Recovery is 100% possible. It is out there for anyone who wants it. However, it won’t happen overnight. It takes a lot of determination and commitment. I used to focus so much on the bigger picture of attaining full recovery that I lost sight of what it meant for me. I have found during my recovery, that there is a difference between really wanting recovery, and wishing for it. When I say wishing for recovery, I mean, wanting full recovery, but without having to do the work in order to get there.

Recovery brings so many things to the fore. So many feelings, which are unpleasant (especially after being numb for so long) – however, it is now my belief that it is through pain that we firstly, become stronger, but also, get to really know ourselves. If life was smooth, how would we ever truly grow!?! I am now nearing the end of my recovery – living and loving life. The urges to self-destruct don’t creep up like they used to. Usually when they do, I know that there is something going on, which I need to address. Knowing that I have a choice is empowering. The urges to self destruct don’t overpower me like they used to – it usually happens only once every three or four months.

The body image was something that I have struggled with in the past, but have discovered that for the most part, it was a mask surrounding some of my own confusions over who I was. Also, I have rediscovered my love of dancing – I find dancing to be a great way to appreciate my body – everyone’s body is unique afterall!

The hardest thing in my recovery has to be letting it go - letting go of many things, including the eating disorder. It is letting go of old values and beliefs, letting go of who I knew (or thought I knew) I was, letting go of who I thought I was supposed to be. But also, learning to accept the person that I have become.

I am now in a place where I am thankful for the eating disorder, as it has made me who I am today. If I had not suffered the trials and tribulations of recovery, I would not be the person that I am today!!!

I would like to encourage everyone out there, especially those just starting out on their road to recovery, to hang in there – as full recovery is possible, if you really want it! It takes time to really want it for yourself, but everyone has the ability within them to recover!