Hey girl I know you wanted a man's perspective but I am a woman but I just had to say something to your topic. It sounds to me like your man has gotten way past the point of porn just being a small past time. He's addicted to it and he needs professional help. What he is doin is sick and it nothing to do with you. My opinion is that if you treat him well then you should be treated the same way, anything less isn't good enough and it sounds like you could do better if he is not willing to get help. Why live with that jealousy all the time? Good luck with everything though and I hope the best works out for you.

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hope this helps!

You should totally not let him have sex with you or make him force you (mentally or physically) to give him blow jobs if he doesn't plan on pleasuring you too!

Your mouth is not a permanent receptacle for his penis!

Kindly check your private messages

Hi..

Your really an amazing wife. I have never seen in any of the forum that you would sacrifice your life so much just to pleasure him. As a teenager myself, you really amazed me. Frankly, I am a porn addict myself. I started since year 9 until now in uni. My porn craving getting worse this year... I download tonnes of pictures daily for hours (more than the time put into revising)... I feel very guilty and ashamed of myself. I always believe that after marriage, a guy will leave porn because he has a partner already. However, its not what I think of after reading your message. I really feel sorry for you and your message gave me a slap on my face to treat my partner better (if I have one!).

Sometimes a man might feel lonely when he felt despise by his partner. I advice that you get some things to do (eg. Ball dancing, no escorting please - sex gives pleasure for woman, but having sex with others do you want to carry the guilt?, exercise - to get your body in shape or psychological help - sorry.. No offence! But it does help although I never try it before. Sometimes, we have no answer in mind, but some one could help) rather than making sure than he have the pleasure all by his own. Last resort (this should not be last actually!), accepting in christ. Although, I do watch porn, I know that I am not a good christian and I am not a good example for it. However, he always does miracles... Believe me, he really do, but you have to be patient.

Ok anon. Lady, thank you for sharing your message. A word of advice, before taking my advice, please think twice except to the 'last resort' part... I wish you all the best for your relationship.

You are definitely an amazing wife, but you need to tell your husband that you have needs too, and that its bad enough he might fantasize about something else while hes with you but that looking at pictures of other women at the same time is going too far. Just tell him how you feel, and if he can't change then maybe he has a problem and needs professional help. If he really did care for you he would change or at least be willing to seek help if he did have a problem.

It seems like your husband no longer views sex as something special that you two share with eachother. He also seems to be extremely self-centered. You have told him how you feel, and he hasn't made great strides to change. I highly recommend couples counceling, because his porn kink has turned into a porn fetish. It has nothing to do with you; you are an amazing, patient, tolerant and loving woman and I commend you for not automatically resorting to divorce when trouble arises. After some good counceling i'm sure your husband will realize this. Good luck!

Cut him off!!!!!! No more sex untill the computer is gone for good!!!!!!

i'm not sure this is such a good idea...It may make him spiteful and in turn make things worse by creating more tension and distance between them. I wouldn't recommend it. Nothing personal against you, nursechick!! :o)

Ok so she should just sit back and be a good little girl and put up with this bs so that things are hunky dorey I dont think so he should feel some tension hes an ass to do this to her. And its not like hes gonna cheat he has to be in front of his computer to get off. Whats he gonna do bring another woman in the house with his wife there?????

no, I definitely don't think she should sit back and put up with it either; I agree with you that what he did was unacceptable behaviour. Like I said in my first post on this topic, the situation needs to be dealt with; I suggested couples counceling as one option. I agree with you in that she shouldn't be engaging in any sexual activity with him when porn is involved anymore, but I think that cutting him off entirely might make things worse, not because I think he would cheat, but because I think it would only drive them further apart by creating hostility and bitterness on his part, because, like you said, he's an ass! Lol :o) I suspect that it's not entirely his fault; fetishes are weird like that.

In any event, nursechick, I mostly agree with you. She definitely should cut him off from the "porno blowjobs", at least until they work out his issues in therepy and can come to a healthy comprimise. Until then, however, they should focus on trying to restore their sex life back to normal, by sharing in *mutual* pleasure and enjoying eachother...Just the 2 of them!

Nursechick, be careful on what you are saying, you may screw up pornedout relationship (for the years relationship). She a good girl and doesn't mean she has to take such a hush action. Further more you don’t even understand pornedout’s husband at all…!!!! “do you have a husband” if you have, pity for him.

“i strongly agree with danniefoley” should handle things carefully, we are talking about a few years relationship here.

Pornedout, I always believe that in couple’s life there are always things can be talk it out and set done. Perhaps your husband has got carried away. No one can help him except you.!! No once understands your husband like you do.
Go!! And bring him back in track, there’s nothing to worry about. Perhaps both of you should go for a holiday. He has been leaving his own world for too long.

Sometimes ppl get carried away may due to, being together for to long, understand each other to well, same old way of having sex, same old bed to have sex, same old pillow, etc.

In this case may you should try something different, such as change place for sex(perhaps in a hotel or in the car) different position or may be do something wild. Having sex in a swimming poll during your holiday ? Perhaps this way may spice up you and your husband sex life, by that time he may be find those stuff in the computer or web site are not interesting anymore for him.!!!

Wish you good luck.

Hello girl!!!

I think that your not the one with the biggest problem!!(well you have a huge problem but his is bigger)
your man doesnt seem to be really mentally with you anymore.I guess hes to warped and I think you need to sit down and talk with him bout this because this isnt any good for your mental health either.The things you do for him are so much you probably couldnt count em on both hands and feet and I think this should end! I see this happen so often where ladies just stand and watch as their men just are warped into certain things.
If you relationship really means much to you sweety you should tell him everything in his face about what you think and how you feel about this!!
I think your a very sweet lady to you man but there nothing you would get in return......If my guy would tell me to quickly get ontop and to hurry I swear I would start cussin at him!!! He wouldnt survive!

Anyways you think about it, is the depression worth living with??


Your sincearly,
wildkitty :wink:

I agree with all of you,this should stop..!!!!!!! But not by just saying - no more com for him - no more blowjob for - tell him on his face....

I strong agree that pornedout should stop this. But I think for pornedout should handle carefully. Like I said, have to talk to him that the right time, right mood and right place(perhaps a holidays)may be, because after pornedout have done this action.. Ppl like us(not in her picture) may not know what is pornedout outcome.

You ladies, should not give such a hush advice...What happen all this hush advice turn into a disaster and who is gonna be hurt(not you guys...!!), and you ladies gonna be responsible for her relationship and family..??!!!

Come on ladies support and we wish her all the best...Not trying to screw her relationship.

I believe I can bring a very unique perspective to this for you. I was a major porn addict for years. Like the teenager that posted earlier, I started at a very young age, actually younger than him, but I wont say how young. It wasn't until I was 25 that I was finally freed from what I considered, even then, a major curse. I got married at 21 years old so you do the math. Nothing seemed to pacify the urge to fantasize, to dominate other women in my mind, even though it was my wife I was with. To tell you the truth, I was just as bitter about the situation as it seems your husband is. I never wanted to discuss it, and was was hard pressed to not try and turn a conversation about it around on her and change the subject altogether making her feel like crap just to get her off my back. This was out of fear of facing the problem and accepting the shame of it. Even in the midst of my addiction, I knew I was hurting her, but the insatiable desire to...Use her, rather than love her physically, was much much greater than the desire to make her a happy spouse. Can he change? Yes, he can. But, he has to be willing to. I didn't change until I came to a point where watching just one woman wasn't enough. I got to the point where if it wasn't two, three or four women doing explicit things in front of a camera or video or whatever, I wasn't satisfied. Once it got to that point, I almost lost every shred of interest in my wife sexually. This was quite sad because my wife was, and still very much is an extremely attractive woman, (i judge this by my own eyes and the number of eyes and lewd comments other men make when we're out). I came to a point where I was so depressed. I knew she was sad and felt left behind and I felt like I had no control over the situation. I couldn't do anything for her, nor did it seem I could do enough for myself. A double whammy if you will. I decided at that point that either we had to part ways, or I had to change something, anything, about the way I had been for so long. It wasn't fair to her. I had the problem long before we met, and it only grew. I too, did the same thing that he did. I brought her into my world of pornography, but that was only out of a desire and hope to satify that self-serving behavior. After a while, as I said, it wasn't enough. I came close a few times to even considering having an adulterous relationship, and I very could have, as the opportunities were there. What it finally boiled down to, was, her or me. I'm afraid sweetie that unless he's willing to admit that the way he is, and the way he's been for so long, that he will never change. Unfortunately it will only worsen. My only advise is you try to talk to him, and don't let up, because he very likely will be afraid to discuss it and become extremely defensive and probably even mean about it. Keep it up until he hears you. You may want to try counseling, but I bet that unless he sees the seriousness of the situation, there's no way he'll agree to that. You have to let him know, constantly, every time he does it, or tries to do it, what it's doing to you, physically, and more importantly, emotionally. Let him know your marriage is on the rack because you don't feel married anymore, but more like a piece of meat. Tell him you know it's not his intention to make you feel that way, but the fact is that you do. Tell him you love him more than life itself, but you don't feel the same from him, even though you believe he still does. Ask him if he's embarrassed, or if he feels trapped by his compulsion, that he doesn't really want to be apart of it, but can't seem to break away from it. Does this mean he should stop porn? Yeah, but it has to be him that realizes what it's doing to him (which i'm sure he already has many times), what it's doing to you (again i'm sure he knows) and where it could potentially lead. Someone said that we shouldn't tell you what to do or not to do because the result may end up hurting your marriage...Well, my counter point to that is...What is your marriage like now? Are you not already hurting and hurting badly at that? Could you really live with this for another 20, 30, 40 or more years? Can you accept that this situation wont change and just deal with it? Not saying he would, but, if his drive became even more uncontrollable, and he wanted say, a threesome to even get aroused, could you handle that question? Or even his response when you say no? Could you live with the fact that he may one day have an adulterous relationship due to the crave he has? My point, really is that since you love your husband as much as you do, dog gone it girl, you gotta fight for him! He belongs to you. His mind, his heart, and his body belong to you, not that stupid computer or the images on it or the videos on the dvd/tv. Don't cheat yourself, and don't let the man you love so much do it either.

He is lucky to have a wife like you and any man would. Make him realize he is priveleged by not having sex with him at all for awhile. It will break him within a week, and hell be begging just to get anything he can. Tell him your going out with your friends at night and deprive him a little. Remeber, us guys dont know what we have until we lose it

Of course, another major, major drawback of porn addiction is that, over time, it definitely weakens your sexual enjoyment. You need to look at stronger and stronger material to get your fix! Unfortunately, with the internet, hardcore stuff of all tastes is readily available.

It is, imho, one of the factors behind the problems we have in the western world today - because the 1960's was the liberation age "if it feels good, do it!" - some people today believe they have a right to act out any sexual fantasy they choose - even if that means hurting or even killing the sexual partner!

Porn is the route to nowhere!!!

excellent advice, discreet!!