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Gaining Weight After Anorexia

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August 24th, 2005
Hi, I just turned 16 yesterday and over the past year i've been struggling with an eating disorder. A year ago my 2 best friends ditched me just simply because they hated me, and since then my life got worse and worse. But in about january a family member introduced me to pot to help me with insomnia and just to help me chill. Also, pot helped me eat more (in fact, I over-ate sometimes). A few months ago things got better, I met some cool people and i've been a lot happier.

But now, i'm back to looking in the mirror and seeing only fat. Before, when I wieghed less I was pretty satisfied when I looked in the mirror but now i'm horrified. I hate getting dressed, I hate going out, I hate thinking about food and more than anything I want to lose the wieght I gained. I only gained 6 pounds but that's almost 10! And all the clothes I bought when I was smaller don't fit like they used to and I look hideous in everything. I told my mom I need to buy new clothes because I gained weight but she flipped! She was like "how can you say you gained weight?? You gained 6 pounds! That's nothing!" but she doesn't understand that it's not nothing to me!

And some of these new people that I met are always talking about how they want to do coke or speed to lose wieght and how they try not to eat and stuff and it's driving me crazy! I really really want to have friends because I went through the worst year of my life and was so lonely I thought about killing myself everyday, but it's really really not good for me to be around people like this.

Since I hit peuberty all I could think about when I look in the mirror was how fat I was. I hate looking at pictures of myself, except for the ones taken about half a year ago. Now my ribs don't show on my back, my arms are fat and manly, I can't wear jeans because I feel too much like my sides are spilling out of them and my face is round again. All I want is to lose the weight I gained. I don't really want to do that, I really want to be healthy, but i'm too fat to be healthy! I know that makes no sense but honestly, I feel like i'd rather be skinny and have a cold than feel like this.

Uuuuummm I was just wondering if anyone who might have gone through this has any advice for me, cause I have a councellor but for some reason it's like she avoids the subject of the eating disorder...I could just really use some advice.
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tunasushi
replied August 30th, 2005
Ive gained like 7 lbs and I feel sooooo fat too.....
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Jessih18
replied February 7th, 2009
I am going through the same thing. I was at a point where I was 87 pounds and being the cross country star that I was, running almost 7 to 8 miles a day. The doctors were in shock that I hadnt had a heart attack so they put me on high calorie meal plans. Now that I am eating I have gained weight back....I still run all the time and when I we eat bad food I feel soooo guilty. Its really hard for me to balance eating the correct amount of food...I either eat too much or not enough...

My jeans are getting tight and my face is getting rounder. I hate it but my best friend went through the same thing and its really helpful to talk about it with her. She says after awhile your metabolism will get back to normall, but right now its saving all the calories you are eating in fear that you will starve yourself again. It will balance out...just give it time.

Eat more fruits and vegetables and oatmeal. It really helps.
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lollipops92
replied February 7th, 2009
Experienced User
Friends come first
You really sound like your struggleing with your weight but your "friends" Are not helping one bit. If they think takeing speed is the way to go they need a reality check. Even you know its bad being around them so just get out of there before they start experimenting and drag you in. You need real friends who will support you.
Have you ever considered joining a club. A sports club or dancing, Even Drama would be great. Its brilliant for meeting new Nice people. And also It would give you more confidence and take your mind of your weight issues. As for that just Try to eat healty as best as you can, it will give you loads of engergy and make you alot feel better. trust me its better than eating nothing at all. x x
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LarenGoesRawr
replied January 23rd, 2010
when i went to visit my family over christmas they fed me alot even though i didnt want to eat i still did because they were going to send me to the hospital. and when i came back home i got used to eating normally and i feel SO gross! i've gained 8 lbs and my bones barely stick out anymore. i feel terrible about the weight gain. i really want to go on a fast now to get back to how i used to be but i've been kind of enjoying eating normally and i dont know what to do. im totally mixed up. and i cant go run 5 miles like i used to because there's seriously 5 feet of snow outside, i havent been able to get out of my house for a week.
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yaya000
replied February 20th, 2010
please people, your brain needs this food! being curvy isnt so bad, and trust me guys love it. you HAVE to learn to love it to. even though its soooooooooooooooooo sooooo hard. fat being fat. but having body fat isnt the worst thing in the whole world. look at beautiful women like scarlet johanson. they eat!
you want to obsess about something? make it school work or muscle. but please eat good omega 3 fats, thats what your brain is made out of and it cant make them itself! (and wont make you fat). and calcium for your your poor deficient bones. and protein for your growing bodies.
you may feel yuck now but you wont regret it.
i promise.
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sophiec
replied June 21st, 2010
i bet anything your not fat and probably stunning, after having an eating disorder i've now realised just how stunning having curves are and can't wait to get mine back, and you shouldnt stay with these people you sound so lovely and deserve better dont let them bring you down, right now i've cut out people that talk rubbish about food and weight and since i've got rid of them its so much better, hope this helped x
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baxter12009
replied June 22nd, 2010
I alike have been on my road to recovery from an eating disorder, I live away from home so none of my family have really seen how much weight ide actually lost. So its been pretty much the central issue for me and my boyfriend as he has been next to me the entire time.

It put tones and tones of stress on our relationship.
I am recovering now, after months and months of him being on my back and me realising i had a problem and truely wanted to get healthy.

I am slowely gaining weight and finding it hard everyday to except the changes to my body. I am constantly thinking about food, what Im going to eat, when im going to eat it. I am very obsessed with ahving a strict routine and diet therefore putting constant stress on myself to stick to it daily.

I need to find ways to stop letting food be my focul point in my life as there are sooo many more important things to think and worry about..

Come check out my blog and lets discuss some more about how we can recover. Everyday I am looking for new ways to feed my body with health so that i can feel fantastic.

Share with me the things that actually make you feel good about yourself!
we can beat this!

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heidimkahle
replied July 16th, 2010
I feel the same way that so many of you do...recovery has been a painful journey. Since I weighed 90 pounds, I have gained 30 pounds back in just 6 months! I honestly feel so fat and disgusting. I still run, but I feel like I can't get just those 10 pounds off so I can weigh 110. Every morning I wake with the feeling of a horrible weight on my shoulders. Even though I have gained enough weight back, I feel like I'm continuing to gain weight, and it won't stop! Yes, I have much more energy now and people have been giving me complements, but I just can't stop obsessing about my current weight. I am not fat, but FEEL fat. I hope that somebody out there can relate to my situation...and it maybe it is a ray of hope. Likewise, I hope I can relate to somebody else. All that I have ever wanted is to feel comfortable and stable with my body and diet.
Food is not my life.
I am my life.
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magicbones
replied September 8th, 2010
tinybones
It all started about a year ago, working out excessively and obbsessively. Then I started to diet, then became a pescetarian. I stopped eating favorite foods and junk. I soon just lived off greens and liquids. My weight started dropping...and I was finally feeling beautiful. Bones sticking out, ribs being countable, feelable. My collarbone an elgant necklace. My cut glass cheekbones. No matter how High i got, I could hold back from munching out. People started to say I was doing meth or coke, because I was dropping weight so quickly. I oushed myself, not eating for a whole day even and would work out for nearly 45 minutes every night, sometimes twice a night. Then my mom got in a motorcycle wreck, ended up in the ICU. I can't say I have or had anorexia, the smallest I have ever gotten down to was 104lbs. But now, after a whole summer of smoking and eating. starving myself for a few weeks then binge eating. Only to start the whole process again, is making me feel bad. I can hardly see my ribs anymore, my hipbones are disappearing. I feel like a failure, all my hard work gone to waste, all of it ending up on my waist. Skinny wrists, skinny thighs, skinny wait. This is my last year in high school, and it seems like my most stressful time. I eat when I'm stressed or depressed. But I LOVE feeling empty. The gurgle. Last night though, I couldn't stop eating. Actually the past two and a half days I can't stop. I ate and ate, and finally last night, I ate myself sick. Cereal, burgers, a limeade chiller, granola bars, yogurt. anything I could get my hands on, chips and salsa, fruit snacks, a begal. I tried throwing in a lot of fiber, so I could poop it out (throwing up on command is impossible for me, yeah I did try in the past). But it didn't really help I guess. This morning I pooped once, but all day at school my stomach has been feeling like a giant boulder, just sitting there. Pushing against my skin. I felt so sick so many tiems, like i was going to barf. And I guess I just wanted to get all of this out, to someone anyone who would listen, and to also show that no one is alone if trying to be their own definition of beautiful.
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Bumblebee94
replied February 22nd, 2012
Its my last year of high school too. I recovered from anorexia recently but now I'll wake up in the middle of the night looking for my bones. I dont feel beautiful. I dont know if that one day of my lowest weight, when I looked in the mirror and smiled, what I thought I looked like. Why was I happy? Because I was suffering. Now after 2 months of binge eating my ribs,stomach, hips-fat everywhere. Im suffering in a different way. I want to be small and delicate, or rock hard muscles-not fat. Its not about how I look anymore-its about discipline.
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lifeisnotaparagraph
replied January 19th, 2011
know that "beautiful" can be you yesterday, last year, and tomorrow.
and it is.
start loving the YOU that radiates life filled with all the good things in this world--including healthy and delicious foods.
treat yourself. respect yourself.

but most importantly, please love yourself!
the empty--I used to like it too--but thats not living, thats trying to die.
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jojojojojo
replied March 17th, 2011
weight gain!
i was just wondering, ive been starving myself for about 4 months ive lost about 10 kilos and i hate it..but im scared to go straight back to eating what i used too.. what will this do to my body i dont mind putting on weight i just dont want to put on more then when i started! i think my metabolism was good before but obviously i would i slowed it right down..will it ever go back? i used to be able to eat what i wanted to, i want to be able to go back to that! will my body go back to what it was like before?
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tas123
replied May 30th, 2011
well no not really, but you have to start increasing your food intake graually to help your body adjust to digest larger amounts of food. so start of by increaseing your food intake for about 200 calories to start off with and escalate from that. you will then gain some weight slowly. just remember, as hard as losing weight can be, its just as hard as putting it on
( well not as hard)
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katiekates
replied April 15th, 2012
i had anorexia over the last autumn/winter. i was constantly miserable and lacked energy, didn't make an effort with my friends and annoyed everyone by only ever talking about food or my boyfriend. I felt cold to my very bones all the time, especially my hands and feet. I'm a lot better now; I've gained about a stone and even sorted things out with most of my friends, but i seem to be losing control and going in the other direction. I hate to say it but i miss being able to feel my ribs and having a concave stomach. i know it's not attractive but it was never really about attractiveness for me. I just liked the control. and now i just eat crap all the time, and get really depressed about it. the worst part is looking at pictures, or trying to fit into my old clothes. i think people fail to realise that you never really recover from eating disorders. you can gain weight but the root of the issue is an unhealthy relationship with food; seeing it as anything other than a means to nourish your body. Now my body may be healthy but my mind is still confused. i really want to talk to someone who knows what i mean. I can't talk to my family because i don't want them to start watching me again. Has anyone else had these problems? what do i do? Sad
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