I hope this was the right place to put this...If not, I apologize.


I'm coming here now because i'm stressed out and depressed beyond belief. I'm a senior in high school who feels completely lost and terrified about college and life in general. Things just keep piling up, i'm almost constantly busy and the things I love are slowly being taken away from me.


I haven't watched anything I like on tv for about a month. I can barely find time to read and when I do, i'm too nervous about other things to concentrate. I space out a lot and often feel trapped. I can’t even write as much as i’d like to.


I had depression really badly in 7th grade which resulted from being bullied, eventually into leaving school after 9th grade and enrolling in a cyber school. I've developed social anxiety since 7th grade and only feel comfortable in certain places such as the library, my own home, and my grandmother's. I also developed a strange quirk where, during the summer, I feel most comfortable when wearing sun glasses, even as night begins to fall. I guess I feel…invisible? Like maybe no one can read me if they can’t see my eyes…

what with volunteering at the library every monday and thursday for three hours, an open house at penn state coming up that my dad didn't ask me about before scheduling, the pssa, scholarship applications, and the sat, i'm always worried.

Every time I think about what's to come I panic and cry (in fact i've been crying off and on for about an hour now). I keep thinking "what's the point of all of this? I'll work really hard for four years and go straight into having a job the rest of my life. When will I ever have time to do what I truly love?" the future looks really horrid from my point of view so I really want just one year off after high school to settle my nerves down.


I would love to have a year where I can go to the library and read when I want. Where I can write and visit my grandmother more...Where I can just exist and not feel so...Wretched. I just can't seem to handle everything coming up...My senior year is, thus far, the busiest of them all. I'm into my 7th week now and nothing feels right, or good.


My breathing starts to accelerate, my eyes begin to fill with tears, and everything looks absolutely hopeless...And when I happen to be calm, i'm only interested in a few things. I'm not interested in making friends or dating, I don't want to be around others, I don't trust anyone besides my mom and sometimes my dad, and I don't enjoy a lot of things I used to. I don't always feel depressed but I don't feel normal...What's wrong with me?

Edit: a lot of the things I typed are being lowercased and uppercased once posted here and my emoticons won't work. Whats wrong?