Hi s_kalb.

Yes, I see where you're coming from. As this is a relationship issue, do you think that issues about manipulators would best fit this category? Maybe you can post to the Troubled and Sbusive Realtionships section of the site?

What do you think?

man this post is old--

let's say that at the moment of writing I've seen the Abusive Rel. section as a love-only section (like overreacting gf, agressive bf, etc) but where family or working relatives aren't really the focused ones -- like if it were for bf/gf issues only.

Also, I was thinking of a manipulators' forum because I had read a book and some more articles about manipulators, how to identify them and more importantly how to verbally defend yourself from their attemts without complications. I would have shared this, thinking in my mind that victims may or may not dare to talk about their problems, but they would in any case appreciate some help ; and a dedicated forum may make the search easier for them.

Of course I understand your hesitation as an admin, because you have to handle a lot of different subjects while I am here talking about just one. You are free to choose wether this idea is worth isolating or not

Thank you for responding though, and have a nice [timezone-dependant greeting].

SK.

LOL. Yeah, that post WAS old. But I'm getting around to responding to ALL the posts in this forum.

I think that the forums are as you perceive them to be...you could post there or to the Family Relationships forum. you've got me thinking, though about the Relationship section in general. I just hesitate to add more forums b/c we have so many!!!

I need this type of help. Most of the articles about abusers involve criminal behaviour or relationships that can be ended. But what do you do with a family member that manipulates the rest of the family to hurt one person? A control freak if you will? Sadly there is much more to this issue but I don't feel I have the room to be complete in my thoughts at this time.

Hi ScrappedPrincess,

Just simply put as much space and devote as little time to this person who is manipulative. The more time and attention you give to them the more power they will have over you. Unfortunately, family members are very good at this, one expects it on the job, and some relationships but in your own family....love yourself first.

Good Luck,

Faded Rose

I have always wondered why the common thread running amidst the people who gravitated towards me were those that were "assertive" "attention seekers" who seemingly "appreciated" my company...and flexibility, availability, listening ear, kindness and easy going nature. It seems my personality created a situation where they felt safe in the knowledge they weren't going to be challenged and were happiest that way. Nowadays, whenever people start to erroneously misjudge kindness and flexibility for weakness and they begin to rub their hands together and start taking the cheese, I make it clear that this meek mouses kindness is a strength not a welcome mat for abuse. I remind them that I realize, their inner fears, sense of inadequacies, low self worth, self esteem etc are what makes them behave that way, (it bursts their bully balloon and lets them know i'm aware) Either respect these "nice qualities", and I know when you are genuine or not..or walk away. These manipulators seem oblivious and fail to see that that others do see through them! Some actualy understand and feel sorry for them and its exactly the innate tools of our nice natures that unlike others makes it possible to endure them! Don't underestimate the inner strength of a kind person and assume we are hoodwinked. We can and do walk into situations eyes already open exercising some phenominal qualities ie tolerance, endurance, patience, sensitivity lacking in the main and certainly in manipulators. Societies perspective of such extraordinary qualities are grosely undervalued and akin to a mouse as they are to an elephant. Except by the nature of association we see elephants as powerful, strong and big and so are such qualities including gentleness too..be proud of them. Manipulators can wrongly perceive people as a meek mouse for manipulation when there's in actuality a wise elephant, or mightymouse sitting before em!