Fighting Too Often

Background info: I have been in a relationship with this woman for 4.5 years. I am 25, she is 23. We live together and we are engaged (as of april 2005). We have a credit card together as well (explain later). She does not currently have a job and has been having a hard time finding one since she graduation college.

Our friends (well her friends anyway - I really dont have any friends) think we are not right for each other. One set does not like me at all (they think I talk down to her all the time), many think I am a tight wad (including her family). She feels I am too controlling and that I am a "know it all". I do know alot because I do research on various things - just for fun.

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currently, she is at her mothers house. I do not know who is in the wrong (if that can be determined). I dont know what to do either? Situations like above seem to happen all too often - am I really that bad of person that her friends think I am?? See the following situation for details.

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this is the situation as I see it (sorry for length) - I am trying to be as unbiased as possible and provide the full situation so I can get feedback from third parties.

About one week ago, I suggested we build a 5.5g tank that she already owned and place it in our living room. To me, it seemed she was on board with this.

A few days later I initiated the process of researching what equipment we would need to build it. We had a fight about whose tank it would be [ mine ] or [ ours ] based on who was paying for it. The process was she paid for the tank (< $10) and I would have to pay for everything else (since she did not have a job - I understand this). This was a large drawn out fight (some of which I do not remember because I do not have a good memory) of whose tank it is, who is paying for it etc. Result (per me - she thought something different): I thought she would help a little bit in the cost of building the tank. She thought that I would pay for the whole thing, use what she wanted (equipment) and call it ours. Supposingly, we would compromise on the equipment - but to me it did not seem that way at the time. I can understand how she came to this conclusion but I came to a different one based on this argument.

After the fight, I have certain equipment and processes that I use when building a tank (assuming she was helping me pay for it at this time) and I asked her to do her research - which she began. When I asked her what she came up with she gave me her ideas. Since they were not like mine, I questioned them (which apparently is a bad thing). A few things she mentioned were not complete - meaning additional things had to be purchased to make them work. We both want the tank to have live plants (which I have the exerience with). We always fight about things where I have the experience and she just has done research. She believes that no fertilizers are needed but we have 2.5+ watts per gallon and in my experience, that will create algae problems - which I have had several times in other tanks.

I went to get everything finalized and told her what she owed ($30) of $80 purchase (we included additional food in the purchase). She freaked out because as stated above, she thought I was paying for everything. We had a brief scurmish (late at night this was) and I told her that we should talk about it in the morning because I was falling asleep and I need to get up for work the next day.

The next day is where the main problems occur. We fought about whose tank it would be like stated above. I stated that I would not build the current 5.5g tank. I would wait until she felt comfortable helping me pay for it so she (in her mind) could consider it ours. I also said that I would build a matching tank (one on each side of tv) now to get that up and running. She did not like the idea of me building a similar tank of the same size. If it was a 30 gallon tank, it would be ok, but a 5.5g tank would not be - I made sure of this. We went round and round on these issues.

Then the bomb was dropped - the money issue. She has been working temp jobs to get money. She owed me ~$600 for our credit card bill that needed paid. It was due august 15 and I said pay me when you get your temp job paycheck - which was august 26. She still had not thought about giving me the money (according to me) until I brought it up in a fight (my regretted mistake). I could not afford to not have her part of the credit card bill at all (i dont think I made this point clear to her). I withdrew most of my savings to pay for the credit card bill ($1300 total) upfront. Then on sep 1, rent is due (another $765). I needed the money now, or else I was not able to pay rent. This was a very heated and angry fight where both sides said things not meant. Then I left twice in the fight because we were going around and around the same topic with the same words being said five minutes before. I went once to get food - I got her nothing. I asked if she wanted to go though, she turned down the offer. I did not offer to pay either (since I was mad). The second time was to cash the check she finally gave to me.

Currently, she is at her mothers house. I do not know who is in the wrong (if that can be determined). I dont know what to do either? Situations like above seem to happen all too often - am I really that bad of person that her friends think I am??


Any help out there???

Thanks!!!