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Q: Update

asked by: lostoyou on September 24th, 2005

Experienced User

Ok so I have finished my first week of school and I love it. Its been so great I have met some really nice people and we are all having such a laugh. The teachers are all so funny and really nice.
I went to see one of the teachers in the school because there are some teachers you can go it if you have an problems and I told her about me and she was so nice about it and told me to come and see whenever I wanted. That made things alot easier because although I am not going back to see her at least now I know that if I ever needed to she would be there. I told about what has happened with me over the past few years and she was laughing so much because some of the things are ridiculous. I really liked her so thats a good thing.
But now i'm home for the weekend and it seems like everything is going back to the way it was before, my parents are pissed off, my sister is annoying me and I have to go to therapy today which I don't want to do.
I don't want to recover, I don't want to get better, I don't need to go and talk to someone about a whole load of crap for an hour just because I have to. I'm always being told I have choices yet I don't think I have much of a choice when it comes to going to therapy.
And there is a girl in the new school who I knew before and she has an eating disorder but I was talking to her the other day and things are much worse then I thought, she hasn't just got an eating disorder, she has ocd, and other things as well, she really needs to talk to someone because people have started laughing at her and its not very fair because she is really nice and cares so much about people.
Anyway I think I just needed to talk to people for awhile so I came on here and am after waffling on alot. Sorry!

I hope your all well, take care!

Xxx

Replies(7)

fatfamily02

replied on September 24th, 2005

Extremely eHealthy

Wonderful!!!

Sometimes it helps when we are in trouble, (i/e eating disorder, depression, drug abuse) to find someone who also has problems and focus on helping them. It can really do a lot of help for us. Im glad your starting school was so pleasant for you --hope it continues to go well. And finding a teacher you can trust and talk to is a really good thing too. Im so happy your getting better.

With love
joanna

irishamethyst

replied on September 25th, 2005

Experienced User

Hi, glad that you managed to talk to one of the teachers, and that it was such a positive experience. I know what you mean about choices. Earlier on in my recovery, whenever anyone mentioned the word choices (be it in group, or whatever) it used to really piss me off. I think to accept that there is a choice, you have to be ready to take the responsibility of what having a choice entails.

Once I came to a place where I could accept that I had a choice, to b/p etc - it became increasingly harder to resort to behaviours, as I had come to a place where I realised that if I had a choice, it was also my responsibility as to what I could do about it.

There were times in the past, where I really dreaded (and hated) therapy, but that is no longer the case. My currently counsellor is a gem - my own angel sent down from heaven. I think that from the word go, we connected. He listens and accepts whatever I have to say, which is great - never felt that with my last therapist..

Anyhow, sorry for the long ramble.

lostoyou

replied on September 26th, 2005

Experienced User

No problem, thanks for replying. I went to see my therapist on saturday and it was so weird, I really think i've lost the plot. I was going everday and then within two weeks I cut it down to once a week now I have reduced even more to every 3 weeks, its really riduclous because I know I need more then I session a week but I think i'm trying to run because when i'm in school it doesn't fill like I have a problem because at lunch I am not the only one not eating and no one really questions it and its brilliant, so I figure everything is ok.
But now i'm a little pissed off because I have alot of work to do for school over the next few weeks and I have to do this thing for the conference( don't know if you have heard about it), its going to take me ages but I suppose its worth it, I went to a meeting on saturday and people were coming up with really great ideas so hopefully everything will come togehter in the end.
Anyway i'm at home today, i'm dying of a cold but it is getting better so its all good.
I hope your well, take care!

irishamethyst

replied on September 26th, 2005

Experienced User

Sorry to hear that you've got a cold.

Try not to put yourself under pressure to do anything. If you feel the work you're doing to the conference is too much for you, or overwhelming, let your therapist etc know. It's so easy to bite off more than you can chew. If you feel it's too much, and are honest about it, it doesn't make you any less of a person. I sincerely believe, that we need to be honest to those around us. What is the worst that can happen if you let your counsellor etc know that you feel it's too much for you right now?

I'm involved in the conference as well, but am not taking on more than I can handle. There are plenty of other people to help with carrying the load anyway.

lostoyou

replied on September 26th, 2005

Experienced User

Ah no its not too much its just with school and all its a bit hard to devote myself fully to it and I think they are freaking out a little so it would of been nice if I could have been there to help as much as I could but I guess what i'm doing will have to go and I am going to the conference to help out so that is something extra.
I was thinking of asking people on this forum if they wanted to write a page of their own personal experince or at least something like that but I don't know if thats ok or not, what do you think?
Anyway I go on so much about myself, i'm sorry, how are you doing? Have you thought any more about talking to your friend?

Take care!

waterbaby3214

replied on September 27th, 2005

New User

Hey lost sorry I never wrote back to your pm,i got a bit distracted.How are you ? Read your sisters poem on the recovery board.Jesus.I so know how she feels though.I always felt like that about my sister.And I don't think that she is as sheltered as you think becasue although I never really said it to her,i always knew what my sister was doing to herself and how close she was to death.Don't underestimate her powers of observation.How's sixth year ? Hope you are enjoying it.It'sreally hard but when you look back on it,you're life thank f*ck I never have to do anything like that again.And it goes really fast so that's good.I cannot believe you're only going to therapy once every three weeks.They must be freaking over that.You happy about going that little ? I'm starting college next week.I cannot wait until next year when you are there.We can meet for coffee !! Anyway i'd better go cos i'm knackered.Talk to ya real soon.Hope you're ok xxx

lostoyou

replied on September 27th, 2005

Experienced User

I was wondering where you had got to. Hehe I just looked at where you are from, is it nice there, have never been hehe.
No I know she knows alot but at the end she says she has her sister back and it couldn't be more untrue, she has lost me even more its just the masks I used to wear have been put back up and now I will not take them off and so everyone thinks I am fine and all is going well.
No they didn't really seem to care about me not going everyweek, they said I could go anytime I wanted to just give them a call but I don't think they were too pushed. I think they are realising that I really don't want to recover and that its best to just leave me be.
I know I can't wait for us to be in the same college, it will be so much fun, well my plan is to go to college but to be honest i'm really not sure if i'll be going next year but for now thats the plan.
How are you getting on? Are you still working?
Are you still going to marino every week? Hows that going for you?
I better go myself because I have to be up at 6 in the morning and I have to have a shower and stuff.

Talk to you soon and take care!

Xxx

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