I Hurt Myself

Hello there karlina.

I read your forum and felt like talking to you, and wondered if I can give you any advice at all. If you don’t want any please delete this and forget about it, but if not then please do use anything I say to help and feel free to write back...I'm all ears!
One thing I want you to do, is right now say aloud...
"i'm not stupid and i'm not weak." go ahead...Say it aloud. Lol I know it sounds crazy but trust me hunny, you are in no ways stupid or weak because you have recently harmed yourself. In fact you should give yourself a pat on the back.
Some people know that it's wrong but never really admit it or ignore the morals behind it. You have a strong will that's needs to be strengthened. You know that it's bad, but the many occurrences in your life that aggravate you, make your will weaken, and you succumb to harming yourself again. Now if you really want to stop it then try and think of something else to relieve your stress, anger or pain. Try screaming into a pillow, phoning up a mate. Even things like yoga or meditating really help. Eating chocolate is my favourite source of relaxation! (i know... It's an excuse as well!)
also is to find a barrier to place in front of the path of harming yourself. When you feel like your walking down that path you should find something to make you turn around and walk the other way.
I'll tell you something I once saw which scared me...

I used to be in a dance group. I wasn't extremely happy about my image as i'm a bit of a plump girl, which is my fault but hey! Anyways there was a new girl there who was very gorgeous; lovely blonde hair, tall physique, blue eyes, the lot. Yet when it came to our performance one night, when we were waiting backstage, I noticed her arms. There were chunks missing from where she had literally 'cut' her arms.

This is not a joke. She had ruined her arms. Now sweetheart; i’m sure you are a very pretty person, and like I said before no doubt have a stronger will than others. The only person who can change yourself is you. I know you have problems in family and other aspects of life, but that, in respect to life is like challenging an assault course; their will be obstacles in your way and some where you won't be able to tackle them at first. But giving up and resulting in self-harming is not the answer. Good luck hunny, I believe in you. I hope one day a smile will appear on your face.

I'm around on the health forum if ya ever need a chat.

Kitty
xx

I know I haven't replied to your comments... To be honest I was really ashamed and embarrassed after I wrote that thing about me and self-harming... I don't really like talking about myself... But I know that I need help!!! It was a long time ago when I wrote that paragraph, but not much has changed... Yes, I still cut myself, I still have problems with my family... But I know that this helps... I know it's wrong and I have scars all over my arms, but I cant help it... I need to get rid of the pain, anger, also fear... It just helps.... And I dont feel than lost anymore.... I know i'm gonna finish school in 1.5 years, I will move to england to study, I will be far far away from my family.... And I have my mp3 player.... I know it sounds pathetic, but music is the thing that keeps me from doing really stupid things (lets not get in too many details...), I have started to listen to all these emo-punk bands and it just feels great.... Music has such a power!!!
So thanks to everyone who bothered to write to me, it really helped..... Take care,
karlina
xxx

Hi karlina,
i just wanted to tell you that you are normal and the problems you have with your family and friends are perfectly normal also. Yes, you should try and find a more constructive way to handle emotions like stress, etc., but that can be so difficult especially for those of us who don't have a lot of friends, let alone a close friend.

Music was my outlet also when I was younger. I even went to university to get degrees in music and loved that time in my life, but even that was stressful trying to meet everyone else's expectations. I also used food as my "cutting" and I now wish I hadn't but that's life. Unfortunately, the bad things we do to ourselves when we are younger haunt us when we are older and wiser.

But, what you need to do (and me also) is to use that stress and anger, etc., towards something good, and music is one of the best things you can put your soul into. If you don't already, start writing music, songs. When someone angers you, write an angry song. Beethoven was angry as he got older because he was going deaf. He wrote some of the best music ever where you can hear and feel that anger, and it's great! When you are sad and hurt, write a melancholy tune. Who knows, you might end up being a famous composer or musician some day. :)

i did do that when I was younger, but have now moved away from music. Thankfully I also draw and I have really noticed that when something upsets me, if I draw, everything goes away. I don't do this enough but because of your postings, I think I will start drawing more especially when I feel stress or other negative feelings coming on.

See, you are an intelligent human being with a lot of feelings, which will make you a great musician if you use your feelings in a constructive way. You have motivated me to draw more. Thank you. I hope you can motivate yourself with our encouragement here. We are always here to vent or just talk.

God bless...
Carol

Hi karlina.
I used to cut myself too. Cutting always seemed like the best solution to everything. It's not.

It's great to hear that music helps you. It does not sound pathetic at all. I always listen to the soundtrack from the cartoon 'the land before time'.. You know, the dinosaur cartoon.. The song if we hold on together by diana ross from that cartoon never failed to help me regain my spirits and keep my mood cool and collected. These are my favourite lines.. They've helped me "wake up" and told me that it's not the end of the world and that I should never give up..
"don't lose your way with each passing day, you've come so far don't throw it away."
"valley mountain there is a fountain, washes our tears all away."
"if we hold on together I know our dreams will never die. Dreams see us through to forever, as high as souls can fly, the clouds roll by for you and i."
i pray that it helps you too.

This might sound crazy as an advice on what to do: cry.
I'm serious. If you're sad, just go ahead and cry. I don't remember where, but I read this before somewhere and it said that crying promotes relaxation. I'll try to find out more about this again.. Until then, I wish you all the best and I know that you can overcome this. We're all here behind you giving full support!

If you have the money you should take a or tai kwan do.I just started taking tkd and it is pretty cool.You feel powerful and indestructable but at the same time they teach you self discapline and self esteem.It helps me out loads,promise!
Everyone's got their stories but mine is a little diff.I use to cut myself in the 8th grade but I think I did it cause it was cool and to get attemtion.I also 'erased' my bf's name into my arm,of course using an erasor on a pencil.Girl,i hope you feel better and learn better how to channel your anger! If you want to mail me it is z_l ost_angel_z@yahoo.Com

Hey karlina,
i'm new here but seening all these messages and people giving advice and everything has helped me and made me feel some better.They aren't telling you to quit cause most on here know its not that easy.They are just there for you and care and giving you support and advice when you need it.Just trust god has a plan for you and keep going.Be strong and don't give up and never think suicide is the answer cause think about what you would miss out on if you did kill yourself.I'll post more to see how you are and stuff.

-danielle

i cut myself too... i cut myself so deeply in school for sumone i had to go to the hospital... that sumone hated me because i ignored him because he thought i was pretending to be his friend all along because i love him..he's just being stupid... he stared at the blood and went away with disgust...i cried... like he even cares... and my mom is as evil as this she yells at me for doing ocd because i think of him every second and every second i think of him i do ocd and every second i do ocd my mom yells at me and everytime this happens i cry and everytime i cry i cut myself its feels so great letting all the pain of blood rush out of ur body...forcing all the stress on ur arms to substitute the pain.. my mom would yell at me calling me useless wasteful daughter she always tells me to either suicide leave the house or be sent to an orphanage i get so scared... i use to cry every night... because i get scared and depressed and now i cry for him listening to songs at night... i cry myself to sleep... and even in my sleep i dream of him nitemares where i would say sorry and cry and drag his foot he would kick me away and leave and i would cry and kill myself then 911 came ... in my dream... i once dreamed he forgave me i was so happy i didnt wanna wake up... i get scared i use to cry at night because i get scared and depressed like ur trapped in a dark hole with no exit... u cant see can go anywhere and cant die ur just trapped for their rest of ur life... its really scary.. ocd my mom and him all killing me and it kills even more to kno that ur getting hurt physically because ur hurt inside...u dont know wats happened and my mom use to hit me if i get below 90 and she always says im useless worthless wasteful daughter and i wanna prove her that just coz i hav ocd doesnt mean i cant do anything im still capable of achieving things just because i hav ocd doesnt mean im uesless and i used to think why do people suicide its stupid why do people cut themselves its stupid why do people fall in love and get hurt its stupid... and here i am contradictiong myself i feel like there 2 me fighting each other... a mxiture of feelings a messed up heart... if ur half alive and half dead y not die completely sumtimes i wonder how my heart is able to live... until today until now how im typing this how i survive everyday because i dont wanna become one of those...sorry if this just made u feel worse but i thought letting u know ur not alone and... dont be sorry that u cut urself... because its not ur fault it wasnt ur choice... u do it because ur depressed and people will try their best to help u...we love to know we're not alone... and even tho i hav all these problems ... doesnt mean im not here to help... im always here and will always listen i cry wen i read other people's stories i feel so sorry for them... i wanna stand by time and cry with them ( i know that doesnt help but) crying relieves all ur pain its makes u look funny but wat matters! ur in pain depressed let the tears of pain flow out and if u get more let them keep flowing... if more tears can hurt u then u can hav more strength to rid them...thats all i can do and say im sorry if it was useless...