Depression Forum - How Can I Beat My Problems?
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How Can I Beat My Problems?

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sanjana2509

New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 22 Oct 2005
Posts: 2
Location: uk
How Can I Beat My Problems?
Posted: 10-22-05 15:02pm

I've been thro a tough past cpl of months..First I found out my bf of 5 yrs had cheated on me a yr back...I kinda went into depression and shock after that,where I felt unloved,felt like hurting myself,did so couple of times,went to counselling...

Finally we decided to give it another go as I geuinely understand the reasons why it happ(its a another long complicated story as it wasnt anything physical)..Since then im much much better,and things between us are great...But the only problem is,i still cant seem to forget it totally..There are still days where I go into hysterics..I still feel vulnerable,sometimes I cry fr no reason...Most of it linkd in someway to what happ..I feel somtimes like maybe it was coz she was better looking,maybe I wasnt good enuf...And though my bf reassures me time n again and he has learnt from his mistakes and i'm the only one he loved,i still get these negative thoughts..My self-esteem is zero...I dont know what to do to feel good bout myself again..I feel like whatever I do,i cant stand up to her in his eyes coz she was one of those perfect girls(the kind every woman dreads meeting)..I just feel like my bf has come out of this wuth a bossted ego because such a beautiful girl liked him and ive lost whatever self esteem I have..I dont know what I can do to make myself feel beter...And its a very crucial period for us,and its very important that I get over this and dont keep dargging us in the past again...All I want is to feel good about myself again and enjoy my relationship without fears that im not good enuf or it wudnt have happ had I been better looking.Hope someone who has been thro this or jus nyone who has has similar experiences can help me.Looking fwd to all ur auggestions
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jurplesman

Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 24 Jul 2004
Posts: 139
Location: Sydney Australia

Posted: 10-26-05 01:22am

Hello sanjana,

this is sad story and I can understand how you feel. It seems to me that your low self-esteem may have come to the surface after you experience that you bf cheated on you.

Sometimes the depression may have a physiological basis and I would like you to read:

what is hypoglycemia?

but I really feel that your low self-esteem may be at the bottom of your problems and I certainly agree with you that we need to do something about it.

We have a self-help program, free of charge, at our web site, under the name of psychotherapy

this program looks at the self-image and how we develop a negative self-image. Please study transactional analysis (ta). This is long complicated word for a simple idea.

It says that the mind can be divided into the parent, adult and child. When we communicate to other people we seem to be hopping from one ego to the next.

The most troublesome ego is the inner parent within us. It is a moral ego that sits in judgment all the time. When you hear people talking who sit in their inner parent ego, you hear such things as good, bad, right, wrong, you should, you mustn’t and so on and on.

The adult in us is the rational ego that knows what is or is not true. When we have a low self-esteem it is said that the parent ego in us seem to be in control. It seems to be the dominant ego, and when we want to get rid of negative ideas about ourselves we need to make the adult the dominant ego.

The parent ego can also be considered a fairly primitive part of the mind, that acts more like an animal than a rational being. Thus if we want to retrain the parent in us, we need to retrain it like we retrain a doggie that is misbehaving.

The point I want to get across is that if you study our psychotherapy course at the rate of one chapter a week and mentally practise as is suggested, you will find that in about eight weeks time you start to feel different about yourself.

The course includes a self-assertiveness training program that teaches you how to handle criticisms, not only from other people, but more importantly from within yourself. It has also a counselling training program and values clarification course. The latter will help to define what you want out of life and assess whether you are in fact compatible with other people.

You’ll find the course at psychotherapy

good luck

jur

jurriaan plesman, ba (psych) post grad dip clin nutr
for more articles see
http://www.Hypoglycemia.Asn.Au
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sanjana2509

New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 22 Oct 2005
Posts: 2
Location: uk

Posted: 10-26-05 03:57am

Hi....Thnx a lot for your input..Ya,i will join the course..I'm feeling good about it..Hope it works out..Keeping my finers crossed!..I'll let u know the results
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Pink Star

New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 07 Oct 2005
Posts: 5
Location: Caribbean Barbados
There Is Hope
Posted: 10-31-05 13:27pm

Hello sanjana

hope you are feeling much better today. However, let me say that the pain you feel after you have been betrayed comes from deep in your gut the pains comes and you can not control it. It’s like someone stabs u in the pit of your stomach with a jagged edge knife. I felt that pain. Almost eight years ago. And I cried too. Believe me, when you cry it’s not for “no reason” it’s because that gut pain stabs you and it’s the only way of release. I went through much of the questions? Why did he? But at the end of the day the answers will never be satisfying. No matter how beautiful you are a man will at times cheat. I honestly believe it has nothing to do with that. Don’t beat yourself up.

After we decided to stick together, at first it was hard, I kept calling it to mind but he was determined and we became of one mind making our relationship work. It’s been six wonderful years we have been married and we have grown closer than we were. I have been told recently that I have lupus. Just over a year ago and he has been a tower of strength to me. We serve god shoulder to shoulder and I can truly say I am happy. There was quite a bit of work involved in getting there but its well worth it.

Keep working it at it if he is willing and is there for you with time and honesty on both your part things will get better. But you must also feel better about yourself. Do things to feel good about yourself. Buy a new dress, do your hair differently, make it so u feel elegant not so much for him but for yourself and your confidence will come back. Depression is natural part of grieving in situations like these don’t feel too badly about that either, if you didn’t greave or feel then you would not have been in love.
Take care and I hope it works out well for you.
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