I have never been one who has made friends
easily - I was always so afraid of my own
shadow when I was a kid. I always feared
being ridiculled, or laughed at. And
yes, this did happen quite a lot in school
etc.
However, during my recovery I have made
some terrific friends. We have shared so
much. In one way this is good, as you do
learn different things from different
friends. However, there is one friend,
who lately, I have been getting an
inkling that she's pulling away from me.
This makes me sad, as we have shared so
much together. I know it's partially to
do with the fact that we're both changing
too. That what we needed from each other
before, is no longer needed etc. We did
have a talk some time back, about needing
a certain amount of space from each other.
I am glad that we could talk this
through, and I was hoping that our
conversation might help to bring us closer
together. After a few months, I feel
that I am still in the same place in
regards to this.
I wish I felt strong enough to broach it
with her, but am scared. I mentioned it
to another friend, who would not know the
friend in question, and she said it could
be something that my intuition is saying,
and if that's the case, it could be
something that the other person isn't yet
aware of. She also mentioned that we may
drift apart for a while, but her gut
instinct was that we'd probably move back
to being close friends again. I'm not so
sure though. My friend thought this,
through what she knows of me etc.
I'm not really sure what i'm looking for
here, but maybe if anyone else has
experienced something similar. Whether
it be a reality, or just their own
insecurities etc.
If we were to drift apart, I would feel so
sad, after sharing so much together. I
respect that we both need our space etc,
but there's space and there's space.
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KellyR
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 02 Aug 2005 Posts: 90
Posted: 09-09-05 11:48am
Try calling her more frequently, make
plans together maybe once a week...I don't
know...Go to a movie, have a dinner, take
a walk and talk about what's new. You may
even include your other friends...So you
go out as a group...
What do you think about it?
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BrokenButterfly
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 29 Jun 2005 Posts: 28 Location: Ireland
Posted: 09-09-05 18:17pm
I had a friend like that, we were very
close and we shared so many experiences
together for the first time but it did not
last. As my ed got worse I became quiter
and we both drifted apart. I did miss her
at first but I realised that our
friendship was a learning process for me
and for her, although I don't think she
sees it that way yet. She thought me
alot, not always good things but we shared
things and we learnt things but in the end
it wasn't to be.
Some people come into our lives for
reasons, seasons or life times and they
make an impact on us no matter if its only
for a short period of time. Perhaps it is
an intuition thing and if it is then you
can talk to her about it. I think you
could ask yourself why you would be sad if
you weren't friends anymore? What is it
that being friends with her gives you and
then see can you find those qualities in
yourself. Often if you do not get along
with someone its because they reflect
apart of you, you may not like or have not
really gotten to know yet, the same goes
for the people you do like. When you are
friends with someone and you like certain
things about them its usually because you
see in them things you like and accept
about yourself. I don't know if your
friendship will last but if it doesn't try
and fill your sadness with your own
quailites. You may fill sad because you
think you are going to lose something in
you that she has but you won't as long as
its in you it will always be there you
just have to work on making it stronger
and so even if you don't see her she will
always be with you because the things you
like about her will always be with you, in
you.
I do hope your friendship lasts but people
do grow apart and its not that they don't
care for each other its just that they
need to learn something else, something
about themselves and sometimes that means
taking a break to find out what you want
and need.
It doesn't mean your not a good friend,
its means she repects you enough and
trusts you enough to be able to tell you
that she needs time for her.
I hope this works out well for you and
keep us posted k
take care!
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irishamethyst
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 18 Jul 2005 Posts: 75 Location: Ireland
Posted: 09-10-05 09:06am
Thank you both for your replies - much
appreciated. Kelly, you mention about
trying to call her/include her more, but
unfortunately that is not an option, as
during a conversation we had over a month
ago, she did tell me that she felt she
needed some space - it just feels like, I
hardly ever see her anymore, unless it's
meeting a mutual friend (fellow
recoveree), or at the centre I attend.
Butterfly, everything you say I know to be
true. It really feels that she's pushing
me away, but hasn't actually said anything
more than needing space. I don't know if
it's my imagination or not - the friend I
mentioned it to, felt that it probably was
a gut instinct on my part though. I'm
not sure if i'm trying to fight the fact
that we may be going our separate ways.
I know that ever since I was a kid, i've
always had this fear of losing those close
to me. I the fact that I am a twin is
true (mum was told when carrying me that
she was expecting twins), this would make
so much sense for me. The reiki
practitioner mentioned once, that she got
an inkling that I had a dead sister (she
did not know about the supposed to be twin
story) - kind of scary though. I have
never been told what happened there - was
in an error on the gynaecologists part, or
was there in fact, a twin.
I respect my friend so much, but it's kind
of hard - I guess it has happened probably
because when she was going through a
vulnerable time last year, I made myself
too available to her. It just seems as
if it has backfired on me now though.
Sorry for rambling so much...
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KellyR
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 02 Aug 2005 Posts: 90
Posted: 09-10-05 11:45am
You are not rambling...Relax....I have a
question though...Is it possible that you
were too available to her and she
misunderstood your actions? Could she
have wrongly understand that you want from
her more than friendship? Or could you
have been too pushy for her?...Wanted to
spend too much time together? How much
time did you use to spend with her
compared to your other friends?...Just as
much...Less...Or more?
