Bipolar Disorder Forum - Urgent: Is My Boyfriend Bipolar?

If someone could provide me with some insight and advice, I would greatly appreciate it.

i believe that the guy I am dating and care deeply about exhibits definite signs of bipolar disorder, or some other problem.

about a month ago, I got a very unexpected call from an aquaintance/friend of a friend, whom I will refer to as "jim." jim and I hadn't seen each other since early this year, which was the first and only time we'd met. But our mutual friend kind of set us up again because we had a crush on each other back then. So, he asks me out, and I agree to go on a date with him.

well, so jim and I went out on our first date. He'd been waiting for me before I even got to the place.

the relationship took off faster than i'd imagined. He introduced me to most of his family, and started calling me "his girl." he complimented me perfectly; he said that he "liked very much" how down-to-earth I am; he constantly held me and told me "how pretty" I am; etc.

right away, though, jim wanted to sleep with me. It didn't feel right, considering we'd only really known each other for 10 or so hours before he started making those kinds of comments. I thought this would be risky behavior on both of our parts, considering I had no idea what kind of background he had; regarding health or commitment. Initially, I just thought perhaps he was just needing a "quick fix," if you know what I mean, and that's the only reason he wanted to be with me. I asked him about that, and he said that it didn't matter; he'd still be with me.

he'd broken up with a woman (who turned out to cheat on him) a month prior. I'd even wondered if I was a rebound.

as I understand it, the women he dates are very troublesome, so I was kind of a change of pace for him; i'm stable and I think things through.

jim lives out of town, and was just in and out of my city for that week only. Our first date lasted 11 or 12 hours. Our second lasted 13 hours; and when he left on business, he rang me up quite a lot.

he started opening up to me about his feelings of hurt where his family is concerned. I was there for support and encouragement.

one night, which was particularly memorable, we stayed on the phone for a whopping seven hours. I actually had to get off the phone and get some sleep before I collapsed on my floor from fatigue. He spent the entire time in his vehicle, too.

we talked about everything; and when I say everything, I mean everything. The subject of sleeping with one another came up at the very end, and he kind of got annoyed with me because, I mean, after all, i'd only been on a few dates with him. When I expressed this sentiment, he eventually calmed back down. Again, I was thinking that perhaps he was just a casanova with an overactive drive. However, that was the last time the subject came up, and he continued to call and see me without so much as a hint of this subject at all anymore.

anyway, so he told me about his losses; he'd lost his best friend. He also made small talk. He even asked me whether or not he should go get himself a beer. Then, he told me that he liked talking to me, and that I was a "comfort" to him.

on our third date, he came back to see me, and on some wild impulse, he asked me to leave with him. I said that I had some commitments to attend to first, and would he give me a while to analyze the entire situation. He said he wouldn't know how he'd feel about me in a year, since everything changes; but he literally bet me (in monetary form) a great deal of money that he'd "feel the same" about me.

over this period of time, I gradually noticed a mark difference in that adorably happy-go-lucky, completely caring guy I met weeks ago (he genuinely is a nice guy; just a bit impulsive). He'd sound fine one day; the next, he'd sound tired and depressed. He'd never raised his voice quite like he did over some little thing. He quickly called back and then apologized.

to summarize, he told me he shakes (which I can confirm, because his voice trembles); he's clammy; he has cold sweats and it's profuse; he doesn't get much sleep; he doesn't eat normal meals, and when he does eat, it's heaping portions (even though he's rail thin); he gets emotional; he's told me he cries; he fears dying; he's in a hurry to get things done; he has an abundance of energy; he's overconfident (although he is very, very talented); he feels down on himself oftentimes; he's suspicious; he wants to spend; he loves "the finer things"; he thinks one of his parents are dying; he's trying to recapture his youth; he's incredibly proud; he's easily distracted; he comes up with split-second ideas; he's abusing alcohol; he's jealous of my friendships with my male friends (including two mutual friends of ours and even the same friend who set us up!); he's constantly broke, although he has a good job; he alternates between happy and carefree, to sad, and then he's gotten angry; he feels inferior to other family members; he tries to figure his mental state out; he makes plans to see me and changes his mind; he acts sixteen; he acts silly sometimes; he forgets to call then apologizes when I call him; he's not staying in touch with some of his family and some of his friends; etc.

he's extremely intelligent. In fact, he's considered to be a genius. For this reason, I sometimes get the feeling that he felt like he never really had a childhood.

one night, he called me up, and I told him that I was having a little problem. I didn't want to discuss it, because he's got enough to deal with as is, but he got the details out of me. He told me that he was afraid (given that he claims i'm "secretive") that I was married or something. I was so shocked that he'd think such a thing.

i wear a ring on my right hand, and he thought it was an engagement ring. I was also telling someone about my friend who'd "gotten married," and he was like, "who got married?"

he's kind of paranoid about marriage. There's divorce in his family, and he's scared to follow that route. In fact, he told me he was worried I wanted him to marry me, and that left me speechless; i'd never said that at all.

he told me, "if you knew everything, you wouldn't want me." he thought i'd be better off with someone else, then apologized. He said that he wondered if I thought he was a "loser."

when I most recently saw him, jim said he "couldn't handle this anymore." later on, I told him I missed him, and he didn't respond. I looked up at him that night, too, and gave him my "sad eyes" and pout (which is just something I do in fun), and he told me (not the least bit gruff; very calm) "please don't to look at" him like that, but he didn't explain why not.

that same night, he wandered off and talked mostly to other people and not to me (which that mutual friend of ours -- the one who set us up -- noticed, and he felt sorry for me). Then, jim said that there would be other times for us to get together; and something i'd never seen before in anyone is that he just did not want me or anyone else for that matter touching him. He told me that he "just wasn't feeling it." I thought that all of those things indicated that we were through, so I asked him if things were okay with us. The last thing he said to me was, "we're cool"; gave me a sweet smile; and he kissed me. I left him and he had a smile on his face as I walked away.

what's funny is, he never drinks when i'm with him. He does drink when he's doing other things or when i'm not around.

i don't know what exactly is bothering him now, and it worries me.

he told me point blank that he's "going insane" and that he's suffering from "stress, anxiety, and depression."

so you see, I feel helpless in not being able to do something for him. I also feel like a rubber ball, not knowing if he does or does not care about me anymore. I know for a fact that I have never (not even when he yelled at me) raised my voice at him. I know he's sensitive, so I never want to upset him.

perhaps dating me was just an impulsive decision on his part, or maybe he doesn't know what he wants because he's got some things going on now. I go through feeling like he's ignoring me; then he'll call, after I call him, and things are fine.

he's an amazingly kind person, with outstanding qualities. I just wish I knew what to do. He does for a fact listen to me. He takes my advice and I even managed to calmly talk him out of an outburst over the phone.

i care about jim very deeply, and he told me that he "cares about" me, too. He said that i'm a "beautiful person, inside and out."

in the short period of time i've gotten to know him, i've figured out his problem areas very quickly. I'm the type of person who will stick by him no matter what, and give all I can give to ensure he's feeling as best as he can under the circumstances.

Our friend who set us up feels sorry for me; I don't think he knows what to think.

He's a very honest person; sometimes, too honest. :wink: so I wonder why he wouldn't tell me if he wanted this to end?

but i'm not sure if it's me who is the problem to him. I'm debating whether or not to sever ties and let him go completely, because I just can't tell what's going on. I'm scared because I don't want it to get so bad that he feels he can't come to me and does something terrible, nor do I want to lose him. I'd love to stick to him no matter what, if that's what he wants. I'm confused...; I don't know whether or not he wants to end things or what!

any input would be valued tremendously.