I am a closeted 20 year old college guy with a big problem. I've always had relationships with girls, that have never quite had the spark i'm looking for. I've had crushes on lots of guys, and been attracted to guys, but it was never anything I couldn't control. Last year I met a guy in a study abroad program, and we became fast friends. He was perfect. Good-looking, intelligent, witty, good-hearted, perfect in every way, and straight. We became roommates, and best friends, and I soon fell completely in love with him. When he would joke about girls he'd hooked up with, my heart would break. I'd feel as if somebody had punched me in the gut. It grew to the point that I think about him all the time, could see myself marrying him and living with him for the rest of my life. He has become the most important thing in my life, but he has absolutely no idea. I had to restrain myself from taking peeks at him sleeping, from staring at his beautiful face just a bit too long, from allowing drunken evenings to spill my big secret. What should I do? I want so badly to tell him, hoping beyond hope that there is a small chance that he might feel the same way. But I fear that telling him would result in his freaking out, and losing the relationship we do have. It's tearing me up inside. To not have him in my life would be just unbearable. He's not really homophobic, but he is southern, and homosexuality is something that has never come up between us. As far as he knows, i'm totally straight. Any advice would be appreciated.