Has the Man In My Life Resigned Himself to Total Ed?

I am 46, my boyfriend is 55. Since we first met several years back he has never been able to have intercourse with me. We do other things. Mainly I masturbate and he helps or watches. Oral sex on me. But he cannot maintain any erection for me to do much for him.

The most difficult part of this is I want sex. And he will not discuss this -- he finds every way to avoid a direct conversation about it ... I never attack him, judge him. Yet he is very defensive. "i am too tired right now, etc., to talk about this..."

i think he could lose weight, get off some high blood pressure meds, etc. He blames his ex-wife for making him "lose trust in women."

god, it sounds like i've already answered my question.

He blames me, and has so on a number of occasions for why we haven't had sex. Not always. But he'll say, "well, remember that was when you had the bad cramps." or worst of all he has said, "you ignored my erection." (this was on a trip a few years ago).
On that occasion.
1. He could have told me, or should have as I want intercourse with him
2. His belly is a bit too rotund for me to feel an erection in a spoon position. The easiest way for us to make love would be from behind... Which I love! And we can't do it. I just want to feel him inside of me. I want this so much.

I don't want to sound !**@!. I think I know what the end of this story is. We are both very good friends. He has a lot of good qualities. I am lonely. I have my own problems that he has to deal with, I understand this. There is always compromise.

But sex is very important to me. I haven't had sex, intercourse, in I don't know when. The last time was with an agressive man my age who knew how to make me feel very feminine and we had a lot of intercourse.

How in god's name do I communicate this to him? I want to come right out and say it. Once he said in a tone that is unusual for him "what, you want me to sneak off and take a bunch of little blue pills?" I believe he is afraid of taking viagra or cialus.

I don't know what's going on or what to do. And someone may say i'm crazy, but I am afraid of the future. I really am. And that is the wrong reason to be in a relationship that has such a major problem.

Any comments any which way.
Sorry this is so long. My first post.
I fear the answer is loneliness. I feel very old almost 47. Single. Problems of my own. Very sad and scared.

Thank you,
sandpiper