I've been in school now for four days and its been the way I thought it would be but hoped it wouldn't. The girls in my school are all so pretty and so thin and I feel like a fat !**@! amoung them.
I have forgotten how to study, I don't know what i'm meant to be doing. I suppose I should be going over notes and things but I just won't do it. All i've been thinking about is how it would be so much better if I were not here at all, that I would finally be free from life, free from hell.
There are teachers you can talk to in the school about things but I don't know if I would talk to them, I need to talk to someone because I can't go on like this or I will never get anywhere with regards to study.
I just want it all to end but I don't want to recover, I just want to die.
Its so dark and I don't know what to do, i'm stuck in a place from which I cannot escape and I haven't got my therapists to help me. Although I don't talk in session at least I know they are there and I can see them for at least an hour but I can't anymore and i'm losing it.
I don't know what to do, i'm so scared, I just want it all to end.
Do any of you think I could talk to the teachers in my school, would it be too weird asking them to listen to me or at least be there so that I don't feel like there is no hope.
Any advice would be appricated.
it's really uncanny, but your posts really do bring me back in time.
When I was in my leaving cert year, I tried to reach out to a few teachers. I remember opening up to a couple of teachers that year (though it was still a number of years before I really went for help with ed). It went quite well. I ended up spilling the beans to the headmistress that year - she was an angel - I had her for maths in first year, and she really had the ability to make people feel at ease.
I would encourage you to reach out to your teachers - it is perfectly ok to ask for help. I, like you, used to never talk in sessions - thankfully, in time that too did change.
Asking for help does not make you any less of a person. It is only human to need some support. Hope everything goes well for you, and let us know how it goes (but only if you wish).
I hope you ignore the previous persons comments. Some people are just very insensitive, and have no cop on. Well, you know how I feel when people post messages or send private messages such as arthur above.
Oh my god, I had to laugh at that comment, that person must really have problems if they are going around making little of others.
I think out of all of us, that person needs alot of help because saying things like that on this forum when people are really suffering says alot about who that person is and I have to say I pity them alot.
Anyway thanks for your reply irish, I am going to talk to her tomorrow but I don't know what way she will take it, some people do not understand what eating distress really is and only look at your weight so I am taking a chance but I think it will be ok.
I hope you enjoy group tonight!