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He Smokes Crack: Stay Or Leave? (Page 1)

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What to do?
Love Him
Leave Him
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Total Votes : 1
Hi everyone :) i'm 20 years old, and i've never done drugs myself (i don't even smoke or drink) but I need help with my boyfriend. He got out of prison april 29,2005 for trafficking cocaine (he did 19 months) and I met him in may. I fell in love and moved in with him in june, which was about the time he starting smoking crack.

Last night we were having a romantic evening (i made him dinner and even gave him a massage) until he decided that he needed some crack and since he didn't have any money he decided to sell our big screen tv to the crack man. He brought me back the crack man's 13" (very old) tv and said I shouldn't be mad cuz I never watch tv (i do but he doesn't know b/c he's gone so much). Then he ran himself a bath and passed out in the bathtub - he said this morning that while he was out he snorted a line of cocaine with morphine in it.

He makes $15/hour at a fire sprinkler company and brings home $480 every thursday, but by saturday he's borrowing money to take me to mcdonalds!

My dilemma is that I love him and he says he loves me and he's never felt this way about anyone before,and last night he went so far to say we were "unlegally married", but I don't know if I can stay with him. When he's not smoking crack (sunday-wednesday) we have a great time together. At times he even says he wants to quit but he needs something more potent than lithium to handle his bipolar disorder....Then he turns around and says that what he does with his money is his business...Part of me wants to walk away from the whole situation but I feel sorry for him...I guess i've fallen into the "if I love him enough he'll stop" trap. :rolleyes:
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First Helper kfriend
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replied October 10th, 2005
If you love him, and you think you two have a bright future together(granted he stays drug free) then I would suggest talking to him about his addiction and that it is serious. Tell him that you care about him, and if he cared about you he would consider getting treatment for his addiction. It sounds like he is way past quitting on his own; this means he’s going to need to spend some time in rehab. The best thing you can do for him is make him realize he has a very serious problem and that he is jeopardizing you relationship, and his life, every single time he smokes crack or snorts some coke.

I know how serious this type of addiction can be, and I know once it reaches the point that it has with your boyfriend, it is time to either walk away from him and let him ruin his life, and not yours, or try to help him. He won’t be able to get help until he wants to. You need to make him realize that he needs help. See a doctor about his bi-polar, and at the same time get some referrals for some drug rehab clinics.

Get him treatment, asap; if you love him, you will fight for his health, if he loves you more than the drugs, then he will fight for his relationship.
If you want to email me, then please feel free.

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replied January 1st, 2006
Crack
Please please please leave him. I just went through four years of hell because I thought he'd love me more than drugs when I met my boyfriend he had done a prison sentence, came out was reformed wanted a life, wanted a family, wanted so many things. We had a great relationship. He called me his angel and that I saved him adn I was the only person who cared about him and I fell in love wiht his daughter as well as him. I stayed for 2 years after he started smoking crack, the first for him, the second for his daughter. It will not get better. He will take everything from you. After a while they will have no remorse for what they are doing to u, it will not matter to them. I lost my job, my house, my family, everything because I stayed to get him better. You will not be able to change him. You can't change him he'd need to do it fr himself. The life you are living will only get worse. Get out now. Give him a wake up call, pack your !**@! and leave. If he doesnt wake up he's not worth it. He needs some sort of wake up call to know this will not be tolerated. Do not waste your life. You are young you can find someoen. I know finding someone else isn't what you want but u will and u will be happier. I know u feel bad but trust me u could stand to lose everything. Care more about yourself than him.
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replied January 1st, 2006
Active User, very eHealthy
+1 to the post above!

Crack will lead to meth and then you are really in for a real treat. You need to get out and go far away from this guy. You are not going to have a good life, for god's sake, he stole your family big screen to go get dope.

You don't consider it stealing..... Well it just affected your ablity to watch a decent television. If you buy a new on, the crack man will have it again.

My uncle frank was murdered by a 15 year old crack dealer and now that little punk is serving 30 years to life with parole at the 30 year mark.

You are not going to like living if this guy is bad enough to take household stuff. Don't listen to anyone that tells you to stay and help him. They are probably scamming their partner into staying too.

Get out, get out, get, out!!!!!
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replied January 8th, 2006
You are young and you still have a chance. The choices and decisions you make now will affect the way you live the rest of your life. You have options and if you decide to stay with this guy, you are choosing the hard and impossible path for yourself.

Leave him, leave him, leave him.

You may love him but if you love yourself you will get out now. I promise that you won't change him, doing 19 months in prison didn't change him and I guarantee you won't either. You could be the greatest person in the world but an addict will chose drugs over life itself. I've always believed that you are who you hang around -and if you aren't, you will eventually be. If you choose to hang around people with your similar morals, and values and it will get you alot farther in life and probably leave you with alot less headaches. I'm not saying he's bad for being an addict but i'm saying you don't need to be a victim of his drug abuse.


He told you that what he does with his money is his descision, well didn't it affect you when the big screen went so that he could get his fix. I can tell by that statement that he is a very manipulative person. He can deny being an addict and you may not think he is but honestly, does a person trading their big screen tv for crack sound like behavior of a non drug addict? Crack is highly addictive and I can promise you that his use will not get less frequent, it will only continue to grow out of hand.

What is troubling is that he already did time for trafficing cocaine but he would still risk doing it or getting caught. Trust me, if you stay with him, he will take you right down with him.

If I were your sister I would tell you and do everything in my power to make you get out now. You could be making a crucial life decision here and I would hate to see you get thrown into that lifestyle. Plus, if he needs something better than lithium, maybe he needs to leave that up to the professionals to prescribe for him (and be honest and tell the doc about his crack and opiate use). Alot of addicts that are diagnosed bipolar are actually misdiagnosed and have drug induced symptoms of bipolar disorder.

This is all just advice and of course i'm no dr and really have no business saying some of the things I did but you need to leave him. The only way I think it would be ok for you to be with him would be months from now if he got help and proved to you for a long period of time that he was changing his life. I seriously doubt that will happen though.

You are young and have so much potential, don't choose a hard life. Good luck, I hope everything works out for you.
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replied February 4th, 2006
Web Site
If you can take a look at msn's ask a recovering addict and they also have a site for loved ones famililes that are dealing with the issue. Unless he want to quit, you don't have a chance sorry I don't want to sound callous my husband is addicted too and it has been a nightmare.. :cry:
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replied February 13th, 2006
I would love to tell you that love can conquer all, but you need to look oyt for yourself first. My mother is a homeless crack addict and if I had stuck around any longer than I did I would probably be a bad situation too.
I think it would be wise to tell him you love him and you'll be there if he ever wants to clean up but that until then you can not permit this kind of behaviour. Sticking around gives him a crutch and tells him you're ok with it.
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replied March 12th, 2006
Experienced User
I havent read any of the replies, but one of my close friends is addicted to crack, and I seriously think she is going to die. It is so sad what she is doing to herself. She doesnt want her friends, she doesnt want her two beautiful daughters, she just wants to sit in her room and smoke crack. Its horrible, horrible. If I were you I would take time apart until he quits it. Maybe that will be some motivation, but then again-doubt it. Crack addicts dont care about anything or anyone. Sorry if I am judging, but I am really worried about my friend and I wouldnt want it to happen to anyone
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User Profile
replied March 12th, 2006
Extremely eHealthy
If this is the type of life you want than stay but I do not reccommend it, do you want to end up with a crack baby? Leaave and do not look back is what I would suggest. It is your choice and you must do what makes you happy!
Good luck!
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replied March 13th, 2006
sandyallen wrote:
if this is the type of life you want than stay but I do not reccommend it, do you want to end up with a crack baby? Leaave and do not look back is what I would suggest. It is your choice and you must do what makes you happy!

Good luck!


you really don't have to worry about having a crack baby because you don't smoke crack, you can only have a crack baby if the mother is a crack head not the father. But I wouldn't stay with this father things can really only get worse unless he goes to rehab. So leave him until he decides to quit.
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replied May 6th, 2006
Leave His Ass
Hell never stop hes done for life, he will start usin other drugs
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replied May 23rd, 2006
Experienced User
Re: He Smokes Crack: Stay Or Leave?
kfriend wrote:
hi everyone :) i'm 20 years old, and i've never done drugs myself (i don't even smoke or drink) but I need help with my boyfriend. He got out of prison april 29,2005 for trafficking cocaine (he did 19 months) and I met him in may. I fell in love and moved in with him in june, which was about the time he starting smoking crack.

Last night we were having a romantic evening (i made him dinner and even gave him a massage) until he decided that he needed some crack and since he didn't have any money he decided to sell our big screen tv to the crack man. He brought me back the crack man's 13" (very old) tv and said I shouldn't be mad cuz I never watch tv (i do but he doesn't know b/c he's gone so much). Then he ran himself a bath and passed out in the bathtub - he said this morning that while he was out he snorted a line of cocaine with morphine in it.



He makes $15/hour at a fire sprinkler company and brings home $480 every thursday, but by saturday he's borrowing money to take me to mcdonalds!


My dilemma is that I love him and he says he loves me and he's never felt this way about anyone before,and last night he went so far to say we were "unlegally married", but I don't know if I can stay with him. When he's not smoking crack (sunday-wednesday) we have a great time together. At times he even says he wants to quit but he needs something more potent than lithium to handle his bipolar disorder....Then he turns around and says that what he does with his money is his business...Part of me wants to walk away from the whole situation but I feel sorry for him...I guess i've fallen into the "if I love him enough he'll stop" trap. :rolleyes:




sorry I would have to say leave him. First off usually someone starts crack they won't ever get off of it. They become addicted and if he sells his tv for it then yeah he is an addict.Second he is doing cocaine, and with drugs moodswings can happen at any moment. I have aunt that has done every drug there is. She says oh I have stopped doing drugs everyone and feel so much better. Then about two weeks later she is stealing things from people <loved ones> anything she can get her hands on to get money to go get crack. He may make alot of money, so what. There is someone out there better than him for you. Sorry you feel in love with someone like this because in reality he will never probably leave his addicitions alone.

Yes it is his money, but if he and you have started saying "marriage" to each other then that means it becomes apart of yours too. And you do have the right to question were this money is going. He is doing crack you say from sunday - wednesday he is hooked. And all he can do is take you out to mcdonalds sorry hun but this guy won't ever change. Another thing I know first hand from some friends, when they come down off cocaine they have moodswings and can snap at anytime. Be careful, you could say the wrong thing and he could snap and hurt you at any moment. Even become suicidal. This is serious, and I know it hurts because you do love him.

If I were you I which I am not, I would sit him down and try to talk to him and explain how much you really love him. But also that if he wants to be with you he needs to go to rehab and get his life back on track. Because if he has already been to prison once then if doesn't look like he has learned from his mistakes.

I have family members who have been addicted to drugs for years and there is nothing you can really do when they get to the point were they start selling the things they own for drugs.

You also said he isn't around very much. Well thats not a good sign either. I am just worried he may flip out on you and hurt you. You seem to be young and deserve much better. Does he ever get angry? Just suddenly get mad? Because if so thats not a good sign at all, and your life could be in serious danger.

You can send me a private message anytime. And I will reply. If you need someone to talk to I am here.

Good luck and I hope you can make the right choice for yourself. :)
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replied January 23rd, 2009
husband's crack addiction
I am 52, homeowner, lots of bills. I cannot replace the money he blows(a lot) to pay all the bills which are in my name, his credit sucks. I am at the point to leave my home because he said he's not leaving. I have a 15 year old daughter(not his). He's not PHYSICALLY abusive, all of his money is going to crack, my spirit is broken from this. I know my credit will take a huge hit if I walk away from my home, but we have no physical contact for 2 years, i cry so much, help!!!
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replied January 24th, 2009
LEAVE!! GET OUT..NO KIND OF LIFE
Life is to short! try getting help from family and friends you love and trust!
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User Profile
replied January 29th, 2009
Supporter
leave him!~
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replied January 29th, 2009
Community Volunteer
Welcome Stephanie to ehealth....Walk away and never look back...He does not want to change...He has found his home in a make believe world...You are a stranger to him, as he is to you....

You cannot put into words the harm that this drug has done to families...It is up to you to escape...Your door is open...His is closed...

This site is a great support system....Use it if you need comfort...

I wish you well..
Caroline
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replied February 8th, 2009
i had the same problem with my ex he asked me for lots of money telling me that he will give me back .........dont trust a crack user ever he told me so many times that he will quit just for me and we will be happy but i end up pregnant and verry quik after i lost the baby he didnt come to see me since i lost the baby but he called me 2 days after i lost the baby to send him some money
i dont think that they have any fellings anymore they are dead inside .....right now im traying to live my life as best as i can and to stay away from crack users they are no good
i know that its verry difficult because u think that u love him and he is treating u so nice but he is doing all that just because he wants money ....DO NOT TRUST HIM AT ALL BELIEVE ME I WAS THERE .


all the best
rox
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replied March 5th, 2009
my husband smokes crack
I am so glad I found this site to vent. My husband and I have been together for 12 years, married 2. Right before we got married, we were seperated for a short time. During that time, he began to smoke crack. He has lied and it has caused problems since I first found out. We have 2 girls together, ages 5 & 7. He has always done a great job hiding it (ive never knowingly seen him high) but our money keeps coming up missing and I keep finding crack pipes. He says it isnt him, but tonight when I said he needed to take a drug test to stay, he decided to leave. The drugs will always come first. He has done nothing but bring me down for the last 2 years and I am finally strong enough to be sick of it and get rid of him for my little girls. but I am scared that I am making the wrong choice. What if he is telling the truth? I know I am just being an enabler by letting him stay. It sounds so mean, but I just pray for him to hit rock bottom so that HE not me, will make the decision to get better. Please pray for me.
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replied March 13th, 2012
Fiance smokes crack
im engaged to a man that smokes crack and have a son with him which is now 1 year and 6 months. We've been together for about 4 years now and he's been on crack for 3 years. I've been through hell believe me i have. He uses 80% less than what he did.. thank god but still slips up. Let me tell you one thing, addicts never tell the truth, they will lie and lie and lie, they will lie to your face and they will lie to the bible. I have been put down to the ground, been called names and ive been hit... dont ask me why i stuck around because up untill today i dont know. The early hours of the morning when i had my son he sold our phones, cameras for drugs... as i was about to leave my water broke. i had to sit with a man that was high on crack while i was in labor. That wasnt the way i ever thought it would be. I believe that if an addict wants to stop he will get help. i can tell you now you've made the right choice by leaving him for your sake and your childrens... i wish i could have the courage to do that... its not a life anybody wants to live worring all the time. i wish you the best of luck girl
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replied March 13th, 2012
Fiance smokes crack
im engaged to a man that smokes crack and have a son with him which is now 1 year and 6 months. We've been together for about 4 years now and he's been on crack for 3 years. I've been through hell believe me i have. He uses 80% less than what he did.. thank god but still slips up. Let me tell you one thing, addicts never tell the truth, they will lie and lie and lie, they will lie to your face and they will lie to the bible. I have been put down to the ground, been called names and ive been hit... dont ask me why i stuck around because up untill today i dont know. The early hours of the morning when i had my son he sold our phones, cameras for drugs... as i was about to leave my water broke. i had to sit with a man that was high on crack while i was in labor. That wasnt the way i ever thought it would be. I believe that if an addict wants to stop he will get help. i can tell you now you've made the right choice by leaving him for your sake and your childrens... i wish i could have the courage to do that... its not a life anybody wants to live worring all the time. i wish you the best of luck girl
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replied March 19th, 2009
I agree with everyone when they tell you to leave him. It is so sad that you love him so much and he is putting you through hell and back...things will only get worse and this I promise. I know because I am in your situation right now. I have been with my hubby for 12 years we have two daughters together and everything has been great up until two years ago. I don't know how he managed but he got himself addicted to crack and now we have nothing. He makes roughly 10,000 a month and there is never anything to show for it, we always have the power cut off, lose phone/cable, rent is never paid nor do we have groceries and to make matters worse he steals the little money that I bring in. He pawns everything we own and that big screen story you told sounds so familiar, this past summer he showed up with a truck to get our big screen for crack..the night before it was the stereo, I picked up the phone and dialed 911 and he fled without the TV thankfully..The cops arrived but there was not anything they could do and he hid in the woods until they left, I still have the TV but for how long?? Im afraid to leave him alone here because I know I will come home and find everything gone...Oh, and despite the amount of money he makes, He owes everybody money and lots of it, I constantly have people pounding at the door asking me about the money he owes and most times it is news to me, he is such a manipulative conman...He could talk the devil into selling his soul and since he got this addiction he has become a pathological liar and klepto, he broke into my parents and stole thousands of dollars..this was right after my father had lent him 3 grand!! I swear he was never like this before his addiction..I keep leaving him but take him back when I think he is clean and the worst thing is that every time I try to leave him he refuses to leave and things get really ugly here..it is Thursday night..pay day, he gets 2400 a week so guess where he is right now?? thats right..smoking crack with the low lives while we sit here with no food in the house and bills unpaid, I already had 3 people harass me today for money he apparently owes them..This is my life, I am broken and I even stopped caring if you can believe that, Seriously honey, you don't want to be me because I swear to you if you stay you will also live my ugly life. I beg you to leave..Tell him he needs to go to drug rehab and if he can stay there full term, then the two of you might stand a chance, I doubt he can get himself cleaned on his own, I thought mine did, he was laid off and home for 7 months, never went anywhere without me..thought he was clean but started this job and look what happened..your guy will not get clean on his own, he needs help from professionals and that is not even guaranteed to free him from his and your hell. My heart breaks for you and everyone else here who's stories I have read. I just wish that there was a better solution for us all.
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replied April 17th, 2009
i was in the same situation
when i was 18 i hooked up with what i thought was prince charming turned out to be a cracked out toad... I moved in with him helped his roommate with her daughter while they went out on crack/meth binges... It will not get better and being around that sort of situation might entice you to try it as well i only smoked pot when i was with him but i was hooked on crack/ freebase cocaine when i left him. It took me almost dying to change my life im 4 months clean and attend various n/a meetings myself but the road to recovery is a hard one he will most likely have panic attacks and body sensations that will make him go crazy he might think he is loosing his mind. If he is Bi-polar it might be double or triple worse but honey living like this doesnt make you happy does it and you have been having a relationship with yourself for twenty years now you need to put you first if he is getting rid of the tv for drugs who is to say he wont leave you you for some crack *hore plus they sometime use sex for favors and you could get an std its just a bad situation and i pray to god you find the courage to go through the heartbreak and make it to the other side much happier.
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