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So You Want to Be a Cutter?

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I got this at safe haven(http://gabrielle.Self-injury.Net/ind ex.Php?Showtopic=64361).

If you want to start cutting yourself, please read this first. If I had, before I started, I wouldn't be stuck with this problem. I would not have started. And you don't want to start, even if you "know i'll just do it once" or "i'll be able to stop easily".

So here it is(remember, I didn't write this):

i’m happily going about my business, talking to my friends and planning a trip to the pne. It’s been a rare good day – my prozac’s working and I got a good sleep the night before, which helped. Out of nowhere, somebody instant messages me. They’d found my screen name on a self-injury site, and wanted to know where the best places to cut were. Where to get razorblades. How to deal with the pain.

My answer? If you don’t already know, don’t look for the information. Keep safe in your ignorance, this time, and get your ass to a counselor before you cut.

Oh, but self injury isn’t that bad – you’ve got real pain then, it’s just a ‘defense mechanism’ after all, people will worry about you. You’ll get cred, love, attention, worry… it’s the perfect antidote to depression, after all. All the cool kids are doing it.

Alright. I’ll tell you all you need to know about self-injury, then.

First, go and throw out your favorite clothes – you won’t be wearing them. Might as well get all that over with first, so you can make room for all your new things. Get rid of that skirt you got last month, all your pretty tank-tops, every single t-shirt and pair of shorts you own. Burn your swimsuit. Make sure you have lots of long skirts, jeans, and sweaters. Keep all of your socks – they’ll be useful for stopping bleeding later on. It’s summer? Too damn bad. You say you won’t cut where it’s visible during the summer? That’s fine, except when people ask about your scars – and they will. Remember that scar-treatment kits only work on about 40% of scars, and even then they don’t work perfectly. Are you dark-skinned? Get ready to keloid as well. Nothing works to fade keloids, they itch, they spread, and the slightest touch makes them ache years later. Even if you’re light-skinned, get ready for a few of those.

Now, find a knife. Or a razorblade. Or a safety pin. Or a match. Or an elastic band. Or a stapler. Hell, find them all, because no matter what you start out with you’ll end up using anything in a pinch. Get ready for when si becomes the all-important factor of your life – make sure you’re able to plan your day around when you might need to si. Make sure you always have something sharp, or at least painful, with you. Learn how to bang your arms on things quietly, and what leaves bruises. (this is for when you’re trying to quit and manage to convince yourself that bruising is better than cutting.)

make a first aid kit, and hide it well. Still, no matter how prepared you are, there will always be a cut, or two, or three, or four, that are too deep. Butterfly bandages won’t work, you can see fat, the gauze is soaked through again and again. That’s fine. Don’t even think about calling the doctor – even getting confidential medical help is a no-no. Speaking of that, you’ll stop going to the doctor altogether. After all, what if they see your cuts or your scars? Even when you get an infection, you’ll learn how to ride it out. You have to, after all, right? Asking for help is never okay. Ever. And you’ll never forget that, not as long as you self injure: even talking to other cutters is shameful.

Harden your skin. Harden your soul. You’re going to get some nasty remarks when you get found out (and you will). Get ready for gossip, for people not looking you in the eye. Get ready for people to assume that you’re suicidal, to assume that you’re goth, that you’re looking for attention, that you’re weak, that there’s nothing wrong with you, that you’re doing it to hurt them, that you’re schizophrenic… get ready for every insult you can possibly imagine, and then some. Get ready for it to hurt even when people care. How do you feel when people ask you how you are? Loved? Forget about it – from now on you’ll feel guilty, terrified of letting on how you actually feel. Somebody tries to be helpful and says something like “it’s really not that bad” or “well, the cuts aren’t that bad” or “you’re stronger than this”? Smile. Just smile. Don’t be even greedier than you already are. Get ready to lie every day.

I suppose you can start, now.

Still, I suppose there’s a few things you ought to be aware of. For one, once you get started, everything is going to start triggering you. You’ll be cruising through an otherwise perfectly happy day when something trivial, like going to the washroom and seeing your shaving cream, will set you off. Cutting will become the solution to every problem – bad hair day? Cut. You smile at someone who doesn’t smile back? Cut. You do poorly on a test? Get sick? Can’t sleep? Bored? See a razor commercial? Cut, cut, cut, cut, cut. And on that note, get ready for small cuts to stop ‘working’. Just like any addiction – and this is an addiction – you’re going to have to start doing more of it to get the exact same effect. That’s fine. Sometimes you’ll snap out of it and realize that you can’t even count the number of cuts on your body, and you’ll be more afraid than you ever have in your life, but that’s okay. You need to cut, after all. That’s the most important thing.

You’re going to get more depressed. Recognize that now, because later you’ll be denying it. There’s nothing wrong with you! Some people smoke and that’s okay, after all. They’re all just defense mechanisms. You’re doing just fine, you don’t need help. When you finally admit that you do – well, tough luck. Most people relapse over and over again. One report put the success rate at quitting at 40%, with both medication and therapy. Be prepared to attempt suicide a few times.

Alright. You’re set. Kind of. Because nothing can ever really describe the numbing desolation you get when you’re cutting, or how shameful you feel later. How you try to forget you even have a body.

Get ready to hate yourself.

Welcome to the club! Isn’t it fun? You’re right, all the cool kids are doing it.
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First Helper Atropos
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Users who thank Atropos for this post: afializ  GardianAngel 

replied November 11th, 2005
Experienced User
Thanks for sharing this info that you found - describes self harm exactly how it is.
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replied January 22nd, 2006
That info was really true and blunt.I started cutting 2 1/2 years ago and some people found out and with every hateful thing and gossip that goes on you have to learn how to be numb almost 24/7 on the inside and out. You have to learn to just try to ignore it because it seems like it never quits.I know the gossip for me has gotten so bad sometimes I want the knife to "slip" and go too deep right in a main vain so i'll bleed to death and die.It hurts but everything has a concequence.I still wear things with out sleves but usually I just cover my arms up with those sleve things that slip on or just act like they are nothing and some people don't ask about it and in the summer I lay in ways they don't really show.Its hard to keep stuff like that to yourself and I have never gone to a doctor or something for infection.I just have a friend who is a senior and is a cutter and she tells me how to deal with the infections and stuff.

-danielle
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replied May 31st, 2009
Experienced User
how true...
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replied June 19th, 2009
Supporter
I read this post and though the post is old the story is not..

The Cutters Club is just as dangerous as the druggies..You aren't sharing a newedle but have you ever shared a blade? You tell each other things you have done that works to stop the flow but you're still feeding on the pain.. The only answer then has to be to get to the root of the pain and deal with that..No lies, no more madness but real talk and work towards stopping..I have learned that cutting can come in storms-that is scarey..I think of a storm as a powerful entity that moves without reason or ryme..Please be careful-seek help and go one day at a time..kd
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replied May 30th, 2011
this explains cutting to a tee.if you feel like doing it go tell someone. once you start it is so hard to stop. i did it once and thought i would never do it again but it has taken over my life.:/
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replied October 26th, 2011
I love this post, and u know y? Because i love how it is exactly how it is and she was straight to the point. Im a cutter and if i'd read this two yrs ago i'd be fine.
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replied February 10th, 2013
wow. this is perfect. like, literally-- perfect
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