Joined: 14 Sep 2005 Posts: 2 Location: Waitakere City, New Zealand
Confused Re Trans Issues In Me...possible Androgyne Posted: 09-14-05 01:42am
Born a male and 15 wks premature in 1982
(hence my login name), have been sort of
depressed ever since I was around 4-5 yrs
old and have had stress ever since birth.
Around the time I was 6-7 yrs old I was
wondering why I couldn't wear girls
clothes, I pushed these thoughts to the
back of my mind, never really had any
inclination to try on girls clothes (maybe
wanted to but couldn't see it through all
the other things I was trying to deal with
(not dealing with it just pushing it
away!), everything felt like a
chore...Homework, eating etc. Just felt
like I wanted to relax 24/7.
Also, i've always found myself singing the
female parts in songs and wishing for
'equal rights' for women (nz was the first
country to give women the vote in 1893!).
In between all this i've tried making
friends (a mix of guys and girls) and have
succeeded in some ways. I see women and
feel attracted to them but at the same
time i'd like to wear their clothes and
'be' a woman as well...When I go past
clothing stores I see clothes i'd like to
wear (flowy skirts, pants, halter tops
etc.) and then see my body - the two don't
mix (not that i'm large or anything, just
my body is slightly masculine, i'd like it
slightly feminine).
I think what stops me is that i'd like a
relationship with a girl and I think about
what they'll think of me and on and on it
goes.
gender identity is completely separate
from sexual orientation, so it is
perfectly normal to have a sexual
preference for women, yet identify more
with being female, or vice versa. It is
similar for me, except I am bisexual,
although my preference is for women. I
exhibit similar behaviour to you, e.G.
Singing female parts, wishing to dress in
female clothes. I always had a split
male/female identity, yet I always
preferred the female, and often fantasised
(and still do) that I was a beautiful
girl/woman. My body language is naturally
feminine, although I normally restrain it
to be neutral - I dislike the general
essence of masculinity and find it
shameful to express, and that I was far
more built for feminine qualities, such as
caring, tenderness, thinking in an
emotional context, and helping with
others. While it is possible for a male
to do this also, you may, like me, still
identify much more with women. For
example, if I see a woman I find
attractive/charismatic, I will often
imitate her mannerisms (be they feminine
or not) but I will almost never do this
with a man. When I was young, I wanted to
have the look of somebody like celine dion
or mariah carey. However, I also have
masculine traits, which results in the
"split" personality. To me, it seems as
if you are similar - you are not quite a
"woman trapped in a man's body" but you
are somewhere in between that and simply
being curious about being a woman and
cross-dressing.
