Why Are People Getting Married So Young?? (Page 1)

Hi, i'm 19 and married. Have been for over a year now. My husband parents were married at 18 and 19 and my parents were married at 20 and 25. I got married because my i've been with my husband for over 3 years and have always known that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. I think a lot of the time it is a hell of a lot easier to get married when your young because then you have a chance to grow together and experience things as a couple. I know a lot of 26 year olds and up who get married and have a very hard time with it because they are so used to being independent and then they have to learn to compromise. All of my friends are happily married and under the age of 22. I think you cant judge a person just by their age. You don't know me or my maturity level. My husband is in the military and if you have any idea of how strong a relationship you have to have when your husband is in iraq for a year at a time then you wouldn't be saying we were babies and dididn'tnow what we were doing. I take offense to you saying that. My husband and I have gone through a lot more in our time together then most older couples. Don't generalize people, because you don't know each individual case. I have a great job, go to school, and have my own house. Also, trust me that I would be a much better mother then half the women out there, regardless of age.
Thanks.

Of course you feel the way you do because you have only been married for a year. I was one of you that married young (I was 20 & he was 19). We stayed married for 19 years and basically we grew up together. But the hard cold reality is that when people grow older they change. Their point of view changes, their wants and needs change, their likes and dislikes change and most importantly what they want in a life partner changes, you slowly but surely grow apart and then you wake up one day and realize the person you are with is not who you would choose for the person you are now. Case in point, look around you in your circle of family, friends and acquaintances. There are very few people who are with the same person they were with in their 20's. And it has been my experience that the couples that do stay together for 20 years and longer have endured very hard times (usually infidelity) and have chosen to stay together for reasons other than love and desire to be together (i.e. religion, family pressures, signed a marital contract etc.) There is a HUGE difference in loving someone and being IN LOVE with someone. But then you will figure all this out as you and your husband grow older. The old idea of staying married til death do us part is a fantasy that is next to impossible to achieve in todays world, ESPECIALLY if you start that journey when you are still very young and have a whole lot of growing and learning to do.

I agree there, it is not the age, it is the person, some are ready, some are not. It is o.K to get things off your chest!

Maybe it worries me because the success rate in my town is very low. 4 out 5 are either divorced or separated. All had been with their partners during high school etc and most had children.

Thanks for replying, gives me a better understanding! :-)

Maybe it worries me because the success rate in my town is very low. 4 out 5 are either divorced or separated. All had been with their partners during high school etc and most had children.

Thanks for replying, gives me a better understanding! :-)

No worries... I think it really depends on the person. Being a military wife I see divorce all the time. It's tough, but we both knew what to expect and our families are very supportive. We both had great examples of what a marriage should be by both of our parents (mine have been married for 27 years, his for 32)

i mean thats not to say we dont have problems and that its not hard sometimes. But I thinkt thats just marriage in general. We just dont give up. I think thats the problem with society today. The idea that when going into a marriage, there is always divorce as a way out. We both do not accept that. We know that no matter what argument we have, or what problem we face that we will always be there for one another. Divorce is not an option and communication is key.

Hope I helped.

I agree with vanessalouanne. I am 25 and have been married for a year and a half. But my husband and I started dating when I was 15. He was my first and only real boyfriend we have been through so many good and bad times. I guess what I am trying to say is that I don't think that it has anything to do with age. Our society today was raised with divorce and they have a picture of a big fancy wedding in there mind, but in the back of there heads they are thinking "well if it doesn't work out we can always get a divorce" they just jump into the moment and think about the future later. And I believe that it happens with all ages.

I had the same idea, that divorce was just not an option, when I got married at age of 19. But now look at me I am now 22 and already divorced. And I was a military wife. He left me for a year for the war and when he came back he just wanted to be single again. Thats !**@! if you ask me. I think he just wanted the easy way out, which he doesn't see it that way of course. He tried to tell me that this was very hard for him and that he wished he felt different.
I hated him for that.
But on the other hand I am glad we just went through with it bc I know now that there is a better man out there for me and now I can find him. I would not want to stay with a husband that is miserable and doesn't respect me. He would make my life a living hell too.
Wish I would have known then what I know now.

As far as getting married young and growing/changing together, what concerns me about that is, what if you feel inclined to grow in a different direction from your partner? Do you stifle that desire, and suck it up? When you're in a relationship during a period where you're supposed to change a lot, and you always check your opinions against your partner's, you run the risk of not gaining your own identity as a person, separate from your partner. And a marriage should be two independent people joining together, not two people who don't know who they are outside of their relationship. I think it's important to learn about yourself as an independent person during those young years, and it's just really hard to do that when you always have to worry about the marriage and what your partner will think of something. Not saying it's not possible, and it always depends on the person, but on the whole, people that young just aren't done growing yet. My grandma got married really, really young and started having babies right away (which was typical back then of course). She had 7 kids by her deadbeat husband and eventually divorced him. A few years ago she warned me against getting married too young, because you never really develop your own identity.

My boyfriend and I are trying really hard to make sure we develop our own identities (we're both 19, been together 3 years). We're getting married after we graduate from college because we feel we're too young/not ready for marriage just yet (though we'd like to be married). So I was just wondering how some of the other people here have managed that whole being your own person/being in a relationship so young aspect.

I wish I would've waited. I'm a prime example of your argument. Now i'm 23, with two little boys, and going through my 2nd troubled relationship. I attribute my 'attachment disorder' (as I like to call it) to issues I dealt with growing up. Now that i've made my mistakes, i'm in the process of learning from them, and am playing the cards that god has dealt me. However, I in no way would give my boys up for anything, nor would I have changed anything that i've been through. It's made me a stronger person, especially if and when I get past this bump.

In some cases it works, but in most cases 20 year olds don't know themselves completely yet, so how are they to share themselves with a husband/wife? I know I couldn't, and I wasn't mature enough to make it work. I just ran away. Now, i've landed myself in another situation, and I don't want to run, when in all reality I need to.

Everything happens for a reason though, I suppose.

Hi forumers, getting married at a young age is not bad. What is bad is the reckless state of our mind towards divorce in our generation. My folks were married at 25/23 (my dad was 25, mum 23). I am presently clocking 27 yet single but I feel even if I get married now, it would be all lovely cuz I am ready to b d best husband.

I think communication is the heart of the matter. Both couples shld be expressive enough. My parents marriage is 28 years old and they love each other more than they did years back, progressively.

It works well if both get actively involved in nurturing the union. Age is no problem, the mind is where yr age counts.

Sam.

I got married at 23 and still got divorced at 26. May still seem young but I tried it anyway. No matter how old you are, marriage is what you make of it. You can marry a total bum at 70 and still wind up divorced so I don't think that age really isn't the issue unless of course we are talking about minors. You should totally be over 18 for that kind of commitment.

I don't have much to say on the age thing. I know people over thirty that have mind sets of teenagers and teens that have mind sets of thirty somethings.

But I do know that it is waaay to easy to get married. My first marriage all I had to do was pay $35 for the certificate and sign some papers, that was it! (i got what I paid for too!) when I was ready to call it quits and filed for divorce, I had to jump thru some hoops, pay $500 and wait three months before it was final. (all this time he was living with another woman).

Now if they made it harder to get married, like required premarital counseling and a three month waiting period before issuing the marriage liscense (that should cost at least $100), alot of couples would discover before they got married that they aren't with the right person. At least I know I would have! Of course if we had those types of restrictions on the marriage then maybe we could make it alot easier to get divorced, esp if you could show cause, like hubby's platonic friend is preggers, it would cost next to nothing.

Anyhow thats my thoughts on the subject.... I'm one of those that wishes I knew then what I know now!

I too think it's about the person and not the age. But I think if you marry young then you do will miss the nice experience of having a single life :) living young with no worries, partying without responsabilities...It's just a nice stage in life. I guess each of us have different life experiences. I am still single at 33. I have no clue and never will of what it is like to marrying at a young age. All I can say is that I have learned a lot over the years. I see life in a different angle and I look qualities in a man now that I wouldn't have paid attention when I was younger. I don't know if i'm done learning about relationships as I kept learning up until my 30's. Quite frankly I really don't know how is it that people meet and get married nowadays. All I can say is that I have now a wonderful bf whom I love and cherish and will see what happens.

:)

I'm 23, i'm married now one year in april. But before I meant the man i'm with now I married my high school sweet heart the day after my 18th birthday. We were together for four years before we married. We both join the military, different services. The first year of our marriage was great. Then the second year seemed like we started to go our separate ways. Then we both went home on leave, he told me he didn't know me anymore that we were both different, it hurt like hell to here something from the man that I thought was going to be with me for the rest of my life. It took me six months before I even thought about having a sex or a relationship with anyone.
I know now that it was the best for us, because the military had changed us both. My husband now(28) is a wonderful man, we met in the military. I know how hard it is to be a military wife, but I think it's harder when you both are in the military. My husband and I are both out of the military now and our relationship has grown stronger, but going from military life to civilian life was very difficult.... Sorry about the story, I think that marriage young could be a good thing, but in my experience men take longer in maturing then women. I believe now that everything happens for a reason weather we see it or not..

Well my grandma got married at 17 and shes still with my grandpa, it dosnt really matter on the age, its the love, some people meet their true love at really young ages. If you feel you are to young, then so be it, but not everybody feels that way and just because your young and get married dosnt mean it wont last

I agree with you that age doesn't matter when you're in love, but your grandparents also grew up in a very, very different time period than young people today do. It's a lot more acceptable (and sometimes easier) to get divorced today than it was 20, 40, 60 years ago. My grandparents got married when they were 20 & 19, and they were together until death caused them to be separated.



I sometimes feel like young people get married so young because they assume that divorce is always an option in case it doesn't work out.[/quote]