I am 21 years old, almost 22. I've always felt like I was abnormal because of my lack of interrest in sex, and really no sexual desire. My mom doesn't seem to understand, I tried to tell her about it about a year back, but she's a very sexual person and it really seemed to alarm her.
I'm no stranger to porn, it just doesn't turn me on in the very least, I even have a couple pics, and I go on searches ever once and a while, mainly because i'm and artist and I need certain poses sometimes, those don't turn me on either.
I've only tried masturbation to try to be normal, and I really don't think I orgasm, it feels good but there doesn't seem to be a real enjoyment behind it.
As i've mentioned before, i've always felt like this was an abnormalty, and i've always wanted to fit in in that area, it's very frustrating, almost to the point of tears.
I've never been any good with keeping guys, mostly because of this, but recently i've decided to give up on not giving it up. Last year I had a super fine boyfriend, who was really sweet, but despite all I never felt sexually attracted to him, but because I really wanted to lose my virginity I had sex with him and another guy when I was really drunk(it was a threesome, my bf was bi and I really didn't mind). It wasn't what I had hoped for, in fact it was more of a mess and not enjoyable in the least, I wasn't turned on despite the pretty bodies and manly parts all around me, plus, I had no experience at all, and we really couldn't do much, so not much happened(they were really too drunk to keep "it" in most of the time). I ended up leaving him because there was no modivation in the relationship and figured I stay single for a while.
***finally*** i've found my true love in life. I love him in every way and he loves me back just as much, and I think we're pretty much aware of where our relationship is headed.
Problem: same as before and same problem i've had all my life. No sexual desire at all. We do it a lot though, just about everyday, he's 18, about to turn 19, so I sorta figured that he's going to be horny all the time, and i'm not about to deny him. He's actually very mature for his age, much more mature then I am it seems. He's set on me orgasming every time, and unfortunately I usually have to fake it because I don't want to take forever and still never orgasm, it's horrible, and i'm so ashamed, i've only even come close maybe twice, we've probable done it 100 times. Seeing him naked doesn't turn me on, neither does his porn, preforming oral sex on him doesn't turn me on and neither does giving him hand jobs, and him doing anything in general to me doesn't seem to do much either. I've only once been turned on by him and that was watching him masturbate, I got all flushed and stuff and would have attacked him if I wasn't on my period :? My luck.
I'm set on making this relationship work, i'll do anything, and I don't feel like I need to orgasm all the time to be happy in our relationship. I'd just like to someday hope that I can feel like I really want it from him someday.
Am I doomed? Is there something I can do? Meds? I'm really desperate and curious as to what I can do about my problem, i've tried to find answers online but mostly find things on people who lose their desire for sex later in life. I've never really had one. Could it be my lack of experience? I'm actually very self contious, and most of my life I felt I was deformed down below.
I'm sorry if this is a long post but I was trying to provide as many details as I could. Please respond.