Don't worry girl :)
it sounds like you're trying to do these things because you think you should, but the fact is, you're just not ready. Beleive me, if it feels "wrong" to do it, then you need to wait longer. Being embarrased to do stuff is one thing, but to feel mortified, or feel that it's not exatly right is a total other.
I had to slowly acclimate myself to pleasuring my bf (only guy i've ever had sex with) and i'm almost 21 myself. As long as he's patient with you, and lets you learn things at your own pace, it will be beautiful in the end :)
if you're not comfortable when he pleasures you, then what's wrong with the situation that you're in when he does it? Are you making out beforhand, working slowly into it? Because believe me, if he gets you hot enough, you're gonna
want his fingers on you. Everything involves patience... And I mean months of patience!
I met my bf at the start of my freshman year of college, and we didn't start dating until the end of my freshman year. Summer was of course no-see each other because of distance, but once we got back to school, we spent as much time as possible together.
Me being the virgin I was, i'd never even seen another penis in real life besides my dad streaking through the house o.O so you can understand how nervous I was. But my bf just slowly let me explore on my own, and let me "discover" each step of the way with subtle guidance. I like pleasuring him, it brings me joy to see him like that, and it should bring you joy to see your bf react the same ways.
We talked about sex, but I decided I wsan't ready, despite our friends pressuring us to. I was a virgin, he wasn't, but he was really cool about it, and letting me set the pace.
We didn't have sex that fall semester, but when we got back after christmas break... I was ready; the situation was right, and it just happened. Now i'm not saying yo have to have sex! But what I mean is that... I was nervous to pleasure my bf, but once I learned how to do it, I liked doing it.
I have no idea if this is any help.. Uh... Yeah. Do what feels right!
