Need Help!!

I have always had a huge weight issue since I was little. That I never wanted to be fat my father would always make comments to everyone in my family like if u were to eat something fattening he would always say you better go to the gym later or tomorrow to burn that off!!! This has been goin on since I was alittle kid!! Its horrible now that I am older I realize that the things that he did were horrible and made me the way that I am today and I get told well there is nothing wrogn with you but in my mind its like I will never be perfect for him. So not only do I go thru stages were I will starve my self but then if I do eat something I will either throw up or I also go throught stages were I constantly pop diet pills with ephedra. I found a website where I am able to have them shipped to my house. Then I will go work out for hours and kill my self!! Then last summer I had gone thru an abortion and that caused me to really go thru bad times. I know most ppl when u are sad or what ever u eat im the opposite I starve my self and get my self so upset that I make my self throw up! I really just think that I need help. I dont know what to tell. I feel like my father has scared me for life. If I go to eat something I hear his voice in my head saying you better have your ass at the gym tomorrow working that off, do you want to be fat?

Please help amanda