Good luck to you :)
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crysieL
replied on November 7th, 2005
New User
Deceiving Your Husband
My husband and I have been married for almost 5 years, when we first got married I was ready to have children. We discussed it and he thought it would be best to wait 5 years to that we can have us time and really get to know one another and just have fun (not that you can't once you have children). Anyways, I have not lost me desire to have children and just recently we began discussing it and this is our first month to try.

I would say not to lie to your husband, it was such sweet a moment when we discussed it and he said we could start trying. Don’t miss out on that moment and the excitement. Besides if you go behind his back and do become pregnant I think you would regret it and always have it hanging over your head and totally violate his trust which is a bad thing to begin and could grow into a huge mess, you know how one little lie can get carried away.

Just be honest.
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hollie686
replied on November 8th, 2005
Experienced User
Re: Ttc W/o Husband's Permission
Trying to conceive without your husband knowing may sound like a good idea because you want a baby so bad, but really isn't the best idea. Just think of all the spontaneous "fun" you guys could have when you both know what your mission is. I have been pregnant a total of 4 times (the last was a miscarriage). We did not "ttc" with all of them. Some were happy suprises. But I found that when we knew we were ttc, the sex was better - it was more exciting. It actually got me "more in the mood" to know we were trying to get pregnant. Hope this helps. Just try to be patient:) hollie
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oh_mommy
replied on November 12th, 2005
Supporter
I was thinking at one point to try to get preggo but then I thought about it, and I realised I would have to tell my bf if I did. We dont use protection so I was always thinking "when he pulls out I cam 'accidently' fall back and him slide into me by 'accident'" but then I thought "no, I cant lie to him, if he isnt ready then he isnt ready" so then later the next day I talked to him. (this was shortly after my period started0 and I asked him what he thought about it when my period came (we had a feeling I was preggo) and he said he was kinda sad because he wanted a baby sorta, but I would perfer that sorta to be a full on yes. So we decided to wait a couple months and make sure we havea stable income then we will ttc
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sbslove
replied on November 12th, 2005
Experienced User
I agree with all of u. I don't think u should deceive ur husband because all it will do is make ur husband resent u and possibly the child u have together. Not aonly that but will cause him to loose trust in u, and trust is a major thing in a relationship. I would not take that chance. Wait till ur both ready. If u have a huge desire to have a child try volunteering at ur local elementary, preschool, daycare, or just babysit for ppl when u have free time. Not only will it satisfy ur desire for awhile, it will give u good practice for when u have ur own children.
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