I got married very young and besides my wife, I didn't have any real sexual partners. I had girlfriends, not many, but resorted to oral sex, not intercourse. After being married for a few years, it was very hard for me, because we did not have sex very often, and it became a problem. I didn't treat my wife very good, didn't have respect for her, argued a lot, made unilateral decisions and at times felt that our marriage might fall apart.

Then on a business trip overseas, I found myself in a position to rent a prostitute, very clean, high-end, that are frequently tested and use condoms. After the transaction, I felt the most depressed ever, I cried myself to sleep for many nights, didn't eat and had a hard time dealing with it. At that point, my outlook on life changed drastically, especially towards my wife. I realized just how important she is, I treat her with the utmost respect, we're best friends, we're actively involved in decision making, and I can't see being with anyone else; she is everything to me and we plan to have to children.

If I didn't have a prostitute, I don't know if our relationship would have lasted, and be as good as it is now. It sounds almost crazy, almost like i'm trying to justify my actions, but i'm not. It truely is a double edged sword.

I know married business associates and friends who frequently rent prostitutes to satisify their sexual desires. It is purely physical, and they think of it as a transaction, a payment for services rendered. They say it makes their married life better. I try to understand how they feel no remorse, like it is normal.

I grew up in a very stable and loving family with both parents, and although they argued a lot, looking back, I couldn't imagine either of them having sex outside their marriage. They seem like such a perfect example of morality and ethics. I value trust so much, but I also know that everyone has unrevealed skeletons in their closet that will likely die with them.

I do think that having a continued affair with the same person is morally worse then renting prostitutes, although I find it hard to justify my actions either way, and it really bothers me.

For anyone that says it's best to be absolutely true, and tell your spouse, in my opinion, is totally incorrect. The only person that it will make feel better is yourself, due to the fact that you have gotten it off your chest. To the trusting spouse, it is likely the worst news they could ever receive and would do untold emotional and psychological damage. The addage "what you don't know, won't hurt you", seems to ring true in this case.

I am in an internal battle with myself, on one hand I feel that have violated a trust, and it truely bothers me, because my wife is everything I could want, yet on the other I feel it was almost necessary and everything is much better because it happened.

As a man, I feel that this will happen again. Sometimes I feel masturbating to porn or imagining being with other women is just as bad as having sex outside the marriage (mental adultery). It seems we are genetically programmed to want to have sex with many women that we just see. Again, i'm not trying to justify my actions, and i'm not looking to get lectured, or get character assissinated. I'd just like hear opinions and comments from other people.