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How to Get Over the Past........

I have a question for all the married couples...Has it been hard for anyone to get over your spouses' past...Or reverse them yours...If so...How did you deal with it? How do u forget about it and their past experiences they had with other people...How do u overcome someone else (or however many) has done stuff with your spouse? What is the best way to deal with that and not ponder and think on it? Do a lot of couples do this? For us it does not create a major issue, it is just an aggravation more so...Just wanting some feedback.....
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replied October 13th, 2005
Experienced User
They Aren't With the Ex Anymore!!
Well, I used to be very jealous of my husbands ex girlfriend. The reason was because he was with her for 5 years and shared so much with her. I felt like I missed out on so much with him that she got to experince with him. Now, how I got over that was just keeping in mind that she was no longer in the picture and that I am the love of his life now. Talking about past relationships will get you nowhere but in a big fight!!

Good luck and .God bless,

teresa white
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replied October 13th, 2005
Experienced User
Ya know, this is exactly what i'm having problems with in my current relationship of over 6 months..The longest for the both of us. My g/f lost her virginity at the age of 14..So when she mentions and age of what she did back them..I'm always comparing to that age of 14..And I hate it, just thinking how young she was. She has been with three other guys prior to myself..And I hate the thought of thinkin bout it. But still, as much as I hate it, we just have to realize they're with us now. What they did back then is what brougth them to us now..If they hadn't done what they did..They may not be with you. And really, u just need to look at the person they are on the inside..It's not all about the sex...It's just who they are ya know. Trust me..It's easier said than done. Some days I feel awesome about us, the next day my mind will start wandering, and then I want to ask questions i've already asked...And yet receive the same answer. I just hope to god it leaves me eventually..Good luck buddy
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replied November 17th, 2009
GIRLFRIEND'S PAST
I can definitely relate to your guy's problems. I have been dating my girlfriend for over 10 months now. She is great: beautiful, down to earth, funny; basically everything I could ask for in a girl. However, I cannot get over the fact that she gave a guy in my fraternity a blow job in the beginning of the last year. The thing is, the guy is not one of my favorites so its been really hard for me to get over that. She told me in June, when I made the stupid mistake of asking her and it has haunted me ever since. I know the cliche things people will tell me such as, "she's with you now, that's all that matters" and stuff like that but that doesn't seem to work. And I know I have a double standard, I've been much more promiscious and had more sexual partners than she has, but I still can't seem to wrap my head around it. It's like I regret asking her. The hardest part is everything that can remind me of it, does. I just wish there was something I could change in myself to stop thinking about it as much. Something that could help me accept what happen and love her for who she is. She is a great girl, and I've already hurt her with this situation before so the last thing I want to do is bring her into it again. I know that it is my insecurity and I need to deal with it. CAN ANYBODY PLEASE HELP?
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replied November 17th, 2009
Community Volunteer
Yes, you asked her about this and she answered you...She was being truthful...Life is not a confessional...Who or what she did with another man in her yesterdays should have no bearing on your today...It is the person that you fell in love with and love that is important....If you can't get over this, then let her go....She sounds like she deserves better than ever having this thrown in her face again...She is a woman...Hot, young and experimental....Her yesterday is her yesterday....Her today is her today....Take care...

Caroline
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replied November 17th, 2009
GirLFRIEND'S PAST (cont.)
thanks caroline,

i wish it was that easy, but letting her go sounds so much like giving up. I know that these types of situations will be ones I have to deal with in the future, unless I marry a virgin, which sounds highly unlikely so I would like to be able with my present situation at hand before I let in bog me down again and again in my future relationships as well as this one. I'm not ready to let her go, I love her. But I am ready to let THIS go. Should I talk to the guy, or would that do anything? I mean, a lot of it I think is the fact that she chose someone who I dissapprove of before me and I guess that kind of sounds like a slap of the face. I mean I know it was the beginning of the school year and everybody was new and he may have seemed like a great guy in the beginning, but I guess now that I've seen his true colors, its hard for me to understand why she went for him in the first place.
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replied November 17th, 2009
Community Volunteer
My young friend...It is better for us to sow our wild oats now rather than later in life....She did not pick you first, because she had a yearning for him....That's life...

When you opened Pandora's Box and asked her these questions, you should have been prepared for the answers...You weren't....Move on...In your eyes she is not worthy of you....

Good luck....

Caroline
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replied November 17th, 2009
Experienced User
To this day nothing will get my hackles up faster in my relationships than having my past thrown in my face after my partner has asked and I have been honest. I am a firm believer that if you cannot handle the answer the question shouldn't be asked. Be prepared for anything when you ask and be prepared to wear your big boy undies when you get the answer. Particularly if the answer twists your shorts. Actually, these days, if I am asked a question about my past sexual experiences I tell the asker to think about it for a couple of days first. Think about how the answer may affect them and come back to me in a while and ask again. If they are sure they can handle it I answer. If there is doubt about how they will be able to handle it I simply tell them that is past and does not affect us now and I prefer not to answer. If they cannot accept this it is a great indicator they cannot accept that my past is past and could be an issue with our future. I am willing to talk about it but not willing to be judged for it nor am I willing to be stressed out and frazzled in my relationship by something I cannot change. How is having details of a partners sexcapades relevant to you anyway? I feel it is only necessary to know that if partner is a virgin or not and if they are disease free or not.

Our partners past is something we cannot fight or change. It is what it is and will always be. Deal with it or don't but don't make her pay for it when it has nothing to do with you and for GAWDS sake man, why in the heck would you talk to him about it? He is likely to gloat and just make you feel worse about it. Talking to him would be a really bad move.
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replied April 26th, 2012
oh well
In some ways the decisions a person makes in the past represent the person tgey truly are. If someone sleeps with a person or persons as soon as they meet them, whatbdoes that say about there character. If you stand on the premise that a person is not their past then should we hold murders and thieves accountable for their PAST, after all isnt it their past. I let mine go and i looked for and found someone that despite having a past they had respect for self. Women used to be held in such high regard, sadly men have learned to disrespect them from them. Very few woman understand that they hold the prize, instead they give it to everyone then wonder why they only meet losers. Oh well
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replied November 17th, 2009
Extremely eHealthy
Just dont think about it...everyone has a past...but obviously it didn't work out and you're with them now...as someone else said, thinking about the past really gets you absolutely no where..you cant change it...whats done is done...and its in the PAST..so just focus on being that persons future
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replied September 11th, 2011
the sexual past that ended us
Is the past truly to be forgotten, or is it a reminder of who omeone may really be. I have an issue with someones past and despite how i feel about her im going to have to end it. Sadly compared to some of you she would be next to a porn star. I remembe when we were friends a guy said she picked the wrong profession, porn would have been a bette choice. I care iabout her and because i do i now see i must let he go. All ofnyou were right, she deserves someone that will let he be the woman she is now. Thank you all
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replied April 26th, 2012
2 YEARS GOING AND NEEDING HELP SO BADLY...
soo here's the thing. My boyfriend has a really rough past, All with woman that were really skanky,partied, did drugs. I can get past ALL that but I live in a really small town and have to run into them all the time. plus right before we got togeather he showed me pictures of all of them.. Feels like He wants me to feel awful.. I never asked to see them or know about what has gone on but yet here I am almost two years later. Sometimes it feels like he wants me to be like them all 105lbs I am 155lbs so I feel very unhappy in my own skin anymore. And the woman he "loved" before me wasn't only 105 and beautiful she was willing to have 3somes and was way into it. I'm not I have never been nor have I ever tried a drug. How can I get past feeling so bad about myself and get him to have a filter on his mouth???
I have never once judged him for the lifestyle he has lived. never one thought any less but 39other woman COME ON CANT HELP BUT FEELING CRAPPY IN MY SKIN!!!! FEELS LIKE HE RUBS MY FACE IN THAT FACT!! 2years and I still feel bad and he swears he loves me and wants to spend his life with mw but yethere we are not speaking.. HELP!!
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