Could someone please give me some advice about getting over a breakup.? I would really appreciate someone helping me out. Sorry if I write a novel....

I was with a girl for over 9 years (16-25). She was definitely my first love and she meant the world to me. We were real close and she was my friend.

Anyhow, i'll try and make a long story short.....In mid 02 her dad was diagnosed with cancer. She became very very moody (understandably) for the longest time. She was becoming very hateful toward me and I asked her many times to stop taking it out on me. I ended up teliling her in mid -03 I wanted a break and she was destroyed, like I was leaving forever. I wasnt and for the next two months we still talked, had sex etc and we finally "got back together" in nov 03.

Her dad died in late december 03 and I was there for her as much as possible. After that it seemed like she "bonded" to me

late '04 she began withdrawing from me. She definitely changed, and I dont know why I would be part of that change. Thats all she could really tell me is that "things have changed, I have changed". I did everything I could to keep us together until finally I did the only real thing I could do; let her go.....

I had lost my girl but I really did well dealing with the breakup. I know there is no shortage of women and she's not the only one. A few months later I went on my first date......Doing what I had to to move on. I am/was really a rational person. It never occured to me that 6 mos down the road I would start missing her to the point of it being way worse then the actual breakup.

In june I bought my first house and things just seemed to dive for me. I feel all alone and worse, I started to think about her again. This was totally out of the blue and i've got myself so depressed i'm starting to let my life fall apart. I feel like crap all the time, lost my energy, my place is trashed, my hygiene is going south etc etc.....

The thing i'm having the most trouble with is I cannot pull out of this! I know what I need to doo but I dont really dont know what I need to do. Does that make sense? It's really like I cant help myself and nothing I do makes me feel good. I'm even not going out in public. For 3 months now ive holed up and blown off my friends. Can anyone offer advice on how to pull out of this?

I know ppl will say help yourself, you gotta get out etc, but it's seriously like I cant. Its dehabilitating.