Hello everyone. I've read many of the posts in this forum and think this is a helpful group and hopefull i'll be able to get some advice as well. Here's the situation: my common-law "husband" have been together a total of 4 years now and we had a beautiful baby daughter 2 years ago. We moved in together after the first year of being together and shortly after, things started to change (the comfort zone i've been told), but then got worse as it slipped into being non-communicative and emotionally distant due to my boyfriend's unwillingness to talk about the things that I felt concerned about. This continued and we became very distant in all aspects. But to our surprise, then, I got pregnant. I hardly ever got any compliments or affection from him throughout my pregnancy (or sex - he hardly ever wanted it - said he felt uncomfortable knowing the baby was "right there"..Whatever!), and though he's been a good dad, we haven't had any progress in our closeness at all and although we hardly ever actually fought (he was never abusive but kept everything inside), the emotional distance and resentment got so bad that I had a very serious talk with him about 9 mths ago. We both agreed that if it wasn't for our daughter we would not be together but that we wanted to try to work it out just incase it was just the resentment making us feel like there was nothing left. We tried counselling and he seemed to want to try at first but it never changed enough -not enough to make me happy at least, and the resentment was still there because every time i'd try to talk to him about issues, he'd still give me communication breakdown and i'd get so resentful about that, that it would bring me back to giving up!! None the less, i've taken the last 6 months to do some real serious thinking and I really don't see this working whatsoever and in fact, I don't think he even really wants it to work (sometimes I don't either) and starting to wonder if he is even waiting for me to break up with him so he doesn't have to be the "cause of the break up" -perhaps he's afraid it will traumatize our daugther and is afraid or feels guilty if he were the one to initiate the breakup even if we both agreed to it. So, i'm left with wanting to end things even if the weight is put on my shoulders because I can no longer live with someone who only pulls me down. I will not crumble or be depressed without him and since I have too much love for life, i'm a motivated, fun and loving person. Plus I am the main one who takes care of our daughter, so it's not a big loss in that regard. He's a great dad (plays with her, is caring etc) but as for us, it's never going to be happy enough to make it work. Anyway, since I know I want out of the relationship, I need advice on how to do it - as in the best way to approach a stubborn person who will refuse to admit they want it to really end and will likely want to make me feel bad for trying to end it. I think it'd be better for me to move out with my daughter but can anyone give me some advice or insight as to how to do it as gently as possible so it doesn't traumatize our daughter? What if any, are the best steps to talk to him about it and actually end it, then move out etc? Advice/stories are much appreciated!
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