It is normal whether you want to hear that or not. I am a bit disturbed by the fact that you would base someones virginity on how their gentials look. Not to mention the fact that you think when a woman has sex her genitals "become loose making everything hang out." your perception of women and their bodies is really out of whack. The inner lips of a woman's vagina typically do hang out. In fact that is the norm. The process starts at puberty and it is something that happens whether a girl has sex or not.

I am also bothered by the statement that your girlfriend's virginity is a big part of what makes you love her. That instantly brings to mind the question what if she told you when she first met you that she wasn't a virigin? Would you not have been in a relationship with her?

To be honest with you - a persons virginity is their own business. I don't think your girlfriend has to tell you whether or not she is a virgin because it ultimately comes down to being none of your business. You have to realize, she had a life before you came along, and she'll have a life long after you leave - just as you did and you will. But, if ya'll are open with each other and do share your past sexual history with one another, then I think you should trust your girlfriend enough to tell you the truth. And if she has told you that she is still a virgin you should believe her. You should have that amount of trust in your relationship.

Now one final thing I have been thinking - if ya'll aren't having sex but you have seen her naked and have gotten a very good close look at her genitals, ya'll are holding onto virginity by a very thin technicality. But - ultimately its only matters to yourselves. So, I wish you luck - stop being so hard on your girlfriend, it is all normal whether you want to admit it or not. Give the poor girl a break.

Hey I would just talk to ur gf and ask her to tell her the truth...Im not much of an expert on this cause I just lost my virignity...But if u finger her can u fit alot of fingers in bla bla bla...Maybe she lost her virginity to some guy that she didnt want to maybe she was raped and doesnt consider that she is not a virgin since she was forced to do it...U never know..And the thing about u lovin her cause of how she is a virgin thats really stupid ....I hope u find out....Good luck

Florida girl: I didn't even think about asking for input on the things I respect about my girlfriend. Personally, I think it's the most important thing in the world for couples to know eachother's history. Maybe this is a bad idea for promiscious people because they're so ashamed they screw anything that moves. And to answer your question, I was in no way looking for a virgin and didn't even expect her to be ok? But it's something I respect a lot, I don't know why that's such a bad thing. I think history does matter, I in no way want a girlfriend who's a promiscuous person because I wouldn't have very much respect considering i'm not that way either. It's your damn opinion whether or not someone's history is their own business. Of course it's not most people's but I definitely believe that it is the business of your partner. What the hell are you talking about? "you did and you will" (leave her)? What kind of sick and twisted mentality do you have florida girl?

News flash!! Hiv is very prominent in florida! Keep that in mind. Who the hell said I was being hard on my girlfriend either? I asked one simple question and you gave me your perspective on relationships (i'd hate to be your boyfriend knowing your beliefs on a relationship). I asked a question, you answered it in your first paragraph. Everything else you said just makes me think you're a promiscuous person.

Hmm hmm hmm..How to respond? Do I stoop down to the name calling and petty inferences? Or do I take a more mature approach? I think i'll do the opposite of what you did and i'll take the mature approach.

I will admit that I know nothing of you or your relationship with your girlfriend. Instead, I must go with what you have provided me, and anyone else reading your post, about you and your relationship. What I got from your post was a very uninformed and naive view of women. Or maybe a better way to say it is a very immature view of women.

I agree with you that it is important from a health standard to know about your partner's sexual past, but I disagree with finding out whether your partner is a virgin simply to know if your partner is a "promiscuous person" as you so eloquently put it. For that reason, I believe its none of your business. You asked your girlfriend, she gave you her answer. But you weren't satisified so now here you are, on the internet graphically describing your girlfriend's genitals to strangers, trying to discern whether or not she is lying to you. That's sad. Where is the trust and feelings you claim to have for her? I think the things you said in your original post are very degrading and disrespectful to not only your girlfriend but to all women.

I seriously hope that you are young and will grow out of this immaturity. I hope that you will become more informed about women's bodies and learn that there are much much more important things about women and relationships with women than whether they are virgins or how many people they have been with.

Just to quickly comment on your sexually transmitted disease statement: a person can have intercourse with 30 different people and never get a sexually transmitted disease while another person can have oral sex with just one other person and contract an std without ever having actually slept with them. The number of people you have been with is not indicative of your sexual health. It is very naive and dangerous to think that.

Well, i'm a virgin too so it's important to me. Don't call me immature because I have morals and think morals are important. I never ever said that that's the only important thing nor the only thing that matters. Forgive me for not being a pro when it comes to vaginal knowledge. It's a complicated organ and I don't have one to answer the question myself so I nicely asked for the information. It does make me very sad to even think my girlfriend would lie about that, it's important to me. You have your opinions, I have mine let's just keep it at that. It would have been way better if you had just answered my question like you did in the first sentence in your reply. By saying the other things you said, you made me realize even more how lucky I am to have the girlfriend that I do. Because she doesn't at all think the way you seem to. Anyway, thanks for the answer, it's all I really wanted and I could have done without the other things you said. Don't bother making another post because I won't see it.

Later

Smithy-i have a lot of respect 4 u cos there arent many guys like u so well done.I can totally understand y u love there fact that ur girlfriends a virgin cos its something u c as important & its important that ur partner feels the same.Not every1 wants 2 screw around cos some people actually only want 1 speical person 4 thewir whole life.
Dont listen 2 those people who cant respect u cos theyre not worth it.I hope ur very happy with ur girlfriend & u seem like a gud guy so gud luck & I hope things work out
liz :d

Maybe she is a virgin and her body type is just inherited. Why are you judmental of someone you say you love? Also are you a virgin still too? If not you have no room to talk! Most boys loose there virginity before the girl does! There is so much based on a girls looks before the guy will even ask her out- her looks and body- that makes me sick to see! I am a skinny girl. I have dated many but I am not a promiscuous person. Many guys dated me to try and get between my legs not for myself or my brain. If I dated a guy that always pressured me for sex they got dumped-fast! I dont play that game. What a girl does before she meet you should remain in the past. Usually if a girl has given her virginity before she met you means she was once in love thinking she was going to be with him for the rest of her life and gave her heart to him to let her virginity go. Dont judge a girls body no one body looks identical that is why god made us diffrent to tell each other apart. Would you judge the movie dumbo being diffrent for having big ears??? If you even loved her you would accept every flaw about her and not worry about having sex with her for love between one another is forever lasting and no need to rush sex if your honest and loyal to one another !!!!!

If your basing your entire assumption on the fact that her inner lips hang out, thats the most ridiculous thing i've ever heard of! A young virgin girl who rides a bicycle frequently can have the same thing. Some women are just made with longer lips than others. I personally had lips that hung further down....Before I ever had sex, or a man even touched me....Probably because I did ride a bike all the time, and I was very athletic. I also did gymnastics, including the uneven parallel bars, which can also stretch the lips.

It sounds to me like you watch a little too much porn and you're basing your expectations and "knowledge" of sex and women by what you see in porn. Honey, porn is all about pretend. Most of what you see isn't real, its faked....And then enhanced by film and computer editing. Its time to grow up. It doesn't sound like you care about your gf at all....It sounds more like you are a little too concerned about whether she's a virgin or not......Are you? Or do you just have a huge double standard?

Thank you sparkly pixie. And the 2 who relied after her..Take some time to read the thread before posting, you would have seen that I am a virgin.

That's it, goodnight. Someone delete this thread please.

hey smithy-
first of all I would like to commend you on loving your girlfriend for being a virgin. That is not to say that virginity is the only reason that you love her. Personally, I wish that I would have taken virginity seriously when I was younger. Unfortunately for me, I did not. I gave in to my urges, and ended up having a baby. Ofcourse, I do not regret my son, but I do regret not waiting, and not being more careful. When I met my husband, we both had a child from a previous relationship. Neither of us would change that for the world, but we both wish that we would have saved ourselves for each other. So, I truly admire both you and your girlfriend for saving yourselves.

To answer your question,
if your girlfriend says that she is a virgin, than you should feel confident that she is telling you the truth. Some girls think that it is "cool" to not be a virgin, and they saythey are not when they really are. I am only one person, but I have never known anyone to say that they are a virgin and not be. Oh, and about her vaginal lips hanging down...
When I was younger, (about 13/14) my aunt came to me and asked me if I was having sex. I was very "weirded out" by that question, because I was still a virgin. She said that my lips were "hanging out". I had always attributed that to using a tampon. Anyway, ever since then, I always wondered if I was normal. I have had a complex about that for six years now. I now have two children, and not to be weird, but my private parts went right back to normal. So I now know that how I look is how I am supposed to look. You may really want to put some thought into whether or not you want to mention that to your girl. You may hurt her feelings, or make her shy to sleep with you in the long run. You may even make her think you doubt her honesty to you and your relationship, or make her feel like you are not a virgin and you now have a guilty conscience.

I really hope I helped, and no matter what others say, you should always feel free to come here and post your questions- that is what this site is for.

Sincerely,

marissa

Well put marissa :d

Smithy I dont know much about you or your girlfriend but when I was 30 pounds lighter my inner lips were on the outside also... Then I gianed 30 pounds and now they arnt out as much dam I have to get on the ball and lose some weight but thats not the issue all bodies are different no snatch looks the same just as no penis is the same as far is doing the whole wiat until your married thing I give you mad credit for that I think thats great sometimes I wish I would have waited and if both of you can wait until you are married either to each other or to someone else then good just keep in mind all bodies are different and all bodies are subject to change as far as her telling you the truth I think she is why would she lie about something like that and if she is maybe her first time is something she wants to forget about us girls are funny like that and if thats the case then you should respect the fact that she wants to forget about it but on the other hand make it clear to her that the most import thing to you is her honesty and that she can tell you anything and if you truely love her then you will over look her faults and ease her fears. Good luck in your relationship I hope you are both happy and continue to be happy for a very long time if not forever

Hey smithy, Jersey girl, and Forum girl,

It's been 5 YEARS since you guys posted these messages on girls, relationships, and virginity.

Just wanted to know how you each are doin, if smithy's still with the girl, and if it turns out she was a virgin.

I'm guessing: She was a virgin, you guys aren't together, and ya both are with different people now, and happy.

And the married girl w/ two kids is still married, with 3.

Whatcha think- am I close?

Dave

WOW this happened 5 yrs ago? But~ 1 question..... please i wanna know~ err~ i saw this show on tv~ it was about a girl going to the plastic sirgeon to sew up her Vigina so that her boyfriend would think that she is still a virgin.... so when a girl is no longer a virgin~ her virgina is bigger or more open? just a silly question cause i kinda found it interesting~ please answer

No. What the girl on tv meant by "sewing up her vagina" was actually sewing the HYMEN or "cherry" back up. The hymen is a piece of skin that covers the opening of the vagina. It can be broken by sex, riding bikes, tampons, horseback riding, stretching, doing the splits, etc. It is NOT an indicator of whether or not a girl is a virgin. Just because a girl lacks her "cherry" does not mean she is not a virgin. Actually it is very hard if not impossible whether to tell if a girl is a virgin or not unless she tells you she isn't or if she has had a baby. Having a baby can temporarily stretch things out down there, but it usually goes back to normal within 6 months. And obviously a c-section scar if she did not give birth vaginally. This does not mean that scar is not from some other abdominal surgery. So, in short, you cannot ever tell if a girl is a virgin by her lips, her lack of hymen, etc. The only way you can tell is if she has had a baby vaginally, and only a doctor would then be able to tell. The cervix of a woman who has had a vaginal delivery is different than that of a woman who has never given birth. Other than that, it is all her words.

Since you seem to have so many sanctimonious standards, why are you watching porn and looking at your girlfriend naked before you're married??? The only reason I would see for wanting to know the sexual history of your girl friend would be to make sure she hadn't contracted a sexually transmitted disease during her walk on the wild side. You don't need to know how many partners she has had to determine this. I've known people who contracted a sexually transmitted disease from just one sexual partner and I've know people who have had a lot of partners, but have never contracted anything. I recommend that you both get tested for peace of mind and stop focusing on the past and start focusing on your future life together. Now if she chooses to step outside of the marriage bed that's another thing.

This thread is 6 years old....and foolish to reply to....