Help Please

I don't know if I can help but i'll try. Firstly i'm not sure about the anti depressants because the thing is you have panic attacks for a reason and its usually to do with your thoughts and feelings as you said so supressing those thoughts and feelings which will happen is not a very good idea because there will come a time when you will have to face up to them and deal with them and so taking meds just prolongs it.
Believe me there is nothing to be ashamed of, its not something you asked for and I know you would love not to be having these attacks. So please try and see it a different way because you are still that great person you were now you are just ashamed which is normal but really not the truth. Drinking to hide is not a good idea because it only causes more problems and makes you even more ashamed and you don't need that, you are going through enough as it is.
There are alot of people who suffer from panic attacks and don't say anything because they don't understand what is happening to them or what it is happening and thats ok the most important thing is to try and deal with it and hopefully stop it from happening and ruining your life.
I would really recommend going to see a therapist and not because I think your mad or anything like that its just because there are reasons why you are having these attacks and if you were to find out what it is that is triggering them off then it would be easier to control them.
You have no idea how powerful the mind is and you can over come this. Therapy can help you deal with your shame but also can help you to change the way you think and feel about yourself. You do not have to no the reason as such as to why you have these panic attacks but I think its important to understand how to change the way you think about yourself and I know for a fact that with time and alot of mental work you will get there and you will be able to stop the attacks. Its really a matter of mind of body. You can control how you think and although you might not see the link between your panic attacks and your thoughts there is a very important one.
If you have any questions or you just need to talk to someone please write to me I am here anytime you need k

take care!

Thanks so much for your reply....I now realize I can control my thoughts, I just wish I would of known all I was having was a panic attack. It's been a couple years of fighting this and I feel pretty depressed from all of it.. I think i'm gonna try some meds just to get me back to feeling good. Thanks again for taking time to help me. I really do appreciate it. Much love