Eternal Erection Problem

Hi.. I sometimes enjoy life, and think how lucky I am.
Often this is due to me neglecting my eternal problem, that I have come to live with.

Here's the ins and outs..

Im a male, aged 20 years old. Always been popular, have had my fair share of girls, well, to a certain degree.. As you will find out below.
The feeling of mis-opportunity hurts me dearly.

As a kid, aged 4, my mother would catch me underneath the bunkbeds looking at nude topless models(woman). I recall it to some degree.. But I remember not qite knowing what I was doing. I remember rubbing on the floor, feeling pleasure. After a few minutes, the pleasure was over, I never could understand what I was doing until I was older and mastrubation was spoken of widely. I never produced any semen at that age.. Not to my recollection anyway.

Well.. I carried on masturbating by this method until I was about 14. Yes.. Very unorthadox..But it was what I was used to.
Once I began talking to all the other boys about masturbation.. They would always refer to the hand gesture. This then I realised I better conform. So I began trying to masturbate the common way.
Now, at this point, I never knew I had a problem.
I had a girlfriend.. And as I had never had a sexual encounter, I didnt know or even consider I would be impotent, I always thought it would spring into action when in the situation.

But, my first experience was at a party, in a garage.(romantic lol).. Anyway.. She began fiddling with my flaccid penis. She did so whilst we kissed for about 2 minutes - but nothing happened.. My penis remained soft and almost as if there was no feeling in the penis whatsoever.. It definitely didnt turn me on.

I have always had a high libido..In my teens I would masturbate everyday, bar none.. Often enough it would be 5+ masturbations per day, and at its extreme, about 8+..
I even remember tkaing days off school just to masturbate, the urge was so great.

Well.. After that girl, I thought to myself, maybe I have a problem..
I had another girlfriend when I was 17...Was with her for 2 years. She soon got to know about my problem.. I did lose my virginity to her, but it was with viagra. And my penis was still far from reliable.. It would soften up alot and when inside the vagina, it would be soft upon exit.

She was supportive.. And I neglected the issue.. Feeling comfortable.. And lieing to her why I had the problem(i said it was to do with glandula fever I had-which was utter lies)...
Anyway.. We had sex..2 times in 2 years :oops:
viagra wouldnt even work sufficiently enough.

I am now 20.. Been over 2 years since I and her were together.. And have had no sexual relations imbetween, other than me performing on girls foreplay(took great tact to manage to perform on them without vice verser)..

I am now with a new girlfriend. I have had sex with her twice.. I have been with her 3 months, but because we have a long distance relationship, it gives me breathing space in that department.
I am permanently trying to fix the problem, but no solution seems to work.

When I had sex with her the 1st time, my penis kept softening when inside the vagina(note: I was using viagra 100mg also).. 2nd time, same happened.. Struggled to attain an erection and then once up, the erection was always ready to go down.
3rd time didnt count.. We began.. But then my penis went soft.. I couldnt hack it then.. I made out I had a head ache.. I couldnt bare the thought of continual trying.

Now.. I have always had trouble attaining an erection on my own(solo).
It doesnt matter who im with. I have taken cialis, viagra, trazodone.. Nothing is reliable. Or satisfactory. I have had a small amount of therapy(councilling). I am coming to the conclusion I may need surgey.

Im not prepared to live my lfie at such a disadvantage. Its extremely disabilitating.

Now, as I have had this problem ever since I began to masturbate the common way(i only then realised it because it would go up and hard, as oppose to rubbing on the floor, it was probably a hard semi)

anyone had the same?

I cannot let my new g/f find out about this. The feeling it gives you when people know.

People.. I have heard the whole "anxiety" stuff many times, and the its all in your head... Maybe that is now a contributing factor.. But I have always had this problem.. Even before sexual liasions.
I think it must be a physical problem, one of which they have failed to diagnose.

I havent got diabetes.. I have got normal testosterone levels.. A relatively normal libido.. Penis has been checked out and is average size and girth.

Whats wrong with me?

I often forget this problem by ignoring it..But it surfaces all the time.. And it gets me down.

Please give me some help. Anyone with a similair situation, please offer your advice and experiences and feelings here.

Thank you for reading this.