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Help Me to Get Over My Bypolar Boyfriend (Page 1)

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I have had a relationship with a bipolar man for 6 years. During that time my judgement became off because I believe in his choice and loved him. I am 6 years older a vergertain, health nut and a graphic design. Presently he lives in kuwait where he had a contract to work. Today he lost his job and sleeps alot in kuwaitt. When things are good he sents for me to see him. Although the sex is great their is no emotions. He sleeps all day. One time when he came to the united states we were sleeping in the bed and he jerk off while I was sleeping beside him. He does not tell me everything and I found out that him and his roomate had a girl living with him and she answered the phone. He lies about taking drugs and he says cruel things to me while being generaous to me. He blames me for everything and things he is better than me. I have been dyognois by a therapist for having clinical depression. He things he better than I am. Resonly, he does not call, e-mail or text message me. Throughout the relationship I have bad credit I lost my house many jobs and almost did not finish my second degress. Today I own a graphic design company. I am depressed because I worry about what he is doing. I am also a co-depent. I decided to leave him alone and it is like I am an addict. I am actually going thru withdrawl. I have always been their for him inspite of his drama. Their has not been any closure. I just stop contacting him. I take zolf and trying to forget about him
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First Helper WHITCOL
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Users who thank Theresa Taylor for this post: redhelen 

replied August 24th, 2005
Experienced User
I Feel You Made a Good Decision, Take Care of Yourself
Hi, I broke up with my bipolar months ago, he has bipolar
and through this and other forums from this ehealth forum

i gained a lot of insight, help, it really got me through it
(thanks again everyone, I am forever grateful)

anyways, it is not easy, just last nite, I remember dreaming of him
it started out so sweet, and comforting, but then it changed into not being a safe stable healthy experience, just like it was in real ife

it was a reminder, he still comes into my mind, but I leave it there.

My ex, was so sweet, would treat me like a princess
and then he would smother me, he once was massaging my back in a line to get food at a fast food joint, and I was thinking, he is like being too posseive, and I had him stop.

Not that incident, but countless others, the greatest nicest guy one minute, one hour
and then holy heck would break loose

don't even want to talk about it, but you could find my countless stories throughout these forums...

Take care of yourself, be gentle and kind to yourself, be proud and learn
be strong!
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replied March 4th, 2014
If you knew anything about Bipolar Disorder you would know that mood changes happen over months, not hours.
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replied August 28th, 2005
My Ex Is Bi-polar
My ex and I broke up like 3weeks ago. I knew he was bipolar but he was taking lithium and everything was great. Then a week after we broke up, I called him and he started saying how he lost a lot of weight, he's not manic, he cheated on me, i'm a geek, I irritate him, he wants to marry me and have children but also with other women. The lists goes on and on. I'm not mad at what he said but does he not know what he said and are they true? It's like he's a completely different person from another body and soul. I can't stop calling. When we first broke up I was fine but now knowing that he's sick, I call him everyday even when he curses me out and hangs up the phone I call him back. And believe me, I would have loved to curse him back but I know he's sick. But now he's saying how is ex girlfriend had a baby and it's his. What the hell is going on??? Should I be concerned about him or should I just leave him alone and just let time heal?
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replied September 21st, 2007
About Your Bypolar Boyfriend
girl it is none of my business but you hang in there life goes on ok stay strong and you will be fine and keep up the good work you are doing ok you should be proud of yourself ok pat yourself on the back your pal linda write me back if you if you want to amen Very Happy
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replied October 9th, 2007
Bi Polar Girlfriend
I am bi-sexual and I just broke up with my bi-polar girlfriend of 2 ½ years today. We were almost one month from being together three years. This girl was the sweetest person you ever want to meet. She was very nice, articulate, respectful and beautiful. Her and I liked the same things and it was funny her and I could be in the middle of a conversation and not know the name of something but we would know what each other is talking about. I love her so much and it breaks my heart not to touch her, see her, hold her, and just be around her. She told me that she didn’t trust me; she still makes references to me being friends with my ex’s when we started dating. When we first started dating I was friends with my ex’s. I didn’t see anything wrong with it especially since I was not doing anything with them. When I was younger my mother was friends with her ex husbands and my father knew it. It was no big deal. This is where I got my thinking from it was fine. At the time I started dating my ex she wanted me to stop being friends to my ex’s. she said it was disrespectful. I didn’t want to because I felt that if you have someone they should not only respect you but your choices of who is in your life. I also felt that why should I give up someone for someone who may not be in my life forever. We would always argue and fight about that. She would think after we argue I would go over my ex’s house and hang out. However that would never be the case. I would always go home and watch movies or television with my nephew who was staying with me at the time. I know there were times that I got money from one of my ex’s while I was at work and I told my then girlfriend about it in conversation. It got to the point that I stopped speaking to my exs because after all of the arguing and fights I knew that she just didn’t like it; no matter how small and simple this was to me it meant a lot to her. I admit I was reluctant to do it because I feel friends are hard to find and on top of that why should I give up someone for someone who will not probably be in my life during the long haul. These events lead to her not trusting me because I was so reluctant to give up my ex’s for her when she asked. She had a friend that didn’t want her to be with me. So she got rid of her friend for me. She felt I should have been more than willing to do the same for her at the drop of a dime. However I wasn’t because I feel why give up someone, for someone who may not be around in the long run. Time goes on she didn’t trust me at all because I would receive text messages from my ex’s or my cousins saying lets hang out or just shooting the breeze. She would check my phone because she didn’t trust me. If someone would send me a text message she would go through them and ask me about what they said and who are these people. She would get mad that she didn’t know or meet everyone in my life. At one point she felt I was keeping people from her because I had something to hide; however that was not the case. I don’t have a close nit family. My cousins and I talk every once and a blue moon. We don’t hang out but we will talk on the phone or e-mail each other. She thought I didn’t want her to meet them and that was not the case. They were always doing their own thing. Her or I were not into clubs or drinking but they were so that made it twice as hard to hang out with them. Time went on and she saw it for herself, how they were. So she started to believe and realize that when I said they were on b/s they were really on b/s.
She then eventually didn’t want me talking to them because she felt they were a bad influence in my life. I told her they were my family and its not like I hang out with them like that. We talk on the phone no big deal. She got pretty upset about this but eventually let it go. I am a producer and I notice certain things she would like, such as video games or something I would always try to get her because I can get them free.

If I noticed she like something no matter what I would always try to get it for her. Its hard to read a person who is mood and can blow up at the drop of the hat, so when you notice something has their interest you try to follow. I would always get her games, movies and gadgets. I would always try to make her feel special. She would do the same for me even though she didn’t have much she would give me her last. She would always pick me up from work and even help me with work. I loved it when she would come to work with me to listen to shows and I have to tell her about them…or how she was curious and took an honest interest in what I did. However there were times that she would blow up over the slightest thing my fault or other wise. She said I would diminish her feelings because it is small to me but to her it means something. I know I should have respected her feelings no matter how small something may have been. She would tell me that she can’t trust me, or how I talk differently to each person such as my dad, or friends or even at work and she didn’t know which was the real me. She even said everything I did, every action she questioned. If I kissed or told her I love her out of the blue she didn’t know if it was true. She said she kept questioning herself with me and it was driving her crazy. She told me she would kill herself before she let me touch her again and how she has a lot of issues to work out and so do i. I have abandonment issues and I always want to keep people in my life, the wrong ones. I told her why don’t she go to counseling and take her meds. She won’t do it….according to her her sister, me and her family are “crazy” not her. I know I caused a lot of mistrust through actions but I don’t think it warranted this type of behavior. I was with her every day; we would go to sleep together, wake up together and spend the day together. She would drop me off work and we would do it again. When she get into one of her moods its just no stopping her. She was on depicote (sp) yet she stopped taking that a year or so ago. She won’t go to therapy, she won’t take her medicine and no one stops her or make her. It is sad that a week prior the break up she kept telling me that we were going to do something special on Sunday; we were going to do something special. On Sunday I woke up and she was sleep and I let her sleep most of the day before waking up. When she woke up she apologized to me for not waking up on time. I told her it was ok. Later on that night we got into an argument and now two days later we are over. I asked her while we were packing my stuff did she really have a special day planned for me and she broke down and cried and said yes. She wanted to take me to the pumpkin patches to pick out a pumpkin and then she was going to teach me to carve a jack o latern and we were going to make some pumpkin pies and get a room and just spend time together. I wish we could have did this. I miss her so much but I don’t like the mood swings, name calling, accusations and other things. I told her lets try to make this work but she said she is tired and she doesn’t want to be with anyone. She even said that she is going to save up and run away in the next couple months and not tell her family or anything. She said she wants to find her happiness and niche in life. I don’t know what to do. she told me if I call the house she will have them change the number. It hurts that I can’t even talk to her. It is even more of a mind twister that when she was taking me home we were talking as if nothing was wrong, she went into the gas station to get a pack of cigarettes and brought me out something too. Its like nothing was wrong. I love her and I truly can understand how just a few days ago I was the love of her life and she had these big plans for me and now I am a piece of crap. While we were packing I asked her if you were depressed why didn’t you tell me; she said what would you have done got me something free. It was like she was saying all I do is get her free stuff and she is not materialistic. I was like stunned. I asked her just a few days ago I am the love of her life now she doesn’t want to be with me because she says she can’t trust me. What sit this episode off was I was playing world of war craft and I was asking for her help and some random person who I don’t know asked me a question and called me master and then asked did I have an online boyfriend. He said all of this in front of her and she said I was flirting with the person and she doesn’t believe nor trust me enough to take my word I wasn’t. I don’t know what to do. I love and miss her so much; she was my best friend and I wanted to marry her; yet I don’t know what to do. just move on and let it go? I know she would never call me and admit she was wrong and I know that I caused the mistrust factor but I can fathom how you can go from planning a romantic day out to breaking up, all in one day. I don’t understand any of this but I do understand that I miss my best friend and I may never see her again and it hurts my heart to know that there is nothing I can do about it because she truly hates me. I can’t sleep, I can’t eat; I am just here. I don't know what should i do. I really love this girl with all of my heart and I doen't know how i would begin to fix this or get her back or even if she would come back to me.
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replied January 21st, 2008
The Truth
I've read some of the stories here, and I'd like to briefly describe my own experience with being in a relationship with a person with a bipolar disorder.

I was in this relationship for about 6 years; in that time I experienced all of that verbal abuse, arguments, lies, cheating, and everything else that comes along with this bullcrap. There is no way in HELL I would ever have another relationship with someone who's is bipolar. You can say what you want, tell me about how with proper medication they can live a normal life, but I'm not wasting anymore of my time with it. If you are reading this, and you've suffered as I have, you will do yourself a favor. Either get the hell out of the relationship, or you'd better learn enough about the disorder so you don't go crazy.

Learning about their pattern of lies is your first tool. If someone is yelling and won't shut up to let you talk (rapid speech), they are lying. If someone exaggerates the story or gives you a different version of the story everytime they tell it, they're lying. If someone starts accusing you of random crap, they're lying. If someone tells you "I just said that cause I was mad" they're lying. When you look someone in the eyes and they have a blank stare on their face, they're LYING THROUGH THEIR TEETH. The worse trait of their lying is how they recant their story later. You'll think you've finally gotten the truth out of them only to have them take it back hours or days later. Why ?...Cause it's too inconvenient for them to feel guilt, so they think if you believe the lie, it's true when in reality it's just their inability to face the consequences for what they've done (like a child).

Let's talk mania and depression. One minute they're on top of the world. Be careful, if they seem too happy their manic and will probably be up to no good soon. They will abandon all sense of reason and do whatever makes them happy. In addition, because they are manic, the opposite is coming soon, depression.
So what happens is while they're manic they'll either smother you to death or they'll go off on you and go do something irrational. Later, when they're depressed, they'll want your affection cause they've either done something really stupid or they want reassurance because now they're not on top of the world anymore, and they should have taken their medication. Anyway, the point is prepare yourself for this difference phases or you'll find yourself arguing with a crazy person and wondering if you're the one who's crazy.

They say the definition of insanity is trying the same thing and expecting a different result. Or put in another way, "who's crazy, the crazy guy or the one arguing with him" ? Either way, you better realize you are dealing with a chronic illness that doesn't give a rat's ass about you. I think anybody who is bipolar that is harming others has an obligation to take their medication and not destroy other's lives.

If you are reading this and you're tired of the lies, tired of being verbally abused, tired of arguing trivial issues, and are hoping that it's gonna get better because your bipolar friend seems so convincing when it told you it would get help and it seemed so genuinly remorseful; GET OUT ! Stop analyzing crap, get what's left of your sanity and self respect and be gone. Cut your losses and understand that you have the right to live a life that isn't full of so much disrespect. I read a poll that suggested 90% of all bipolar relationships end in failure, are you going to be that 10% or are you going to waste precious years of your life being treated like crap. If you're stuck on stupid and you're still trying to get them to tell you the truth about lies they've told you, pretend to be understanding, they will NOT tell you the truth if they think their will be consequences, tell them you forgive them and love them regardless you just want to know the truth so the two of you can move on, and that people make mistakes...and when they open up and finally tell you the truth, tell them Brian sent ya! Smile

Love,

Brian
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Users who thank sir_brian for this post: mesoleshmak  WHITCOL  redhelen  angeleyes232001  n2kismet 

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replied April 29th, 2012
hi
LOL Brian that is my husband LOL.
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replied March 4th, 2014
You are obviously completely ignorant about what Bipolar Disorder is. Go read up on it, and stop slamming people who you probably drove crazy with your ignorance.
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replied January 22nd, 2008
Funny Brian. I am bipolar and my girlfriend is not and guess who does the lying? She does. Why don't you just take all of us bipolars out back and shoot us like diseased animals you bigot.
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replied January 22nd, 2008
Truth II
I'm not sure why your girlfriend lies to you, but I think you're missing the point.

First, there will always be exceptions to the rule, but in large part, alot of people who are in relationships with bipolar people suffer. Those are the people I'm talking to. Notice that the topic isn't "not all bipolar people are the same" ? I know that what I said might have offended you, and I'm not here for that. I just wanted to help those people in a relationship with someone with a bipolar disorder to get over their relationship or to make sense out of the trauma they're probably experiencing.

Second, I don't know you, and I have no way of knowing if what you say is true. Just because you happen to be bipolar doesn't mean anything I've said isn't true. I am speaking through my own personal experience, and I really don't care about your personal disposition. If you're a nice guy, great. But I have the right to express myself. In fact, if you are bipolar you of all people should know about some of the problems I'm talking about in my last post. Don't take it personal, it's just my experience.

Finally, I'm not going to go back and forth on this issue with anybody. I know there will be people out there that will appreciate my honesty. Good luck and hopefully you'll realize that this wasn't a personal attack on you. If i didn't care, I wouldn't have responded.

Brian
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replied February 27th, 2014
I appreciated both your post and your reply to critics.

It means so much to hear other peoples experiences that so closely mimic mine.

I have taken all the hurt and devastation I can. 7 years was too much. Now that I know he is bipolar, but refusing medical intervention other than therapy, and lying to the therapist.... I decided I need to walk away.

No more chances. And I am sure he will ask for another one soon enough. Ive been vulnerable in the past as we have a child together. I am now only communicating thru his mother... supporting her efforts to get him help. Although, she is an enabler and covers for his lies, I do think her intention is to help him.

After years of lying, cheating, emotionally abusive behavior...My final straw was him moving to be with us (I changed cites). Moving out without notice 2 months later. Then to ask to go to counseling, which I did... followed by loving messages, plans to see us valentines day week.... then two days before...HE JUST DISSAPPEARED. Not answering phone calls or text. For me to learn he is back in the city with the woman he has been cheating on.

Good luck to her... hes done this to her too. I hope she is strong enough to support his recovery. I wish him well in life. I just won't be a main part of it any more
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replied April 22nd, 2008
Been there, done that
Sir Brian.....I couldn't have said it better myself. Now that I am away from my husband. I am still having problems with trusting my judgement and thoughts. I thought I was crazy for the longest time..but wow..turns out I am not...my husband just screwed with my head so much...this did leave scars. Thanks for sharing what I couldn't put into words. I'm not saying that everyone should leave there bipolar spouse or bf/gf. What I am saying is that if you are a strong person...you won't be when that person is done. I lived it everyday for 13 years. Now I am lost, but I don't worry about if I am crazy or not. It was all in his head. He wouldn't take meds, so thank you.
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replied April 23rd, 2008
Extremely eHealthy
I went through three marriages being a Bipolar myself. Ain't gonna happen again!
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replied July 22nd, 2008
my bipolar-ex
Dear Brian and all who have been trying to give out the message,
I want to thank you for making my deep sad feelings for my past relationship make sense to me now. I dated someone for 4 years who was diagnosed with bipolar, during the first year he took meds and later stopped.
He was funny and fun to hang out with and tried to say that he looks at life differently, and at first I found it interesting and I thought he was special, BOY HE WAS SPECIAL.
Every time he would pick a fight over nothing, he would make me feel like I was a terrible person and that he would blame everything on me. He would not let go for months. After all his up and down emotions for me and his weirdest behaviors such as being, emotionally and physically unattached, unrealistic, irresponsible, unorganized, I had to end it once and for all.
I was at the point that I couldn’t sleep anymore and I had to take sleeping pills to be able to fall asleep after him screaming and blaming me for nothing and hanging up the phone on me some nights. He loved me allot and I loved him and we had this chemistry and connection, but I always felt like if I leave him he would still be so fine and only if he still had his cards to play online that he would be fine so he didn't have to face reality.
I loved him and wanted to help him and do anything to make it work but at the end I felt like I was going straight into a dark tunnel for good. He mentally drained me with his abusive, judgmental, irrational, unfair, unforgiving words because after an argument that I knew for sure I was even innocent, he would make it so clear and analyze it so well thought in his brain that I would even think I was to blame at the end of any fight.
He would always make me say sorry and then never forgive. I don't know why I let him play his games on me like this and how did I have so much energy to put up with him. I just wanted it to work out, I wanted to save him (US) and I ended up hurting myself.
Even his family and friends were tiered of him. He blamed the whole world for his failures while he would sleep till 3 pm and go to bed at 4 in the morning playing games online. He was always late to any event. His love for me kept going up and down and I just got tired of it. He sometimes would tell me how he just wants to get up and leave and didn't know where he wanted to go but somewhere far....
He was very loyal I should give him credit for that, but so was I. When I ended it with him to save myself from getting mentally and physically sick, he told me hurtful things, he blamed everything on me and he said that he never wanted to be a part of my life. I still love him and I miss him so much. I hope that he finally gets help. I don't know why I was so attached to him like an addict even though he would treat me so bad and everyone tells me I should be so mad at him, y aren't you mad?? And I just don't know why I couldn't make sense out of his reactions, and I just couldn't find a clear answer to why he was like that. But you all helped me so much into seeing so many similar traits that I was so surprised. I am trying to forgive him, I want to.
I know he will never let go of his unfair anger towards me and all the "bad" things he has analyzed in his head all these years about me to not admit that he failed our relationship for his short comings. Not once did he take action for his faults, it was like he had a phobia to be wrong.
My feeling of being lost is going away everyday and I pray for him, I hope he starts getting help again and getting back into meds before he hurts another girls feelings, love, time and soul.... But I will forgive him.
-T T
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Users who thank mesoleshmak for this post: purpleflower6 

replied July 22nd, 2008
Experienced User
Lying is not a characteristic of Bipolar.

I am Bipolar and I never had a problem with lying, I think I am actually very fort right in my dealings with people. If I deal with people, for the most part I am anti-social and keep to myself. Other then my work on the message boards.

I also happen to be borderline personality, and from what I read people give a lot of crap about being borderline personality. People that are bipolar can't help it, I have had past manic stages, and also seen depression. But it took years and ups and downs to come to terms that I had to take the medication every day. That is not easy to accept.

But I am married again, and doing much better, more support then my first marriage. I am loved and taken care of. Bipolar is not a bad thing. I did enjoy the manic side, and for years I tried keeping it up, going on that high. But that is a thing of the past. I know I can't get there again.

I have been fortunate to have been in counseling and had gotten a grasp on understanding it better.
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replied July 23rd, 2008
Especially eHealthy
I would like to gently remind everyone that this forum is for support and information regarding bipolar disorder. Thus, we should all operate from the position that people with bipolar disorder are able to have healthy relationships. (Because that's the truth!)

I understand that having a relationship with a person with bd can be difficult, which is why I'm leaving this topic open. If you are in a relationship with someone who has bd, it will be helpful to learn about bd and listen to the experiences of others who have the disorder.

However, let's not blame relationship problems on mental health. People with bd can have successful relationships. Yes, people with bd can have some crazy behaviors at times... and they may affect relationships. However, the best way to deal with this is to a- treat the disorder to lessen the chances of this happening and b- have both people in the relationship learn about the disorder so that they can understand where certain behaviors stem from.

If your question or topic is about relationships, and NOT about BD, please take it to the relationships forum. Relationships can be complicated, especially when they end. But this isn't the appropriate place to discuss relationships. This is the appropriate place to ask questions about, and learn about, bipolar disorder.

thanks for all of your input!

You can always pm me with questions!
Danielle
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replied November 22nd, 2012
Getting over relationship with bipolar boyfriend
This is to anyone who can help me,

I was in a relationship for six months (that's all that I could handle) with a guy who was bipolar. He told me that he had been diagnosed but that he didn't want to go back on medication because he knew how to control it. He said he knew what to look out for and what triggers to avoid. The first month was the best one. After that it was up and down for the next five months. I can't tell you how many times I thought I was losing my mind or blowing things out of proportion. There were times that he would be sweet and caring and then other times that he would blame me for everything and literally yell at me and put me down. He was so angry and easily irritable. I was constantly walking on egg shells around him. I didn't know how to act because I didn't want to set him off. I am trying to get over him and our tumultuous relationship, but I'm having a hard time comprehending things. I still care about him and love him, despite everything and I want him to get the help that he needs and to live a happier and healthier life. However, I just want to know what I can do to get over it? I want to move on. If anyone has any advice, it would be much appreciated.

Thank you
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replied July 24th, 2008
Crap
I just finished reading through all of the posts and came away with the majority of people really don't understand the illness. The generic idea that people with bipolarism are born liars is ludicrous to say the least.

Here is my take...on the majority of these forums we tend to only see and hear from people in crisis or ones that have had a bad experience. I am not going to take anything away from Brian because this was his experience and his take on it. What I will add is that he could have told the same story if he were involved with someone without the illness getting the same experiences.

The problem is that if either partner is diagnoses, the tendencies to blame anything and everything that has or is going wrong in the relationship tends to be the norm instead of each owing their part. It takes two people to make a relationship and two people to screw it up.

If the tendencies are of blaming the person with the illness for any short comings in the relationship, I can pretty well bet that you will be part of this so called poll of 90% failings. Personally I think the poll numbers are wrong and we are hearing once again from people that are having issues.

I am here to say that both my wife and I are bipolar, we do not lie to each other and are stronger for the experiences we have endured. Our relationship is build on wanting only the best for the other and we don't dismiss each others feelings as being part of the illness.

Our illness is not used to put the other person down nor do we allow each other to use the illness as an excuse for bad behavior. What I will also tell you is that our marriage is not unique....there are many couples with one or both having the illness that are doing great, raising families and living the American dream.
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Users who thank rock_digger for this post: Georgia59 

replied July 31st, 2008
BIPOLAR BOYFRIEND
As an update to my previous repsonse...ive' stayed with my boyfriend since I last wrote three months ago. It's been 5 months and he's been nothing but wonderful, never a sign of an episode, being mean, nothing. He just gets a little short tempered for a second which he knows to work on and I've noticed his O.C.D., he's very organized and likes things the way he likes them. We joke about it, and luckily for him I'm a little anal myself with some things. All in all, I can say I'm so happy and his bipolar condition hasn't been a problem. I'm wondering if this is a normal situation? He takes his medication reguarly, doesn't have mood swings liike other peopole have mentioned on this site and has tons of friends. Is there anyone else who has a bipolar boyfriend who is so under control like this? It's like he doesnt even have it. Can it go away? He's turned out to be the best guy I've ver been with. He's been very affectionate and does like to hang out all the time, but it doesnt feel clingy. I want to hang out with him all the time . Someone please give me some advice on his normalcy and if I should be thankful or scared that one day he will burst?
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replied August 1st, 2008
Extremely eHealthy
Gerogia59 is correct when she said that there are many Bipolar relationships that do work. You have to understan that Bipolar is a very personal disorder. One person may not have the same manic states as another ei...one may have more depression episodes, others anger and other lying. I was one of mistrust. I can not trust a man any longer. That is because this disorder has targeted that part of my Bipolar character. Over the years, I have become almost like a emotionless robot. I don't know how to show love. Was brought up in a broken home where no one ever gave a kiss or hug. Now that is bad. In my case now, as I said, I have gone through three marriages with no evail. The first one lasting only 10 years. then 8 and the last one less then a year. Yes, it was me. I can not blame my disorder. I have to blame it on not having the ability to cope and adjust my life to work around it.
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replied August 4th, 2008
Especially eHealthy
Re: BIPOLAR BOYFRIEND
oliver2 wrote:
As an update to my previous repsonse...ive' stayed with my boyfriend since I last wrote three months ago. It's been 5 months and he's been nothing but wonderful, never a sign of an episode, being mean, nothing. He just gets a little short tempered for a second which he knows to work on and I've noticed his O.C.D., he's very organized and likes things the way he likes them. We joke about it, and luckily for him I'm a little anal myself with some things. All in all, I can say I'm so happy and his bipolar condition hasn't been a problem. I'm wondering if this is a normal situation? He takes his medication reguarly, doesn't have mood swings liike other peopole have mentioned on this site and has tons of friends. Is there anyone else who has a bipolar boyfriend who is so under control like this? It's like he doesnt even have it. Can it go away? He's turned out to be the best guy I've ver been with. He's been very affectionate and does like to hang out all the time, but it doesnt feel clingy. I want to hang out with him all the time . Someone please give me some advice on his normalcy and if I should be thankful or scared that one day he will burst?



It's great that it's working out so well! I don't think you have to be worried that some day he'll "burst," but you do need to realize that he does have a CHRONIC condition that will never fully go away. Which means that he will always have to take medication, and always have to stay on top of his disorder so it doesn't rule his life. However, you should know that some swings or bad times may happen, and be understanding and supportive when that does happen.

But overall it sounds like you've got a great relationship going!
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replied August 14th, 2008
The Truth
Dear Brian,
I HEAR YA!!! I agree 100%. I tried to be ever patient for my bipolar ex to be normal. To Hell with that. I wasted precious time in life on an ass who is an MD and yet refuses to get help. He blames everyone else for his problems, especially me. I thought, why would I want to spend the rest of my life struggling to make him normal.
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replied September 8th, 2008
A book that may help... and advice, please?
I recently was involved in a life-changing and possibly relationship-ending episode with my (ex) boyfriend. I love him (and am in love with him) so much... more than he can maybe believe. Though I knew he was "bipolar" (that's how I thought of it then), I don't think I really knew as much as I needed to know about the disorder... and we were together for over 7 years. I know, it sounds foolish. But it was one of those things -- took a while to discover he was on meds and why, a little while to discover how he can be on different meds, and a little while longer to see who he was OFF the meds... etc., etc. He is a beautiful person. Charming, sexy, and brilliant. Right now, he is away from me for the most part. I am sad and my heart breaks, but when I saw it all go down (I think my mother dying - and my reaction - was a trigger, plus he had reinitiated a recurring problem with alcohol), I started to realize that maybe I didn't know what was important about the disorder. He quit his job (though his departure was planned, the quite dramatic exit strategy he decided to take was not) and tried to find an entirely new life (said he was so sorry and afraid), wanted to leave everyone he loved behind him. I found a book that I thought was amazing - it depicted MANY scenarios that he and I had experienced. It is called "Loving Someone with Bipolar Disorder", by Julie Fast. I mention it because even when you think you know (I truly am a smart girl, honest!), you may not really know... especially if they don't make it a point... you may at times think you are helping, but find you don't know how to help them at all. This book may shed some light. I know I found myself feeling defensive in so many circumstances over the years - eventually felt like I had to "stand up for myself" more. I knew that wasn't the issue but I didn't know what to do... It's hard because it strikes your ego... repeatedly. I told him about the book after I read it. I told him I felt it could really help us prepare for a better future if we could come back together, as it presented a new way of looking at things for (mostly) me in respect to his disorder. A way that I could help him help HIMSELF. Not only that, but it pointed out some important clues about his behavior that I didn't even realize were signs of an impending episode (he since started taking meds again - he was off of Geodon and Lamictal for almost a year). He smiled (in an email) and told me in person he might have a fleeting interest in reading it (that's a big stride!). He liked the idea that I was looking forward and was forgiving, I think. Hard to truly know, because he doesn't communicate!! It's often hard for people with this disorder. But these individuals are a sensitive group - even moreso than I, which I didn't think was possible! At any rate, the challenge is to help them overcome the barriers they have built out of guilt from their actions, as well as to acknowledge their roles in your behavior - responses to them - without losing yourself. If this can be achieved, I think anything is possible. I have hope for our relationship - though it does dwindle, as he may be "dual diagnosis", which I know is difficult to address. I am certain I will post again soon with more details! It's hard to try to honor his requests to "sort things out" while knowing he is killing himself with alcohol and not offer help in some way. All the rules about "what not to do when your boyfriend breaks up with you so you can get him back" seem to go out the window!! Hard not to reach out sometimes... I'm going every 3-10 days. After that, he reaches out to me. Anyone with help in THIS arena would be greatly appreciated! Rolling Eyes I try to separate my romantic love and love for him as a person but I gotta believe my messages are confusing for him... and me. Ultimately, I want us to be together again and be able to talk about what it is that happened (if he's not going to talk to a therapist).
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replied January 18th, 2009
bipola
You are a beautiful human and you need to take control of your life.
My partner has bipolar.
It is his responsibility to take control of his illness...if he chooses to.
Back away and think about your self for once. he needs to help him self if thats what he wants. You cant help him but you can help your self and you deserve to focus on your self.
best of luck xxx
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