Hi there! Think of your son each time you get this feeling or you might try talking to a professional about this problem as trust is a very big part of a marriage.

Good luck to you and yours! Keep us posted on how you are doing. Sometimes it just feels good just to write it down as this sometimes helps to get it out of your system.

I think that, unless you haven't already tried, sitting down with your boyfriend and explaining or showing him the post you made here about how you feel paranoid for some unapparent reason can help work things out. I don't know about your past life, as in if anyone had cheated on you or etc to make you feel this way before, so I won't tell you that you have an anxiety disorder because humans tend to develop certain feelings about things if it happens enough.

I do agree with seeing a doctor for therapy if you believe you have some sort of disorder. I wish I could help you more, but I don't want to delve into your private life :)

i hope I could be of some help!

My girlfriend has never been anything but honest with me. I know that. She is not the type of person to cheat. I know that. She is fantastic; understanding, caring, giving, straight, and such a pleasure to be around. I know all that too.
Tonight, she was going to stay with some relatives before doing some family thing tomorrow. Her relatives live out in the countryside and she said she would try and call me but might not be able to get through and she might be busy with her family until late. She said she would miss me but she would call as soon as she could. I know that she ws telling me the truth.

Then, as always happens, a voice in my head tells me that she isn't in the country with her family and that she is actually out with someone else. If you call her, she won't answer. The phone will ring because SHE can get a signal but she won't answer because she doesn't want you to know where she really is.

Let me stress this, as unbelievable and strange as it sounds, I KNOW that this voice is wrong. I know it as surely as I know my own name. I am actually telling myself that the voice is wrong and that it has always been wrong and has caused me nothing but trouble.

Despite all that, I call my girlfriend and, of course, she doesn't answer. I wait for 10 minutes and then call her again. Again she doesn't answer and all the time the voice is telling me, "See. What did I tell you." and I am shouting at it to go away and that it is wrong and that I KNOW it is wrong.

"If you call her from a pay phone, she'll answer thinking it's someone else." No, she won't and even if she does, so what.

So I go to the pay phone and call her. She answers and I hang up straight away. "See. What did I tell you."

But she might have just got back from somewhere or anything. So now the real me wants to call her on my mobile again to make sure but she doesn't answer again.

Now, the real me believes that she actually is with someone else. I go back to the pay phone and call her again as she doesn't know it was me who called on that number before and I want to find out what is going on. As soon as I say hello and "What the **** is going on?", she hangs up.

That is it then. For the first time ever the voice was right so now, when it tells me to send her an awful text message calling her all kinds of ugly things, I listen and agree whole heartedly. I send the message and instantly regret it. There could be a perfectly reasonable explanation and I have not given her a chance to explain. If there is then I have possibly ruined the first good relationship of my life (and it is good when the voice - that I thought had finally left me - isn't there).

So I go back to the pay phone one more time and call her again. I am very surprised when she answers. As she asks me what I want, I realise that it isn't her that I am speaking to. I ask to speak to her and am told that no one there knows who she is. I check the number with them and find out that I have been dialling it wrong.

I have now bombarded her with text messages and phone calls but there is still no answer. If she reads that first message then she will be deeply upset, not least because she has never given me any reason to doubt her.

That first time walking to the pay phone, I was literally screaming at myself not to do it. As I was typing the text message, again, I was screaming at myself not to send it.

How is it that I know full well that I am doing the wrong thing and yet simply can not stop myself? I mean that too. It's not that I suddenly believe what the voice is telling me. I KNOW that it is wrong and that I am doing wrong but I can not stop myself. I try to tell myself to wait, go for a walk, call a friend, anything but do what the voice wants me to but I just can NOT stop myself.

This only ever happens in relationships. Outside of them I am very sensible, clear headed and straight.

I may have killed this relationship. I will do everything I can to fix that but I am terrified that something like this will happen again because past experience (painful past experience) has shown me that I can not stop it from talking to me and I can not stop myself from doing what it say even though i KNOW that it is, and always has been, completely wrong.

Why am I like this?