Broken Hearted Forum - Girls, Do I Have Another Chance With Her?

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Q: Girls, Do I Have Another Chance With Her?

asked by: hopesfall310 on September 6th, 2005

New User

So I had been dating my girlfriend for three and a half years and the last two months of the relationship I started to spend more time doing other things and not hanging out with her as often as I should have because I took her for granted and thought she would always be there (bad idea)

anyways she decides she wants a break and we're both super upset about it....She still kept saying I love you and would cry about how much she misses this and that....And we would still talk every day....One day she called and said hey we can work this out....I said well how about we wait until we see each other next and we'll talk about it

two days go by and we don't talk because I had work and so did she....I text her and asked if she had forgotten about me to be cute and she calls me later and says "i've been thinking about this and we need to break up"
that totally catches me off gaurd since I was going to tell her the exact opposite. She said she wanted time to herself and that we had drifted and she didn't feel the same.

So that was about a month ago.....The first time we hung out it was at a local show (my friends are in bands) and she was still all over me despite what she had stated, she was coming up from behind and putting her arms around me and touching my face and leading me to beleive that she didn't really want to part ways....The confusion continues through various online talks in which she would tell me how i'm never going to be replaced and that I have nothing to worry about. She also said how comfortable she was around me and how we have so much in common and .....So the next few times we hang out I see less and less of what she tells me online.

We start talking about it and she's like "crap, I have been leading you on" (comon now, how can you not realize the kind of signals they are sending someone, especially if it was that many) i'm like, so I can be replaced and I do have something to worry about

and she's like, jason we're broken up, do you know what that means? That means i'm going to have boyfriends, they won't be you....You treated me like sh*t and i'm not going to back to you because I want something different. I was in shock and all I said was "i don't have anything to say to that so have a good first day in college tomorrow, i'll talk to you later"

and because I still love her and care for her I got her a get well soon card the next day because she got her wisdom teeth pulled out. I get a text message later that day saying thank you so much for the card and thank you for being so caring. Since that day (this past friday) she hasn't talked to me at all.....My friend went over there to talk to her and she had taken my pictures down and that destroyed me. But she was like, but I still want to take him out for his birthday and I don't want him to be mad at me.......And I want to call him soon if he's not online tomorrow. It has been 4 days and she hasn't called or said anything to me..

Every person i've talked to said that she would come crawling back to me in a little while if I backed off completely. One of the kids I talked to at work said that his girlfriend basically wrote him out of her life and took his pictures off the wall and 2-3 months later she wanted him back.

I just want this "i'm a big college girl" now phase to pass because this is not who she really is. She was the sweetest most loving person in the whole world, I don't know how anyone could change overnight permanetaly you know?

I just want to get another chance because I admitted my mistakes and breaking up with someone because you might not get enough attention isn't a good reason.....I shouldn't have taken her for granted but I realize what I had done wrong and I want to fix it....I just want to say if you really loved me like you said you did you would let us try again.

So is backing off completely the best thing I can do? And maybe in a little while she'll start talking to me again and say oh jason I really miss you?

It seems like everyone i've talked to who has broken up with their bfs/gfs have gotten back together and tried again, it would be so sad if we didn't try again in the future.

Its already been a month and I really haven't given it a chance I guess, i'm just so broken hearted and it just doesn't seem fair.

So what do you guys/girls think?

Replies(12)

loocom20

replied on September 6th, 2005

New User

Listen to This About That!!

Hopefalls310,

sorry, im not a girl, but I went through the exact same thing as you are now. I dated a girl in high school who was (in retrospect) sooo very cool. I was young, and didnt really give her what she needed or deserved. I never did anything like cheat on her, and I would see her pretty much every day, but I just kind of kept things on a "friendly" level and never allowed myself to get too "mushy" with her. We more or less broke up, and still saw eachother for a few months (which killed her I know) but we were'nt together. As time passed, I realized that she really was a great girl, that I really was not finding anything better out there, so inevitably I started to miss her. It killed me. The more I even looked at girls I didnt want to be with, the more it made me miss this girl. I gave her time, pulled back for month or so. I started to call her every few days just to chat, and it was like the highlight of my day. I was wraped up in this girl so bad. I finally drove the hour and a half to her college to ask for her hand again in a relationship, and what I got was a nice softly spoken "no". Pretty much said the same thing your girl did. Cant remember feeling any worse in my life. Anything I did was irrelivent, nothing was going to get her back. In the next few months I had alot of sickening time on my hands to think about it. This is where things get tricky. You see, like you, I did enjoy her company and her mine. I did take her out, treat her well, have fun and laugh with her, etc. I didnt realize until later that what I didnt do, is give this girl any real incentive to want me back. What reason did she need?...Real emotional attatchment. The seemingly very hard to squeez out "i love you", holding hands, a random kiss....They are the backbone of the incentive, they are the things I knew I should do, and really probably wanted to do, but never could muster past my "manly" football player pride. What would I do different knowing then what I know now? Dont take those times when you should say or do something for granted, act on the feelings, let myself get involved deeply by doing those things.

What should you do? You have to understand her position. She is looking for independance. Part of her independance is being left to make her own decisions, she wants this, and needs to be able to do this right now. However, she also knows is that she has cared for, and probably does still care a great deal for you. Your move is this. You coordinate your words, write them down if you have to. Everything you know you should have done, everything you didnt do, all of the imperfections you caused the relationship to have. Tell her how you feel, tell her how you miss her, tell her why you want her back. Subtly tell her things will be different, but dont tell her how, keep that part short. Remember she wants to make an independant decision, not one that feels like your rewarding her with your good behavior for making it. Tell her all of this, get it all off your chest. Then walk away. Dont make a argument out of it, dont even let it be a conversation. Just walk away. Leave her with that. You get it off your chest (you win), she knows how much she means to you (she wins)..... And she'll think about it, she'll decide what she wants to do. But your going to get no where just calling her and trying to talk her into it.

Good luck man, from someone whos been in those shoes, I hope it all works out for you.

hopesfall310

replied on September 6th, 2005

New User

I really appreciate your reply man, yeah i'm just kind of planning on walking away now and seeing what happens....The last thing she said was thank you for being so caring....I said you're welcome and that was that

so I hope she sees, its almost like we got a divorce, I knew all of her family (which was huge) and they all loved me and invited me everywhere

i just want to be apart of that again

~baby~g~