Hi,

for 6 years I cared for my very special little angel son, who was born with major brain problems. Everything that could have gone wrong , went wrong. I set up a icu at home, and kept my bed ridden precious son with me, tube feeding him, suctioning him every 10 minutes so he would not choke to death. He was on oxygen, with a tank in the room. He had strange seizures, and thorugh all this time which petrified me, I was strong and looked after my little son until he passed away in my arms wehn he was 6 years 11 months old. He could not move and never cried, we communicated with our eyes. While my son was dying, my ex was messing around with every girl he could find. 4 months after my son died, I divorced his evil father, who used to beat up our other 2 children, both girls in their teens. From being a houswife for 22 years, I was literally thrown into the world to look after myself, no money, no experice adn half my family were gone. My eldest daughter ran away from home, because she thought her dad was coming back. These past 5 years I have withdrawn from society, keeping pretty much to myself, with internet or tv for past times. I go to the shops to buy food andrush home again. I love being home. I even wor from home. I feel like I don't fit into this world. I often wonder what is man put on earth for, it's like animals running around after each other for sex, or rushing to work to make money to run to the shop, spend it all on food, come home eat, then start it all over the next day. It jus not make sense to me. I have hit depression, lost interest in everything because things do not interest me, things are ridiculous. It's like I landed on the wrong planet or the wrong country, because I do n ot believe in their beliefs, morals, or anything else. Is this a sickness I have or am I just living true ato my strong moral beliefs. When I go in a crowd, I get very aggressive or I totally back off and walk away. I have been hurt badly from when I was a little child and no one gave a damn about me. What category would I fall under. I am basically a person who keeps to themself, I hate crowds and do not trust people at all.....I trust no one.....They all hurt you in the end. I am fighting for survival and offered opportunities to have life easy if I find a partner to share life with, buat then I remember 22 years of hell and torture I went through, why would I do that again..... I have a paroblem or some personality disorder, which on??? Post traumatic stress, boarderline personality, schitzo, ?