Joined: 22 Oct 2005 Posts: 3 Location: Leicester, UK
Please Help, Or Just Advice, I'm Breaking Down Posted: 10-22-05 08:26am
Hey there. If you're reading this, then
thankyou for taking the time :) because
i've found it difficult to get any
support.
I'm an a level student in the uk, and this
year have found the workload quite
difficult. My dad died this year in
febuary, and I managed to get on with the
work until the summer. Then when I got
back in september I was behind, because
there was a big bit of coursework I missed
over the summer hols (didnt have the work)
and without the teachers aid, I did that
along with the rest of the work. But the
teacher said that half of it was rubbish,
so I need to redo that. And then I got
more work too, bigger than the work it
took me weeks to complete before. Though
there wasn't a lot of work, the teacher
said it was my fault for not putting
effort in because it wasn't good enough.
But I spent hours on it, and am just not
upto the standard I was last year. I
can't explain why. But im behind in other
subjects too, I have two economics essays
to do, and trying to write one this
morning (they should take about a good
hour each) ive spent two three hours and
have a couple of paragraphs (rather than
two sides) and the quality is really
awful. I just cant seem to think.
I'm worried because I want to go uni next
year, but im falling behind, and nobody is
giving me sympathy - I mean, i'm not
saying I want to just be cuddled and know
i've got to take responsibility, but it's
really difficult where it used to be
really easy, yet everyone just keeps
telling me to put more effort in, but it
feels like im slogging through mud, for
all the extra effort I put in I only get a
small increase in output and im just
struggling.
Im not coping well, and im starting to
feel weird, like nervous/excited, and im
getting all these feelings I used to have
when I was a kid. I think it's cos of the
stress and maybe I cant cope and am
regressing to a time when I was safe and
secure etc.
Thanks for reading, and extra thanks (in
advance) to anyone who takes the time to
reply :).
Rich
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Belle1250
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 22 Oct 2005 Posts: 5 Location: Miami, FL
I Am So Sorry.......... Posted: 10-22-05 09:13am
I am so sorry to hear all you may be going
through at this time. I know how
difficult it is to loose someone that you
dearly love, and then be able to go and
manage the daily routines. I mean I am 24
and my life was going great, until one day
my 1 month old son past away. It was
extremely difficult as you can imagine,
but I got my strength and encouragement
from god. I was unable to think, speak,
or do anything that would be so easy any
other day. I think that you need to may
be have a good night sleep, may be drink
something to help you go to sleep (like a
tea of some sort!). And, then may be try
to hit the books that way. Always
remembering that your only rescue in times
like these, where nothing seems to be
going well, is god; and only he can shows
us a way. And, specially you that needs
that comfort, safety, and security that
your heart is longing after your father's
passing.
Hope I was able to help!!!!!!!!!!
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DreamingVD
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 22 Oct 2005 Posts: 3 Location: Leicester, UK
Re: I Am So Sorry.......... Posted: 10-22-05 11:13am
belle1250
wrote:
i am so sorry to hear all
you may be going through at this time.
I know how difficult it is to loose
someone that you dearly love, and then be
able to go and manage the daily routines.
I mean I am 24 and my life was going
great, until one day my 1 month old son
past away. It was extremely difficult
as you can imagine, but I got my strength
and encouragement from god. I was
unable to think, speak, or do anything
that would be so easy any other day. I
think that you need to may be have a good
night sleep, may be drink something to
help you go to sleep (like a tea of some
sort!). And, then may be try to hit the
books that way. Always remembering that
your only rescue in times like these,
where nothing seems to be going well, is
god; and only he can shows us a way.
And, specially you that needs that
comfort, safety, and security that your
heart is longing after your father's
passing.
Hope I was able to
help!!!!!!!!!!
god can only help me so much though, I
prayed the other night, yet it is still
down to me to do the work and get the
grades so I can get into a good university
and one day get a good career in a field I
enjoy (maths) and start a family and be a
provider for my family. And at the
moment, I can see all those dreams
crumbling away, I just cant manage with
it.
Everything seems to be going wrong. I
mean, even stupid things, like the bank -
i'm 18 and asked for a debit card when I
was 17, they said I had to be 18. I
asked for one the other day and they said
I needed an account upgrade when I don't.
But I must emit some stupid aura because
they insisted I didn't know what I needed!
I'm supposed to have this card with my
account, but dont.
My education maintenence allowance of £30
hasn't come through yet. We sent the
details off, but then they wanted dad's
death cert., so we sent that, then they
wanted a stamp from the tax office, so
they sent us the form which we sent to the
tax office who stamped it and sent it back
to us and we sent it back to them again.
Now they've sent us another letter asking
us to fill out an application form.
Which is what I did in the first place.
I phoned them up and told them, but the
woman there was just stupid and ignored
what I said and just told me to fill it
out. But if they've lost it I need to
get all the documents together again and
everything's just too much.
Edit: thankyou graciously for you advice
however :)
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sarah77
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 25 Oct 2005 Posts: 2 Location: USA
Thinking of You Posted: 10-25-05 19:51pm
I am so sorry to hear about everything
that has happened for you. I have justed
started working on my own anxiety problem
and I was looking here to see what others
have to say. I noticed your message and
it reminded me of a lot of things that I
have felt. For example, when you talked
about the stress of school and wanting to
do well while dealing with personal
issues, that was very familiar, as well as
when you said that things felt strange and
unreal and that you knew you had to do
things for yourself.
The main thing I wanted to say is that
even though you have to do things yourself
and for yourself, that doesn't mean you
have to do them alone. If you are ready
for it, you might find it helpful to talk
to a counselor or psychologist. I have
found it very helpful to have a person who
isn't directly involved in my life but
that is trained to deal with the
situations I am going through as my
resource to help me get through things and
learn from the experience of doing that.
Anyone in any of your situations might
feel overwhelmed, and to deal with each of
them takes a lot of energy and courage.
It sounds like you are doing your best to
deal with all of the details, even if it
doesn't feel that way. The fact that you
are working to deal with these things and
reaching out to others makes me think that
you have a lot of strength, even if you
don't feel it now. If you don't want to
talk to a therapist, maybe there is a
friend or a family member who can listen.
A lot of schools in the us have
psychologists or peer counselors to help
students, maybe there is something like
that there. My personal opinion is that
it helps to have someone outside of
friends and family to help from a
personal, not professional stance. Some
people also find it helpful to write
things down and talk about it that way.
Whatever you decide to do, know that even
though you have to do it yourself you
don't have to do it alone, and that to an
outsider you sound like you are strong,
even though I am sure it may not feel that
way. Even though we've never met, i'll
be thinking of you and hoping we both get
though things ok. Hopefully the bank and
the education allowance people will stop
being stupid too. I believe you can deal
with all this and I just wanted to send
some encouragement and ideas for dealing
with things.
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jurplesman
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 24 Jul 2004 Posts: 139 Location: Sydney Australia
Posted: 10-26-05 00:00am
Hello dreaming dv,
it seems to me with the death of a family
member and being under extreme stress at
the uni, that stress hormones are starting
to interfere with the production of feel
good neurotransmitters such as
serotonin.
This can lead to all sorts of 'mental'
problems, but really is a physiological
problem.
I think you can turn things around if you
go on a hypoglycemic diet. You need a
high energy diet away from refined
carbohydrates and good quality high
protein sources.
i was reading your message and it is very
similar to things I have been through.
You have to remember you have been through
so much and you have to give your body
time to adjust. Stressing yourself out
about your work doesn`t help you get it
done any better, I know this as I went
through my exams at uni and the stress was
causing my hair to fall out, I was losing
weight and I was a complete emotional
wreck. It didn`t get my work done and the
only way I could cope with the work load
was to sit down and work out a study plan.
I know it sounds cheesy and obvious but
it really worked for me. You may have
days when your brain is consumed with
other things and you won`t get as much
done, but then there are the days when you
get lots done. Make a point of giving
yourself time off, sometimes working when
your not getting anywhere makes you even
more stressed and frustrated.
Believe me I know how hard your economics
and other subjects can be, this is what I
did at university! Stress will affect you
in so many ways the first will be your
performance when working. Your
concentration is affected amongst other
things. Have you asked your teachers for
support, do they know your situation? I
used my schools guidance teacher when I
was having a rough time, they could even
talk to your teachers on your behalf.
As for everything else, don`t let it
stress you out the bank and stuff like
that really isn`t important. You are!
Stress and anxiety can cloud your
judgement and make you feel all sorts of
horrible things. Look after yourself, I
know you will say you don`t have time but,
make time to relax, read, do something you
really enjoy. It really helps to take
your mind off matters.
Some things in life bogs us down and makes
us think we can`t get through things but I
bet that you will get through this and you
will get stronger from it. You will learn
so many good coping skills, take a look at
anxiety on the web you will find good
advice but also don`t follow everything
you read just because something happened
to someone else doesn`t mean this will
happen to you.
