So i'm seeing this guy, i've been seeing him for a little over 3 months now. Things got pretty serious pretty fast. We had both moved to a different state to better our lives, met up shortly after I moved down and hit it off immediately. He had been here for about 3 months before I got here. And in that time he had a girlfriend of 2 months. So the other night it phone indicates that he has a text ( I know cause we coincidentally have the same phone ). He doesn't check it immediately, instead he waits about an hour and then takes his phone into the bathroom with him. When he comes out I asked him if he always checks his messages on the bowl. Knowing that I was very curious, he explained the situation. Apparently his ex of 2 months, has randomly contacted him out of the blue (so he says) and is threatening suicide and sending him emails and text messages about how depressed she is after he left her. He showed me his phone but not the actual messages, the most recent started with "i'm home now if u...." he said that is because she wants him to call her. Now... He left her sighting "things aren't working out" even though he really left her after having met me. Two things that he said that night are burned in my memory: 1. "i don't pry into your personal life like this" and 2. "i took it in the bathroom because what if it was a dirty sexual message, I don't know what this girl is gonna do... And then you'd flip out like you're doing now". My respective responses were, 1. I don't have anything to hide and i'm not acting shady checking messages in the bathroom and 2. Are you expecting dirty sexual messages?? At one point I got really mad and I insisted that he tell her to **** off. He said I was being inconsiderate and that he didn't want a suicide on his conscience. Admittedly, that was pretty inconsiderate of me to say seeing as how I have experience a suicide first hand and it is very serious and very painful for all involved. So then she should seek out professional help, having her "first real boyfriend" (she told him, we are 26...C'mon!) back is not going to solve her mental health issues. On a side note: he also confessed a few weeks before this incident that he has cheated in the past, but has given up his "old ways" for me. Something that I cannot get mad at, because I too have cheated in the past and I believe that I would be faithful to him for as long as we are together. He says he told him this because he wanted me to realize how much I meant to him, but it just made me nauseous, nervous and a little insecure. My problem is, do I take the risk? Besides this one text message incident, he has been the most perfect companion any girl could ask for. He is a gentleman, smart, funny, affectionate, respectful..... Everything you could ask for in a guy, he has. I don't want to be a psycho girlfriend, i'm scared to bring up the text message thing again because it will make me look psycho, I will not snoop through his private things.... So do I just put it behind me and move forward? Does he really not see through her pathetic attempt to trick him back into her life? It's hard because i've been the girl that a guy has cheated with on his girlfriend of many years, i'm not proud of that, I was a little blinded by infatuation. But it made me realize just how easy it is to get a guy to stray. And I didn't even have to pull the depression card. I would never use that. Why do girls put on an act like that? And why do guys fall for it so easily? Lots of questions... Think about it, discuss...Relay some advice back to me. Thanks!
At the end of the day...Who is number one? You dear; it's you. You and him is now... Him and her were in the past. She can't do this. Tell him you are the important person now.
Her suddenly proclaiming suicidal attempts is sad...Perhaps you should ask her to see someone proffessional....
I don't want to be cruel...But if you two are really serious then something like this should not get in the way.
But relationaships won't be fairy tale-esque....Good luck hunny
When me and my husband first got together, his ex started playing the depression card ( they had split up 2 months previous) she would ring him in the middle of the night and say that she was going to kill her self (as far as I was concered, I would have gone and brought the rope for her. I had a family member commit suicide the year before so this was really hard for me) I tried to tell him what she was doing but he wouldn't listen to me, according to him I was being jelous and insecure and should have been more supportive. So I ignored them both I could't handle it, her crying , him going running it was driving me nuts. Sure enough he eventually realised what she was doing, and told her where to go.
There was no way I could get through to him though, I just had to back off and let him sort it out for himself, only then could we make a proper go of it.
This obviously doesn't apply to all situations but that was just my experience with bitter ex's.
You both are right on. It's just frustrating and sad that someone would resort to threats of suicide to get someone back and it's amazing to me how easily men fall for this act. My bf said the same thing to me, that I wasn't being very supportive or considerate. And I agree, if she wanted help, I would have been obliged. But that's not right. Lol. I'm going straight to hell. But I can laugh at it because she is full of sh*t and it's all an act. I did have someone close to me kill himself, so it angers me off when people use that to manipulate and get what they want. Anyway, the topic came up again cause we ended up going to a place they used to frequent together. He claims he emailed her and told her that he was seeing someone else and that it wouldn't be appropriate to maintain any further contact. (although I must say it took him about 3 minutes when I asked him about it, to remember what he put in the email which to me means he was talking it out in his head first but hey, guess i'm just that smart!) thanks for the replies ladies. Keep it real! :)