Is It Possible to Forget That You Have a Child In the World? Posted: 09-21-05 09:01am
This is a follow up to a previous message
I posted as I find myself in a position
now where the girl that I had been seeing
has left the country 2 months pregnant
with my child. Short of physically
preventing her there was no way I was
going to stop her from leaving and I now
find myself in a position where in 7
months time I will be a father and in all
liklihood will have no information on, or
access to, the child whatsoever.
I have recieved basic legal advice which
seems to suggest I have no reasonable
legal channels to pursue given the fact
that I am neither a national of her
country nor does it have strong diplomatic
ties with the us.
And so it is that I have come to resign
myself to the fact that I have no option
to deal with it beyond trying to forget.
What I would like to know is whether
anyone else faced something like this and
can you tell me whether or not the anguish
and distress dissipates with time or do
you find yourself with the constant ache
of loss forevermore?
I have to put it out of my mind before it
poisons my thoughts. It is a such a
distressing scenario.
|
askara
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 12 May 2005 Posts: 229 Location: South East England
Posted: 09-21-05 12:18pm
I remember your post from before and
really felt for you as you were at wits
end.
In all honesty I dont know, I know people
who had kids and gave them up for
adoption, they tried, but they never
forgot, but then its probally different
for the woman as you go though the bump
and birth thing.
You sound like a wonderful person,
incredibily articulate and inteligent with
a good head on your sholders but because
of that you seem to take things to a whole
diffrent level to others. Most me would
say f it. I dont care if I see my kid,
got nothing to do with me, while you...
You are diffrent, you did as much as you
could to the extent of getting legal
advice to see if you could find ways to be
more than a x on a birth certificate.
I tell you yhis now, I wish there were
more guys like you as you are a rarity.
Knowing what little I do about you I think
you may find it hard. When her due date
comes round you will probally think about
it, wonder what it looks like, how its
doing, how shes doing, then whrn birthdays
come around. Then when he/she hits 18 are
they going to turn up on your door asking
why you were never there, you cant win.
Best I can advise is to try to forget, she
has made her decision and there is nothing
more you can do, move on and know that
somewhere out there there is a woman
perfect for you and who you will have a
chance to have your family with and do
things the propper way.
Lastly.. For future referance... Use
protection!! ;)
good luck peanut.
|
RLC
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 20 Sep 2005 Posts: 22 Location: Indiana
Re: Is It Possible to Forget That You Have a Child In the Wo Posted: 09-21-05 13:00pm
parissearles
wrote:
this is a follow up to a
previous message I posted as I find myself
in a position now where the girl that I
had been seeing has left the country 2
months pregnant with my child. Short
of physically preventing her there was no
way I was going to stop her from leaving
and I now find myself in a position where
in 7 months time I will be a father and in
all liklihood will have no information on,
or access to, the child whatsoever.
I have recieved basic legal advice which
seems to suggest I have no reasonable
legal channels to pursue given the fact
that I am neither a national of her
country nor does it have strong diplomatic
ties with the us.
And so it is that I have come to resign
myself to the fact that I have no option
to deal with it beyond trying to forget.
What I would like to know is whether
anyone else faced something like this and
can you tell me whether or not the anguish
and distress dissipates with time or do
you find yourself with the constant ache
of loss forevermore?
I have to put it out of my mind before it
poisons my thoughts. It is a such a
distressing
scenario.
i don't think you should just forget. Nor
do I think that it will be possable for
you to forget. I think you should just
hang on to this: she is only two months
pregnant, her hormones are out of control,
it may not of completely sunk in that she
is really going to have a baby, and she
may change her mind. When she see's her
belly starting to get big and realizes
that she is going to be on her own and has
taken your child's possibility of having
its real daddy in it's life, she just
might come to her sinces. In the
meantime, (hope for the best, prepares for
the worst) get a notebook to use as a
journal, write your feelings down. Not
the hateful, bad feelings you may be
feeling about the babies mother, but the
feelings you feel for your unborn baby,
and later if the worst happens, the
feelings you feel and the thought you have
about your growing child. Keeping in mind
that if your child does turn 18 and come
looking for you, you'll have that to give
him or her. That way they will know that
you do care, no matter what "she" may say
about you through the years. That's just
my advice, hope it helps you. --raina--
