Medical Questions > Relationships > Broken Hearted Forum

I Hate Being a Widow

Short marriage, lots of commitment, and now nothing.............Back to me on my own, hate it
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First Helper TizCounselor
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replied October 19th, 2005
Experienced User
They must have been a real special person if you married them, and in that way it must have been a liberty to know them.
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replied November 22nd, 2005
Hi
Hi there!
My name is tracy. I can't relate to anyone in this forum but, the lord lead me to post a reply. I just remarried last year (after a divorce) and my biggest fear is to lose my children or husband. I especially obsess over the thought of losing my husband b/c he is the biggest part of my life. The one I feel keeps me going. So, I guess what I wanted to do is to let you know that even though I don't know how you feel, I hurt for you. I don't know who you are but, I will pray for your comfort and peace tonight! I have had a few friends and family that have lost their spouse I will reassure you that you are not alone! There are sooo many broken hearts right now b/c they lost the love of their lives. Rest assured that if your husband had a relationship with jesus christ, he is in his arms this very moment. Let's face it, we wouldn't want to bring him back from that if we had the ability would we? I just want you to know that the lord knows your pain and he hurts with you (even if no one else in the did). But, the fact remains that you are surrounded with people that have gone through and are going through what you have and it may be up to you to be their shoulder to cry on and empathetic ear to listen. As you reach out for someone right now, remember that the lord is by your side always and that someone may be reaching for you. :) with love and prayers for peace and comfort, tracy
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replied March 17th, 2010
I've been widowed for 3yrs now after 18 yrs of marraige. I'm in a new relationship but I can't settle. No matter how often he says he loves me and wants to be with me forever I can't accept that any relationship could ever be permanent, and I do everything I can to push him away. I don't think I will ever get through losing my husband even though we knew he was terminally ill for a long time. I have four grown up kids who look just like him. It is so hard as I have no one to turn to as I have no other family.
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replied March 17th, 2010
Community Volunteer
Give yourself time to heal...True love never will go away, but in time you will again be able to open your heart...I am older...We have been married over 51 years and I would be lost without him...I can't even bear thinking of it...But, you are young...You have a lot of life to live...You really aren't ready to hear the "love" word yet...Give yourself time...Work on the companionship issue and try and go from there....

Thinking back if my husband has passed on when I was younger, I don't know what I would have done...But, in my heart I know that he would have wanted me to be happy....Like you, I would never have been able to completely fill this void that you feel inside, but give it a chance...Don't force what you are not ready to accept, nor push away something that you may regret...Honey, take it slow...Grieve until you are again ready to open your heart....I send you all my love and best wishes for a happy life....

Caroline
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replied March 20th, 2010
Extremely eHealthy
Loneliness is a choice. The world is full of people who need to connect with someone else. All you need to do is put yourself in their path and not shy away from human contact. You don't have to pursue a romantic relationship if you're not prepared but it's not OK to torture yourself. If anything, losing your husband should teach you that life is too short to waste being unhappy. I know it can be challenging to let yourself trust again after you've lost someone you love but without the risk of pain we cannot know the joy love.
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replied October 11th, 2011
To Wolf: Obviously you don't know the difference between "choosing to be alone, and having it thrust upon you and you have no choice in the matter. When your spouse/partner leaves, dies, you now have nothing in common with the friends you had as a couple. Your life has changed dramatically. They no longer understand what you are going through, and your company has become "awkward". Eventually these long time good friends drift away. Now you have not only lost your special someone but you have also lost a way of life. This is especially devastaing if you are older, you don't know how to "begin again". Yes, there are a billion people out there, but such loss can paralyze you. You haven't had to meet new people alone for years. You don't know who to trust, and the fear of the unknown is crippling. Believe me, people who have lost a spouse/partner, DO NOT CHOOSE TO BE ALONE! Apparently you have not lost a spouse/partner, if you had, you never would have made such a statement!

Been there, done that.
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replied January 10th, 2012
Hate being a widow
Tiz councellor
You are right.Widow/ers donot choose to be alone.My husband died suddenly in sept and i was thrust into a whole new overwhelming world over night.This is somewhere i never chose to be and i hate being a widow in my forties.My life was all planned out with my husband and now my life feels all alone.I have great family and friends who are supportive but they dont understand the loss i feel of loosing half of me.I know of friends who are divorced who say, iknow how you feel, but how can they,they hate their husbands and want to be away from them.I didnt, i loved my husband and i most definitely didnot want to be away from him.Even going out now with friends, is see the empty chair where my husband should be,i will never get over that emptyness.
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replied January 10th, 2012
Hate being a widow
Tiz councellor
You are right.Widow/ers donot choose to be alone.My husband died suddenly in sept and i was thrust into a whole new overwhelming world over night.This is somewhere i never chose to be and i hate being a widow in my forties.My life was all planned out with my husband and now my life feels all alone.I have great family and friends who are supportive but they dont understand the loss i feel of loosing half of me.I know of friends who are divorced who say, iknow how you feel, but how can they,they hate their husbands and want to be away from them.I didnt, i loved my husband and i most definitely didnot want to be away from him.Even going out now with friends, is see the empty chair where my husband should be,i will never get over that emptyness.
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