Should I Take the Plunge? Posted: 10-10-05 12:36pm
So i'm seeing this guy, i've been seeing
him for a little over 3 months now.
Things got pretty serious pretty fast.
We had both moved to a different state to
better our lives, met up shortly after I
moved down and hit it off immediately.
He had been here for about 3 months before
I got here. And in that time he had a
girlfriend of 2 months. So the other
night it phone indicates that he has a
text ( I know cause we coincidentally have
the same phone ). He doesn't check it
immediately, instead he waits about an
hour and then takes his phone into the
bathroom with him. When he comes out I
asked him if he always checks his messages
on the bowl. Knowing that I was very
curious, he explained the situation.
Apparently his ex of 2 months, has
randomly contacted him out of the blue (so
he says) and is threatening suicide and
sending him emails and text messages about
how depressed she is after he left her.
He showed me his phone but not the actual
messages, the most recent started with
"i'm home now if u...." he said that is
because she wants him to call her.
Now... He left her sighting "things
aren't working out" even though he really
left her after having met me. Two
things that he said that night are burned
in my memory: 1. "i don't pry into your
personal life like this" and 2. "i took
it in the bathroom because what if it was
a dirty sexual message, I don't know what
this girl is gonna do... And then you'd
flip out like you're doing now". My
respective responses were, 1. I don't
have anything to hide and i'm not acting
shady checking messages in the bathroom
and 2. Are you expecting dirty sexual
messages?? At one point I got really
mad and I insisted that he tell her to
**** off. He said I was being
inconsiderate and that he didn't want a
suicide on his conscience. Admittedly,
that was pretty inconsiderate of me to say
seeing as how I have experience a suicide
first hand and it is very serious and very
painful for all involved. So then she
should seek out professional help, having
her "first real boyfriend" (she told him,
we are 26...C'mon!) back is not going to
solve her mental health issues. On a
side note: he also confessed a few weeks
before this incident that he has cheated
in the past, but has given up his "old
ways" for me. Something that I cannot
get mad at, because I too have cheated in
the past and I believe that I would be
faithful to him for as long as we are
together. He says he told him this
because he wanted me to realize how much I
meant to him, but it just made me
nauseous, nervous and a little insecure.
My problem is, do I take the risk?
Besides this one text message incident, he
has been the most perfect companion any
girl could ask for. He is a gentleman,
smart, funny, affectionate,
respectful..... Everything you could ask
for in a guy, he has. I don't want to
be a psycho girlfriend, i'm scared to
bring up the text message thing again
because it will make me look psycho, I
will not snoop through his private
things.... So do I just put it behind me
and move forward? Does he really not
see through her pathetic attempt to trick
him back into her life? It's hard
because i've been the girl that a guy has
cheated with on his girlfriend of many
years, i'm not proud of that, I was a
little blinded by infatuation. But it
made me realize just how easy it is to get
a guy to stray. And I didn't even have
to pull the depression card. I would
never use that. Why do girls put on an
act like that? And why do guys fall for
it so easily? Lots of questions...
Think about it, discuss...Relay some
advice back to me. Thanks!
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Kittykatus
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 12 Oct 2005 Posts: 89 Location: United Kingdom
Posted: 10-16-05 16:37pm
At the end of the day...Who is number one?
You dear; it's you. You and him is
now... Him and her were in the past.
She can't do this. Tell him you are the
important person now.
Her suddenly proclaiming suicidal attempts
is sad...Perhaps you should ask her to see
someone proffessional....
I don't want to be cruel...But if you two
are really serious then something like
this should not get in the way.
But relationaships won't be fairy
tale-esque....Good luck hunny
Last edited by Kittykatus on 10-17-05 06:56am; edited 1 time in total
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Sarah1978
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 15 Sep 2005 Posts: 123 Location: NZ
Posted: 10-16-05 20:53pm
When me and my husband first got together,
his ex started playing the depression card
( they had split up 2 months previous) she
would ring him in the middle of the night
and say that she was going to kill her
self (as far as I was concered, I would
have gone and brought the rope for her. I
had a family member commit suicide the
year before so this was really hard for
me) I tried to tell him what she was
doing but he wouldn't listen to me,
according to him I was being jelous and
insecure and should have been more
supportive. So I ignored them both I
could't handle it, her crying , him going
running it was driving me nuts. Sure
enough he eventually realised what she was
doing, and told her where to go.
There was no way I could get through to
him though, I just had to back off and let
him sort it out for himself, only then
could we make a proper go of it.
This obviously doesn't apply to all
situations but that was just my experience
with bitter ex's.
You both are right on. It's just
frustrating and sad that someone would
resort to threats of suicide to get
someone back and it's amazing to me how
easily men fall for this act. My bf said
the same thing to me, that I wasn't being
very supportive or considerate. And I
agree, if she wanted help, I would have
been obliged. But that's not right.
Lol. I'm going straight to hell. But I
can laugh at it because she is full of
sh*t and it's all an act. I did have
someone close to me kill himself, so it
angers me off when people use that to
manipulate and get what they want.
Anyway, the topic came up again cause we
ended up going to a place they used to
frequent together. He claims he emailed
her and told her that he was seeing
someone else and that it wouldn't be
appropriate to maintain any further
contact. (although I must say it took
him about 3 minutes when I asked him about
it, to remember what he put in the email
which to me means he was talking it out in
his head first but hey, guess i'm just
that smart!) thanks for the replies
ladies. Keep it real! :)
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Kittykatus
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 12 Oct 2005 Posts: 89 Location: United Kingdom